Lesson #15,106-Stupid Humans

Okay, so we all know that some humans are downright stupid but this is probably why we don't live to be 120!!  We are not that intelligent!  Well, at least some of us aren't!!  Here are a few examples:
 Headlight  out?  No problem.  This flashlight will work!!







The kids dared me to jump off the swings like I used to.  I think I'm forgetting something.





Nobody's gonna steal my bike!!

Let's see if my Porsche has 4-wheel drive!!

Ummm.  Probably shouldn't have put the staple right there!!

"Hey Boss Man.  I failed miserably today."

"Thieves will never see it here!!"

(((Tears))) The World's Most Touching Christmas Card!!

"OMG!! This line hasn't moved in over an hour!!"

Why?  Just why?

But...But...But...

Turn your hat around, Dumbass!!

Okay.

This is why playgrounds are for CHILDREN!!

Parent of The Year!!

Oh Damn!! That's hot!!

Is it or isn't it??

In Case of Emergency, flip this switch!!


"Umm, Sarge.  I think I did it wrong."

As opposed to Bone-In Bananas!!

This is why women live longer than men.

After you LOL, call 911.

Spoke too soon!

"I'm not gonna remove the cactus, you are."  "No you!!"

Boy Genius!!


J.K. Rowling once said "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case, YOU FAIL BY DEFAULT".  I say "Fail Fabulously!!"

Lesson #15,055-What's Happened To This World?

Seriously?? I looked at Yahoo to see what was going on in the world and what do I see??  Elmo has molested a teenage boy.  Can you believe this?  I knew that little monster was no good.  I mean look at his beady little eyes.  Always talking about himself in the 3rd person.  Asking questions about what Elmo is up to and he knows that you know the answer is.  He's just trying to see who would answer.  Evil little monster.  I've got my eye on that little hooker, Zoe too.



Then, living here in the Charlotte area, we have to be neighbors to the "Other Women" of  John Edwards and General Petraeuses.  Why are they all moving here?  And they live in the same neighborhood!! They are trying to blend with the Southern Belles.  Well, Bless their hearts.  Don't they know that Southern Belles will just be dripping with sweet words and casseroles but honey!! We will talk about you after you leave, sweetie!!  Maybe we could have another "Housewives" reality show filmed here.  We could call it "The Real Home Wreckers of Carolina".



Then I read that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have broken up.  What is this world coming to?  These 2 have been the cutest, sweetest couple that has ever graced the world!  I mean, look at their cute little faces.  Shouldn't they be together forever?  I guess not. Oh and that crazy Nicki Minaj is going around picking fights with everyone!  She is a real bad@$$.  First Mariah Carey and now Barbara Walters.  Mariah and Barbara had better watch out because Nicki is gangsta.  



The last article I read on Yahoo was titled "Are Humans Becoming Less Intelligent?"  Well, of course we are!!  They say that humans lost the evolutionary pressure to become more intelligent.  First of all, I don't believe in evolution so I call BS on the reasons that they cited.  Here is the reason that I think we have lost the drive to be more intelligent.  The Internet.  I mean, if you want to know anything you can just look it up on the Internet!!  And you know that everything that you read on the Internet is true because you cannot put anything on the Internet that isn't true.  Abraham Lincoln said so!!  I read that on the Internet.