Lesson #15,137-Is Target The Happiest Place On Earth?

Okay, so as a Mom I've seen a lot of stuff.  I've seen real stuff.  I've seen gross stuff and I have seen great stuff.  I have seen happy stuff and I have seen sad stuff.  I have decided that Target really is the happiest place on earth.  Some people say that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth but I don't think that's true.  I saw kids crying and screaming, red-faced and having full on meltdowns at Disneyland.  Clearly, they were coming off sugar rushes and were in desperate need of a nap.  But when you can see the kids back teeth and tonsils, that is a full on tantrum!!!

Some people think that the beach is the happiest place on earth.  Again, not if you're a kid!!  Most of the time kids have sand in every "crack" of their bodies, up their noses and in their eyes.  Then there is sunburn.  The first day at the beach a kid walks away critically injured.  Second degree sunburn on the first day of a week trip to the beach makes for a long week not only for the kid but also for mom!  The sand rash that happens when you play in the sandy, salty water makes for painful urination and bathing for the rest of the week too.  So, the first day of being on the beach may be happy but not the second through sixth day.

I happen to think that the happiest place on earth is, in fact, Target.  I have never seen anyone crying in Target unless they were leaving!!  And those were housewives.  Children walk out happy with their new crap!  Even the 3-year old kids are walking out saying, "I can't wait to wear my new sandals to preschool tomorrow and show that bitch, Emily Margaret.  Imma strut up to her and slap my foot on the ground like a BOSS!!"  Umm Hmm.  Mamas walk out with our new body soap and all kinds of cool stuff from the dollar bins at the door. (Ya know?  Those dollar bins used to all be $1 when they first showed up at the front door but now some have $3 on them but I don't care.  I'm getting that $3 aluminum bucket and gardening gloves and a pack of sports ball erasers and some stars-n-stripes plastic cups!!  Yes, I needed all that crap! And, yes, I know that I only came in here for bandaids.  Who the heck can go in Target for one thing?  I mean, you walk right past the dollar bins for goodness sake!!  You know you NEED those cool cookie cutters!!  One of them has a seal balancing a ball on his nose!!  A SEAL!!! So anyway, I went in for bandaids and came out with a cart full of stuff and $200 poorer.  Still a great day though!! I WENT TO TARGET!!!

Don't you agree that Target is the happiest place on earth?  Well, it is!!