Lesson #15,113-Valentine's Day

Okay, so today is Valentine's Day.  Whoop dee frickin' do!  After 20 years together, it is just another day.  I know that I won't be getting a little blue box with a white ribbon.  I know I won't be getting a pair of Christian Louboutin's.  I know I won't be getting a Chanel bag.  I know I won't be getting a sable coat.  I really don't care if I get flowers anymore.  When I am a stay-at-home mom, there's nobody here to rub them in their faces!!!!  The cats don't care if I get flowers.  Actually, they do enjoy chewing the leaves off of them!  When I worked and had an office full of women, I could say "Look what my hubby sent.  Oh, your hubby didn't send you any?  That's too bad. But aren't mine pretty?"  So, now it's no fun!!  There will be no love letters or poetry! Not that there ever was anyway!!  No boxes of chocolate either.  Who cares?

Maybe we will change it up this year.  I think that in lieu of a Valentine, we should make fun of the day by sending each other pictures of Grumpy Cat and telling each other why we don't hate one another.  "Honey, I don't hate you because you pay my Visa bill every month!"  "Darling, I don't hate you because you put your clothes in the clothes hamper yesterday!"  "Sweetheart, I don't hate you because you let me order pizza 3 nights in a row!"  "Babe, I don't hate you because you washed the Cadillac this past weekend."  "Lovie, I don't hate you because you let me sleep until 10:00 on Saturday and fixed your own breakfast!"

Maybe we should send Valentines to our exes and thank them for breaking up with us.  "Thank you, ex, for breaking up with me because I would be living in a single-wide out in the country, hoping to someday be able to pay our rent on time and dreaming of being able to have a keg of beer at our next party."  "Thank you, ex, for breaking up with me because having 7 children and driving a 4-wheel drive truck isn't really my dream."  "Thank you, ex, for breaking up with me because going out to dinner at Hardee's isn't really going out to dinner."  My palate has refined over the past 20 years!!  I no longer drink wine coolers.  I no longer smoke Marlboro Reds.  I no longer think Myrtle Beach is a vacation destination.  Yep, I'm fancy now!!  I want an umbrella in my drink!!

To all of my readers, I hope your Valentine's Day dreams come true.  Just don't count on it!!  Don't expect much and you'll never be disappointed.  If you have been married for a long time to the same man and haven't been abused in any way, live a pretty good life, he isn't crazy, he treats you with love and respect, he lets you order pizza and wear your pajamas all day if you want to, then thank God for your Valentine!!  He's a keeper!!  If he rubs your leg even when you haven't shaved, he's a keeper!!  If he could care less if you have had a pedicure or not, he's a keeper!  If he still loves you even with stretch marks and a fat stomach or butt and a chicken neck, he's a keeper!!  True love goes through many phases.  If at the end, you can still stand to hear each other breathe, you have found your match!


If you don't have a sweetheart, don't lose hope!!  The chocolate will be 1/2 price tomorrow at the grocery store!!!

Lesson #15,089-Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates

Yes, I know that is a line from the movie Forrest Gump.  It's the next part of that line that is profound.  You never know what you're gonna get.  Sometimes that is the fun in life and sometimes that is the no-so-fun part of life.  Who doesn't love a good surprise?  Running into an old friend, getting flowers from someone special, finding $20 in an old coat pocket or a spur of the moment weekend getaway.  Those are great.  Those are the best chocolates!!  Like the milk chocolate covered caramel!!  Then there are the days that you get the dark chocolate covered orange squishy stuff.  Those days suck!!  Those are the days when you have a migraine, a sick kid, get no flowers and you drop your new iPhone 5 in the toilet. 

If you know anything about Greek Mythology, you know about Pandora's Box and how if it had gotten opened we would all know what our future held.  I would like to peek into that box sometimes to see if and when certain things will or will not happen but part of the fun in life is not knowing when those ups and downs will be.  Who out there hasn't thought about someone and planned on calling or visiting them and then you hear that person has died.  We always say, "Oh, I was just thinking about _____ and I should have gone to see him/her.  Why didn't I go and see that person?"  We all have done that.  Here is my solution for that...I suggest that we all start treating each other like we would if that was the last time that we would ever see each other.  Here in the South, when someone dies we always bring casseroles or desserts to the grieving family.  Why not bring a family a casserole just because you love them?  Don't send me flowers when I die!  Send me flowers today!!  Try not to ever leave anyone that you love feeling unloved.  Always say "I Love You" when you mean it. 

Live without regrets.  Our mistakes made us who we are today.  The roads we travel have brought us to this place.  We may not be happy 100% of the time but just remember that today could be one of those orange squishy stuff type of days or it could be the yummy milk chocolate covered caramel type of days.  Let's hope for that!! 

Well, great!  Now I want some chocolate.