Lesson #150,154-Romance isn't dead!! (In the animal kingdom)

Okay, So I have some good news, Ladies!!  Romance is not dead!!  Well, at least not in the animal kingdom.  Sitting in the quiet house with no television, radio or vacuum cleaner on, I can hear the songbirds singing their little hearts out.  Sounds I have never heard before.  The most beautiful singing that I have ever heard.  Those little male songbirds with their feathers all aglow with color and their songs ring through the trees searching for the perfect mate.  All male birds are more beautiful than their female counterparts.  From ducks to little finches, their colors are beautiful. It is meant to attract the ladies.  Lady birds.  I think human men should take notes from these birds.  I mean, I don't think men should dress in feathers and sing, unless you are a drag queen.  Of course, even straight women love a good drag show.  Maybe that's why we love a drag show!!


Why do men hate to dress up so much?  Women love to dress up in our sexy cocktail dresses and heels that we pay way too much for.  Women love makeup and our favorite day of the month is Hair Day!! The day we get to color our gray "plumes" back to our "natural" color.  When men turn gray and have laugh lines, they are considered "distinguished".  When they are distinguished and are dressed nicely, they are considered "dapper".  When women of a certain age are gray and have laugh lines, we are considered "aging" so we fight it tooth and nail with Botox, filler and hair dye.  Even having face lifts or neck lifts. Horrible laser treatments and chemical peels. When it comes to aging, women can be way more vain than our male counterparts. Trust me on this...aging women, such as myself, feel like we are falling apart at the seams.  Aging isn't for wimps!!  In my 20's, if I needed to lose a couple of pounds, I could lose them easily without working out like a mad woman.  Now, I have to work out just to maintain a certain weight.  Muscle isn't built easily.  Fat isn't lost easily.

My point is this, we would like to be wooed like the birds do for their mates, even when we have been together for over 20 years.  Bring me a bouquet of fresh flowers once in a while.  Surprise me with a day at the spa.  Write me a little note and leave it on my pillow.  Believe me, you don't have to sing.  As a matter of fact, please don't!! When we have the chance to go to an event that we have to dress a certain way, JUST DO IT!! I promise that all of us housewives don't expect our men to wear a seersucker suit and a bow tie every day but it would be nice to see our men in some khaki pants and a nice pair of Bucks occasionally.  If you aren't from The South, you probably don't know what Bucks are. Here in The South, a sure way to catch your ladies' eye is to wear a seersucker suit and a pair of Bucks.

I know that women can do better to make sure our mates know how we feel about them.  We get into our daily routines and running children hither and yon, but we would like some romance occasionally too.  Even when we have been married forever!! We all get in our ruts and have an unrealistic view of how marriage should be.  I blame this on Hollywood.  I'm sure that 200 years ago, women knew how married life would be.  Hollywood makes every fairytale romance look like it can be reality.  Let's all make a little more effort in our relationships.  Maybe just eating together in the dining room without cell phones or the TV on.  Maybe even just sitting and talking on the back porch with a cold drink. Let's bring back romance!!  It's not dead!!  Take notes from the birds!!

Lesson #15,100-Humans Are Funny!

Okay, so I mean so-called "Civilized Humans" are funny.  Why do we do the things that we do?  For example, why do we plant grass and then when it grows, we cut it?  Didn't we plant it so it would grow?  I bet if you brought a person from the bush to the subdivision they would think we were crazy!!  We plant pretty things in our yard.  They plant food to survive.

Monkeys preen each other and yes once every six weeks or so we get preened by the hairdresser but these monkeys not only preen each other but they also eat whatever bugs are crawling in their fur.  I could save lots of money on groceries if we had fleas!! 
(HUMANS???)
We keep animals as pets.  People in the bush don't have purebred dogs to keep them company.  If they have dogs they are for protection and sometimes for food.  Now I'm not saying we should eat Fido but I bet the bushmen would think we were crazy for having little dogs and dressing them up like babies.  Many people have what used to be considered livestock as pets now.  Some people have goats and pigs living in their house.  The bushmen would have cooked the pot-bellied pig for dinner!  Our animals are spoiled rotten.  I mean worse than our children sometimes.  Pets don't talk back to us like our children do!!
(AWWWWW)
Humans put out bird feeders just to watch the birds.  I am telling you that is a mistake!!  We had a bird feeder on our back porch a few years ago and those little greedy bastards would fight over the birdseed and then they would tell their other little birdie friends about the free food and they would bring their families over to eat and then they would poop all over our deck.  My husband has no tolerance for the freeloading birds so he made me move the bird feeder out to the backyard.  Then the squirrels started!!  Did you know that squirrels are intelligent little creatures?  They weren't happy with the little bit of birdseed that would come out slowly as they ate it so they would hang upside down from the bird feeder and shake it until all of the birdseed fell onto the ground and those greedy little boogers would eat it all up!!  We had the fattest squirrels in the neighborhood!  My husband had enough and has "forbidden" me to buy any more birdseed!!
(FREELOADERS!!) 
We have indoor plumbing and complain about the water bill.  We have electricity and complain about the electric bill.  We have to wear clothes and shoes and we complain about having to pay for them.  Oh! Wait! That is just my husband complaining about how much I spend on shoes!!!  And while we are talking about shoes, why do us women folk wear high heeled shoes?  Yes they look cute but OUCH!!!  No foot was designed to be shaped that way.  We do it in the name of fashion!!  We also paint our nails.  Seriously, we are funny creatures!!
(Yes, Please!! Shoes make me happy.  I'm superficial.  Whatever!!)