Life Lesson #15,054-Human Beings Do Dumb Things

Do we really do dumb things?  Yes, we do.  Of course we do.  Here are a few things that we do that make absolutely no sense whatsoever!

Mowing grass.  Why is that so dumb?  Well, we aerate the lawn.  We plant seeds.  We fertilize the ground.  We put hay on it.  We water it so it will grow and then we cut it.  Huh?  What a complete waste of time!! Why did we spend so much time making it grow only to cut it?  See?  That's a dumb thing!!


Golf.  Now y'all know that most sports are dumb if you really think about the point of the game but golf has got to be the dumbest.  You carry around sticks to hit a little ball into a little hole.  Just drive the golf cart over to the hole, drop it in and then you are done and you can go home!! Then you go and do this eighteen times.  Isn't once enough? Oh and those awful outfits!! Have mercy!!
 

Hair.  Now maybe this one is just me. Every year I want to grow my hair out.  It gets long and then it begins to get on my nerves.  Up in a ponytail it goes!!  I want to wear it long but I don't have the patience or talent to style it. So up in a high ponytail it goes.  Up in a low ponytail.  Up in a twisty bun.  Then I cut it off and hate it and grow it out again only to go back to the ponytail style over and over again.  It's a vicious cycle.
 

Fashion.  Why must we change "What's Hot" every year?  Let's just stick with what is hot right now for a couple of years so we don't have to buy what is hot this season, every season.  Enough!!!  I don't think we look all that bad right now.  I totally understand us changing what was "hot" in the 70's because that was just a hot mess!! But come on!!  Let's just stick with our style one more year so I don't have to buy any new clothes!!


Christmas.  This one is totally the fault of retailers.  Oh and all of us who fall for it every year.  Christmas is Jesus Christ's birthday, not ours.  Jesus was born of a virgin and died for our sins and we give each other gifts.  Huh?  Why not give to the poor?  If we all would donate the money that we spend on Christmas gifts to charity, there would be no poor or homeless people.  Seriously!!  One study said that the average American spends $750 on Christmas gifts.  That money would be better used by a local charity.  Now, I'm not saying to boycott Christmas because it is a fun time of year but why go into debt over Christmas?


Cell Phones.  We all need them, right?  Didn't we live without them 20 years ago?  Then I lived just fine with one installed inside my car for 10 years so just in the past 10 years have we became dependent on our cell phones. We wonder why we are stressed out all of the time?  Well, we are wired 100% of the time.  We feel guilty if we don't answer our phones.  There was a time where you could only catch us at home or at work but now with cell phones being easily portable, you cannot even take a nap on the beach in Fiji without having your cell phone wake you up with a phone call from North Carolina.  Hmmm.  Wonder why sales of medications for stress and anxiety are skyrocketing??  No downtime.


Pets.  What?  Humans aren't enough for you?  We've gotta keep up animals too?  They were living just fine without us for thousands of years.  Dogs, horses and oxen worked for us until 100 years ago.  Now we are our pets' servants!!  You know that we have to serve them, especially if you are a cat owner.  At least a dog will come when called.  My cats look at me like I have 3 heads if I call them.  I have to feed them, put water in their bowl and scoop their poop!  There is not a human being that I have to shovel poop for so why do I have to have a pet that I have to do it for?  That is insanity!!


Okay, yes I have more but y'all are getting bored so I will stop this blog right here!! Am I right though?  We are doing some dumb things!!

Life Lesson #15,030-Chinatown. Better Than Park Avenue!

Life Lesson #15,030-Chinatown. Better Than Park Avenue!


On our first full day in NYC we walked around Park Avenue. We walked into the Louis Vuitton where we all know the prices are high.  They have specialty bags that our local Louis Vuitton store does not have. Wow, Oh Wow!! I was in Heaven.  Then we walked into Tiffany & Co. Big Mistake!!  But I'm not spending all of my money in one store so...off to Chinatown!!  Those same LV bags were 5% of the price as the ones on Park Avenue!!  Oh and they not only had Louis Vuitton but also Gucci, Hermes, Chanel, Coach, Prada, Burberry, and Tory Burch bags for like $60!! Now those are good prices!!  Oh and Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses were only $5!!  When I was in Tiffany & Co. I found a beautiful necklace and bracelet.  I go into Chinatown and find the same necklace and bracelet for $35 each!!  Okay, Okay.  I know that they are knockoffs but come on!!  Who can tell unless they are looking very close?  What is so funny is the people selling their wares on the street will tell you not to worry if you get caught with the contraband because you will only spend 2 hours in jail.  These are hardworking Chinese-Americans who I think should run this country.  They can talk you into anything and they get it done!! You walk away happy and feeling like you got an amazing deal.  Just don't waste their time.  I love these people!!

 

You walk past the people selling handbags and jewelry and you see fruit stands.  There's fruit on these stands that I have never seen in my life.  Some of it had spikes and bumps and looked really scary.  Some of it looked really good though.  It was just unusual looking fruit.  I don't think we have that stuff at the local Harris Teeter. 



Then you cross the street to the meat markets.  There are ducks, chickens and who know what other types of foul hanging in the windows.  I thought that was just in Asia!! I had no idea that you could do that in America!! Of course, you feel like you are in a foreign country in Chinatown so for some reason it doesn't seem that strange.  Two doors down from the meat market is the seafood market.  Let me tell you, there is no fresher seafood than this seafood.  The crabs were still crawling all over one another.  The smell was overwhelming.  My son had to cover his nose but it really is something that he will never forget.


There were very unusual buildings.  The McDonald's sign is even written in Chinese.  The only other place in the world where that is done is in China.  There was one building which was 3 stories high.  On the first floor there was a 99 cent store.  On the second floor was a Buddhist Temple.  The third floor is a Jewish Community Center.  NO JOKE!!!  We also saw another building which was a Starbucks on the first floor and the top four floors were a Buddhist Temple.  I have pictures of these places.  I swear it is a true story!





Anyway, Chinatown is a place not to be missed if you visit NYC.  There is not one square inch of that place without something interesting in it.  I hope you get to go there and get that handbag that you have always dreamed of and have never been able to afford.  And remember, if you get caught you will only spend 2 hours in jail!! It's so worth it!! Totally worth it!!

Come back tomorrow for more...

Life Lesson #15,022-People, Please Put On Clothing Before Leaving The House

Life Lesson #15,022-People, Please Put On Clothing Before Leaving The House
People of the world, I love a pair of pajamas as much as the next person.  I love me some comfortable bedroom shoes too.  The fluffier the better.  Oh and a fluffy, soft robe that is a little too big to keep me warm in the morning. That being said, I do not want to see you pumping gas or pushing a shopping cart at 11:00am with your pajamas on.  If I have to put on sweats and put my hair in a ponytail then you should too.  I even take 30 seconds to take off my bedroom shoes and throw on some running shoes or flip flops.  I mean really, those fluffy froggy slippers are cute but they are picking up all kinds of grossness off of the floor at Walmart and you are taking it right back to your house. Ewww.  Throw on those flip flops like I do!!

While we are talking about what women do, let's move on to the young men. You guys are another story.  I want you guys to pull up your darn pants.  Nobody wants to see your underwear!!  How long can this trend go on?  Do you really think that you look cool with your underwear and half of your behind showing?  No, you look like an idiot! You are never going to get a job with your butt hanging out. Why do you think we never see you working?  You guys are just walking around town or the mall.  Pull up those pants and you will get a job!!  You walk around holding them up with one hand so why not tighten that belt and then you can use both hands to fill out that job application.  I would love for you to hand me my chicken sandwich and waffle fries but not if you are pulling up your pants with one of your hands every 5 seconds! Why do we never see anyone over 40 dressed this way unless they are rappers?  The reason is because we know better!!  (Also, this is not a racist statement because I see almost as many white and Hispanic young men doing this as I do black.)

Okay so put some clothes on before going out of the house and pull up your pants!! Nobody wants to see your pajamas or underwear.  People make assumptions based on your appearance.  Whether or not that is fair, I don't know, but it is the reality of life. You look lazy!  It may not be true but you do!! Pull up those pants and put on some clothes!! Now let's get out there!! Have a great day!!

Life Lesson #15,021-I'm perfectly happy with my house until the next catalog comes

Life Lesson #15,021-I'm Perfectly Happy With My House Until The Next Catalog Comes
Well, my house was great and then I got the new Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware catalogs.  Now I need new duvet covers, drapes and towels.  Oh and rugs.  I hate my rugs. Well except for the one tapestry rug that I own.  You know?  The one rug in my house that the cats throw up on? One rug!!! One!!! Every time!!! I mean these cats will run from upstairs with vomit about to spew from their ears to throw up on this rug. They know that it is my one nice rug.  Otherwise, they would throw up on the hardwood floors or bathmats. I have high maintenance cats.  That's what it is.  My cats are high maintenance!!  Anyway, now I need all new stuff!

Then I start looking at Crate & Barrel and Pier One and now I know how much I need to replace my china, flatware and all of my different glasses.  Maybe I could give my china to my cats!! Ya know?  Since they know the good stuff. Oh and I need some new table cloths and place mats for the cats to lay on.

Then I get tons of clothing catalogs and I begin to hate all of my clothes.  I need this and I need that!! More jeans.  More tops.  More sweaters.  More shirts.  Another winter coat.  New belts and scarves. You get my drift, right?

Oh and I get Home Decorators and Ballard Design.  I need all new home decor.  My pictures are not as cute as theirs.  My picture frames are dated.  My knick knacks are old and dusty and my lamps aren't glamorous enough.  I need some more fabulous down pillows for my couch.  Oh and my couch!! It needs replacing!! There are some great ones in these catalogs.  Love the ones with tan ticking. Oh sorry! I spaced on the new couches and pillows again!!

I got this catalog today called Grandinroad.  Now I need new decorations for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas!! All of mine suck! They have a Christmas mantel scarf that is so stinking cute!!  Oh and real looking mummies for Halloween!!!  What am I going to do??  I don't have this kind of money!!  I may have to put off my Botox this month.  Oh who am I trying to kid?  I'm not doing that!!

Then I look at Pinterest.  My entire house sucks!! I give up!! Never ever, ever look at Pinterest!! You may as well live in a tent because there are actually people with limestone floors, marble counter tops and loggias with views of the infinity pools.

Okay, blog readers, thank you for reading my crazy rant but now I cannot live in my house.  I will do my next blog from my car...

 

Life Lesson #15,013-DO NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT PINTEREST

Life Lesson #15,013-DO NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT CHECKING OUT PINTEREST!
Y'all I am so upset.  I got married, had a baby, decorated a house, went clothes shopping, shoe shopping and I have cooked for years without looking at Pinterest.com and now I know what a failure I am.  I want to do it all over again.  My wedding could have had those crystal thingys hanging from trees!! My poor son had to sleep in a dumb ole Peter Rabbit nursery.  I hate all of my clothes! I hate all of my shoes...well, not all of them but I really do need those new Christian Louboutin shoes.  They are only $995. I think all women should have the money to have a pair of those shoes!! (Including me!!) My dinner last night sucked!! I mean my pasta salad was not at all fabulous!!

Here is my problem:  I could look at Pinterest all day long and get ideas.  I need to actually stop "pinning" these ideas and start doing some of them.  My closet looks like I let a crazy person try on clothes and shoes. I need to organize my closet like they have them organized on Pinterest.  I need to hang my boots on those boot hangers and make hangers for my flip flops and sandals.  I need to organize my cabinets and put lighting in them.  I need to clean my grout with that super duper mixture that promises to get it white again.  I need to clean that stain in the den carpet with that mixture that is supposed to remove any stain from any carpet.  I need to wipe my baseboards with dryer sheets so they are dust free and will stay that way.  I need to prune my bushes the proper way.  I need to repaint furniture and make it look fabulous.  (Did y'all know that there is a spray paint that is so super-metallic that it looks like chrome!!) I need to shine my hardwood floors, clean my tarnished silver, clean my ceramic cooktop, clean my jewelry, monogram everything and do those exercises that promise to give me a flat belly in 10 days! I need to do it all today!!!!!! Oh, who am I kidding.  I'm gonna take a nap.

Today's Life Lesson #15,008-White Jeans

Today's Life Lesson #15,008-White Jeans
If you see me anytime in the next few days I will probably be wearing my favorite pair of white skinny jeans.  Apparently, I am not allowed to wear them after Monday because it is Labor Day and being that I am a Southern Belle and always, always, always follow proper Southern Etiquette (wink,wink), I must put them away until Easter, the first day of spring or Memorial Day. (I will use whichever comes first!!)  This is the one piece of etiquette that I would like to throw out the window along with my friends Katheryn, Morrow and Hayden!! They keep me in line every year and make sure that I know what time of year it is. My white skinny jeans are my favorites!! They actually look good on me and I do "appear" to be skinny in them.  I think Emily Post must have been naturally skinny or morbidly obese because if she looked great in white skinny jeans, she would not have made up such an asinine rule of etiquette and then put it in that dumb book.  Now there are some designers who still make white pants and shoes for the winter and call them "Winter White".  That is a crock because winter white is just as white as summer white nowadays.  Why is this the one rule that we must cling onto when there are teenage girls wearing shirts that do not cover their belly buttons to church?  Obviously, we have bigger fish to fry. I think that should be the #1 Rule of Etiquette! No midriffs at church!  Oh and No Bra Straps Showing either!!  I don't care if you are wearing those clear shoulder straps...I CAN STILL SEE THEM!! 

I think it is discrimination against anything below the waist to not be able to wear white.  I mean, I am allowed to wear white shirts!  White shirts are never off limits.  Just white skinny jeans! (And shorts and belts and shoes but you get my drift. Right?)  Just look at how fabulous these models look in white jeans:


It must be a Southern thing because I see some ladies with boots on in these pics and you know that you aren't supposed to wear boots until the first day of fall!  You know that girl is a Yankee!! Seriously, why do we care what Emily Post said?  She has been dead long enough for us to cut loose and stop following her rules. Right??  Who's with me?? Let's rebel!! It's an election year so there will be many protests going on in the coming months.  People may not even notice if we wear our white skinny jeans!! My vote is not for RED or BLUE this year!! It's for WHITE!!!  (Skinny jeans that is!!) Life Lesson for today is White Skinny Jeans Rock!!