"The calories go into the doughnut hole". So, you can eat as many as you want, right? I mean, it makes sense to me that the calories are flushed right through the doughnut hole!! Just don't eat the holes!! I can do that!! Okay, so it's not true.
What about "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas"? Not true. Your friends will tell everyone what you did and will laugh at you forever!
"It's so easy. I took these diet pills and lost 120 pounds in 6 months." Lies!! I took them for one day and thought I had bugs crawling under my skin! If you can stand the bugs for 6 months, then you probably can lose 120 pounds!!
Don't even get me started on the happy girls wearing tampons! I'm not that happy when I am not bleeding like a stuck pig! I sure as heck ain't happy when I am!! Stop showing women jumping around, dancing, playing tennis, riding horses or swimming!! We don't do these things when we are doubled over with cramps!
Just once, I would like to get a burger at a burger joint that looks like the ones in the ads! Just once, I would like to get the rental car that I thought I was getting from the rental car company. I thought I was getting a convertible Corvette but in reality I got a Kia minivan!! Just once, I would like an ice cream cake that I didn't have to take a hack saw to! Who the heck can cut through these things? My Frosty at Wendy's never has that cute little swirl on top. What's up with that? When I order a cute dress from a catalog, why does it never look as good on me as it does that 5'11", 105 pound model? Just once!!! Oh and my weight on my driver's license. Yeah. That ship sailed when I was 20 years old!! Just hope they are able to identify me after the added pounds and hair dye. Oh and the 2 inches taller that I told them I was. Shut up!! You know that you lie too!! Why do they even ask?
If only these things were true!!
No comments:
Post a Comment