Lesson #15,149-Even Sick People Can Be Funny

Okay, So let me explain where I've been lately.  First, there was summer and now it is fall and I haven't been writing lately.  No, I haven't been in an insane asylum but I may as well have been.  There's been summer fun, school starting back, homework and driving to soccer practices and games and tournaments and blah, blah, blah.  Not making excuses but...Well, yes I am.  Anyway, throw in a health scare and having a hysterectomy, which, by the way, is no big deal anymore.  If you need one, find a good GYN that can do it with a laparoscope and have it done!!  I was sore for a week and a half and then I felt normal again.  I get tired a little more quickly but it was exactly 3 weeks ago today so that's to be expected.  Now, onto more important issues.  Daddy has colon cancer and has been in Stage 4 for 9 years and so I know that isn't good.  He had to have surgery the day after Thanksgiving and the poor man had an NG tube in his nose and couldn't even eat on Thanksgiving Day!! Eating is his favorite pastime so I felt really guilty for eating while he was in the hospital.  Funny thing happened when he had surgery, I saw some guys that I went to high school with and they work on the local ambulance service.  Boy, did these EMTs have some stories!!

Okay, so here goes...

They go on a call and go into the house because there was a sick child.  Checked his vital signs.  Maybe a little elevated temperature.  Maybe a little diarrhea and nausea.  Mom thinks the child may have a virus or something and Grandma pipes up and says, "Tell 'em what we caught him doing yesterday."  They turn to Mom and she says, "Well, we caught him sucking on the Chicken Diaper."  They looked at each other and said, "Chicken Diaper?  What's a Chicken Diaper?" and Mom says "Ya know?  The diaper in the bottom of the package of fresh chicken that soaks up the chicken juices."  OH MY GOSH!!!  Thought I was gonna pee myself laughing at that one!!  I don't know what that spongy thing is called but from now on it's a Chicken Diaper!!


They go on another call to the bad part of town and find a man bleeding from his abdomen.  They go to check his wound and see 7 different wounds.  They ask him what happened and he said that he ran into a knife.  They asked him how in the world he ran into a knife 7 times.  They look up and see his wife standing there.  "Oh.  Never mind."  (I think someone got caught cheating!!)


They go on another call.  This time they know this guy.  He's a "frequent flyer" to the ER because he is "suicidal".  Apparently, this guy claims to overdose on purpose quite frequently and sure enough, they walk in and he starts flopping around on the floor, faking a seizure.  Once you have seen someone have a real seizure a few times, you know what it looks like.  These guys were onto his act.  The guy had on nothing but his underwear and it was pouring down rain outside.  They have had enough of his antics so they load him on the stretcher with no sheet or blanket and wheel him out to the ambulance in the pouring rain.  They said his belly button was full of water by the time they got him out to the ambulance. ((Hee Hee))  He stops mid-fake-seizure and asks for a towel.  They told him that they didn't have one.  He got mad and jumped off of the stretcher without even getting in the ambulance.  Again, if you've ever seen a real seizure, you know that a patient is a little dazed after one so they made him sign a release and he hasn't faked a suicide ever again!!  Score!!

I suppose you have to have a sense of humor to do what these guys do every day.  They see some horribly tragic situations and some really funny ones.  I told them that they needed their own reality show.  Only with the funny people though!!  Oh and here is my Public Service Announcement for the day:  If you see one of these, PULL OVER AND LET THEM THROUGH!!

Lesson #15,057-Life In A Medical Office Is Funny Sometimes

Y'all in my former life I was a medical assistant and worked in a doctor's office.  Man did we have fun!!  Seriously, there are a lot of things that go on in a medical practice that are freaking hilarious.  Sometimes we had sad days when we had to give someone bad news but some days we had fun with our patients.  I can tell a few stories but I will not be able to name names because of HIPPA Laws.  None of you would know who any of these people are and I can't remember anyone's name anyway so here ya go...



#1  The doctor that I worked for had just started a new practice in a small town and he was 1 of only 2 doctors in town.  Everyone knew that the other doctor was a quack so everyone began coming to the new guy in town.  There was a patient who had cancer and was not doing well so what did her family do?  Call 911?  Call Hospice?  Take Mom to the hospital ER?  NOOOOOO.  They brought her to the office half dead and wheeled her in the door in a wheelchair.  Well, needless to say, she died within minutes of coming in the door.  Now remember, this was a new practice in a small town and people were just beginning to come to this office and we really needed it to succeed so we could all keep our jobs.  Well the doctor was quick thinking and decided that there was no way that the family was calling the funeral home to come over and pick up her body so he called 911 and told them to back the ambulance up to the side door.  Well the paramedics got there and put her on the gurney and covered her up and was about to wheel her out of the room when the doctor started screaming and cursing them.  He walked over and propped her up, uncovered her face, put a nasal cannula (oxygen tube) in her nose and then gave the okay for her to be wheeled out.  See funny, right??  Maybe you had to be there.  He actually had a valid point.  I mean, who would ever want to go to a doctor if they saw someone being wheeled out by a funeral director or on a gurney with a sheet covering the patient's head??  Certainly not me!!

I have more.  Come back tomorrow for more...I have to think of another one "clean enough" to tell on this blog.