Lesson #15,100-Humans Are Funny!

Okay, so I mean so-called "Civilized Humans" are funny.  Why do we do the things that we do?  For example, why do we plant grass and then when it grows, we cut it?  Didn't we plant it so it would grow?  I bet if you brought a person from the bush to the subdivision they would think we were crazy!!  We plant pretty things in our yard.  They plant food to survive.

Monkeys preen each other and yes once every six weeks or so we get preened by the hairdresser but these monkeys not only preen each other but they also eat whatever bugs are crawling in their fur.  I could save lots of money on groceries if we had fleas!! 
(HUMANS???)
We keep animals as pets.  People in the bush don't have purebred dogs to keep them company.  If they have dogs they are for protection and sometimes for food.  Now I'm not saying we should eat Fido but I bet the bushmen would think we were crazy for having little dogs and dressing them up like babies.  Many people have what used to be considered livestock as pets now.  Some people have goats and pigs living in their house.  The bushmen would have cooked the pot-bellied pig for dinner!  Our animals are spoiled rotten.  I mean worse than our children sometimes.  Pets don't talk back to us like our children do!!
(AWWWWW)
Humans put out bird feeders just to watch the birds.  I am telling you that is a mistake!!  We had a bird feeder on our back porch a few years ago and those little greedy bastards would fight over the birdseed and then they would tell their other little birdie friends about the free food and they would bring their families over to eat and then they would poop all over our deck.  My husband has no tolerance for the freeloading birds so he made me move the bird feeder out to the backyard.  Then the squirrels started!!  Did you know that squirrels are intelligent little creatures?  They weren't happy with the little bit of birdseed that would come out slowly as they ate it so they would hang upside down from the bird feeder and shake it until all of the birdseed fell onto the ground and those greedy little boogers would eat it all up!!  We had the fattest squirrels in the neighborhood!  My husband had enough and has "forbidden" me to buy any more birdseed!!
(FREELOADERS!!) 
We have indoor plumbing and complain about the water bill.  We have electricity and complain about the electric bill.  We have to wear clothes and shoes and we complain about having to pay for them.  Oh! Wait! That is just my husband complaining about how much I spend on shoes!!!  And while we are talking about shoes, why do us women folk wear high heeled shoes?  Yes they look cute but OUCH!!!  No foot was designed to be shaped that way.  We do it in the name of fashion!!  We also paint our nails.  Seriously, we are funny creatures!!
(Yes, Please!! Shoes make me happy.  I'm superficial.  Whatever!!)

Life Lesson #15,054-Human Beings Do Dumb Things

Do we really do dumb things?  Yes, we do.  Of course we do.  Here are a few things that we do that make absolutely no sense whatsoever!

Mowing grass.  Why is that so dumb?  Well, we aerate the lawn.  We plant seeds.  We fertilize the ground.  We put hay on it.  We water it so it will grow and then we cut it.  Huh?  What a complete waste of time!! Why did we spend so much time making it grow only to cut it?  See?  That's a dumb thing!!


Golf.  Now y'all know that most sports are dumb if you really think about the point of the game but golf has got to be the dumbest.  You carry around sticks to hit a little ball into a little hole.  Just drive the golf cart over to the hole, drop it in and then you are done and you can go home!! Then you go and do this eighteen times.  Isn't once enough? Oh and those awful outfits!! Have mercy!!
 

Hair.  Now maybe this one is just me. Every year I want to grow my hair out.  It gets long and then it begins to get on my nerves.  Up in a ponytail it goes!!  I want to wear it long but I don't have the patience or talent to style it. So up in a high ponytail it goes.  Up in a low ponytail.  Up in a twisty bun.  Then I cut it off and hate it and grow it out again only to go back to the ponytail style over and over again.  It's a vicious cycle.
 

Fashion.  Why must we change "What's Hot" every year?  Let's just stick with what is hot right now for a couple of years so we don't have to buy what is hot this season, every season.  Enough!!!  I don't think we look all that bad right now.  I totally understand us changing what was "hot" in the 70's because that was just a hot mess!! But come on!!  Let's just stick with our style one more year so I don't have to buy any new clothes!!


Christmas.  This one is totally the fault of retailers.  Oh and all of us who fall for it every year.  Christmas is Jesus Christ's birthday, not ours.  Jesus was born of a virgin and died for our sins and we give each other gifts.  Huh?  Why not give to the poor?  If we all would donate the money that we spend on Christmas gifts to charity, there would be no poor or homeless people.  Seriously!!  One study said that the average American spends $750 on Christmas gifts.  That money would be better used by a local charity.  Now, I'm not saying to boycott Christmas because it is a fun time of year but why go into debt over Christmas?


Cell Phones.  We all need them, right?  Didn't we live without them 20 years ago?  Then I lived just fine with one installed inside my car for 10 years so just in the past 10 years have we became dependent on our cell phones. We wonder why we are stressed out all of the time?  Well, we are wired 100% of the time.  We feel guilty if we don't answer our phones.  There was a time where you could only catch us at home or at work but now with cell phones being easily portable, you cannot even take a nap on the beach in Fiji without having your cell phone wake you up with a phone call from North Carolina.  Hmmm.  Wonder why sales of medications for stress and anxiety are skyrocketing??  No downtime.


Pets.  What?  Humans aren't enough for you?  We've gotta keep up animals too?  They were living just fine without us for thousands of years.  Dogs, horses and oxen worked for us until 100 years ago.  Now we are our pets' servants!!  You know that we have to serve them, especially if you are a cat owner.  At least a dog will come when called.  My cats look at me like I have 3 heads if I call them.  I have to feed them, put water in their bowl and scoop their poop!  There is not a human being that I have to shovel poop for so why do I have to have a pet that I have to do it for?  That is insanity!!


Okay, yes I have more but y'all are getting bored so I will stop this blog right here!! Am I right though?  We are doing some dumb things!!