Lesson #150,152-What's A Mom To Wear??

Okay, So what is a Mom to wear?  Now, we can all get tips on what NOT to wear when we go to Walmart.  Just sit on a bench near the checkout and you will be amazed at what people wear in that place.  Hopefully, we all know that pajamas and fuzzy slippers are not appropriate for leaving the house and going shopping.  Okay, you can wear them if you go to Walmart but if you are going to Target or the grocery store, please leave the Hello Kitty pjs on the floor in your bedroom. 

Moms are constantly being picked on about Mom jeans and yoga pants.  If it were up to me, I would live in my yoga pants and my favorite long sleeved tee shirts.  My high fashion consists of Guy Harvey and Vineyard Vines Tees.  My "Mom Jeans" are from American Eagle, $30, and they don't look like Mom Jeans.  My favorite shoes are my 5 year old, well-worn Sperry topsiders.  I look at some Moms in carpool line and they usually look much like I do.  Some have played tennis and have their tight shorts on and their butts look amazing. Some have taught exercise classes all day and they look amazing in their yoga pants.  Some Moms have just left court and have been litigating cases all day and they look great!! Some Moms are in their yoga pants and a side pony and rock it.  Let me clear one thing up.  My yoga pants have never been to yoga.  I just love them!! Now, I do Pilates and dance in them. (Dance=until this pro/am dance competition is over and then I will be back to Pilates only!!)  Some Moms just look like a hot mess.  Usually I am one of them.  I am going to work on this.

Okay, so what are we supposed to wear without being judged?  I refuse to dress up to go to carpool, the grocery store and Target.  I watch reality TV and see these ladies on "The Real Housewives of..." all around town in cocktail dresses, full makeup, eyelashes and hair curled.  Not a ball cap in sight!!  Let's settle on something comfortable.  I am, by no means, someone to be giving out style advice but maybe I can help moms spruce up their wardrobes with a few simple tips.  Again, just to be clear, we don't need to wear heels and be uncomfortable to look good.  We can wear a solid colored tee with an inexpensive thin cardigan (from Gap Outlet) over it to look a little nicer than just the tee.  A white tee and a white collared shirt are your best friends.  Everyone looks great in a crisp white collared shirt, no matter what size you are!! You can throw a scarf around your neck if there is a chill in the air and look great. Something like this:

Or this:


In the summer, we can wear things like this:

Or this:

I am short so I don't have some of the options that some of my tall readers have so here are a few tips for us "Shorties".  "Petite" women should never wear long skirts.  It makes us look 6 inches shorter.  We should not wear Bermuda shorts.  We should not wear bell bottomed jeans, no matter what real stylists tell us!!  Some of us petite girls are told not to wear Capri pants.  I disagree a little bit.  If they are longer capris, they don't look good on us.  If they are calf length capris, those are fine.  Shorter shorts make our legs look longer!!  We can create that illusion of being tall, even though we are not.  I can't wear long dresses or skirts.  Tall girls can rock those cute Maxi dresses.  We cannot!!  Y'all tall girls, just go on with your bad selves!!  Us short girls will be in our short skirts and dresses. 

We don't have to "dress up" to look nice.  Invest in a nice belt.  I bought a belt from Gap years ago that I only paid $30 for and I wear that thing all the time.  A nice leather belt will usually set you back over $80 but if you think about it, you will wear it with nearly everything from shorts, jeans, capris or even over a cute dress.  Spend a little money on your belt and get a good one.  You can buy less expensive sandals at TJ Maxx or Target to set off your look.

Now, even though I am short, I hate wearing heels unless I am at an event or church.  It isn't practical to wear heels when you are a mother who works at home.  Chasing around children in 6 inch heels is impossible.  Plus, wearing them to the soccer field will ruin the heels!!  Save your heels for church, charity events or maybe even date night!!

Buy some inexpensive jewelry from a downtown boutique or even a vintage store.  Some of the jewelry that my mother wore in the 70's is still in style now.  Layer small bracelets or a silver cuff to dress up an outfit.  Most moms can't afford real gold earrings so just be sure to buy "gold" earrings with sterling posts.  That will make you look great without the expensive price tag.  As the saying goes, fake it 'til you make it!! You don't need a string of $5,000 pearls.  You can get the $20 string and nobody will know the difference.  Here in the South, a string of pearls is an essential part of your jewelry box.  You can raid your mother's jewelry box and find a string.  If they need restringing, you can buy a cheap skinny ribbon and restring them yourself and tie a bow at the end.  Restring them in any color ribbon to go with any outfit.  Simply tie a small knot in the end and roll them onto the next color of ribbon.  Easy!! Also, friends can help with jewelry.  Trade a few necklaces and earring for a month and make a new style!!  Borrowing and trading can be fun!!

Okay, so I hope this helps.  Now, don't judge me if you see me in carpool line with my ball cap on and NO PEARLS!!!  Much love to all of you Moms who work so hard every day!! Your work can often be overlooked unless it is not done.

Lesson #15,131-Friends Are Like Shoes

Okay, so we all have shoes.  Some shoes we love more than others.  Some shoes we save for special occasions.  Some shoes we wear every day.  Some shoes are always in the floor for you to trip over.  Same thing with friends!! Right?  Let me explain.

Some shoes are like high heels.  They look really pretty.  They tempt you and tell you that you "NEED" them.  Then when you wear them, they make you uncomfortable.  They hurt you.  They leave scars!!

Then there are your favorite pair of tennis shoes.  They are a little more comfortable.  You can't wear them everywhere because they don't go with everything.  They really are good shoes but they just can't be there with you all the time.

And then we come to the best shoes EVER!!  Yep, flip flops.  Your favorite pair.  You wear them all of the time.  They are comfortable and they are there for you all of the time.  You can wear them anytime with anything.  Flip flops can be worn with a dress, jeans, shorts and even pajamas!!  They are better than your dirty old bedroom shoes!!  Flip flops don't care what you wear.  Flip flops just go with the flow.  They make you more relaxed.  You don't have a care in the world with your flip flops especially on the beach!! 

So, you see what I mean?  Some shoes look great and make you feel bad.  Those are your "Not-so-good" Friends.  Some shoes are pretty darn good shoes but you don't need them all of the time and they certainly don't need to be worn all of the time.  Those are your "Good" Friends.  Then there are the good ole flip flops that are good and worn in and fun and carefree and comfortable.  Those are your "Best" Friends.

Go and be a flip flop to someone today!!

Lesson #15,100-Humans Are Funny!

Okay, so I mean so-called "Civilized Humans" are funny.  Why do we do the things that we do?  For example, why do we plant grass and then when it grows, we cut it?  Didn't we plant it so it would grow?  I bet if you brought a person from the bush to the subdivision they would think we were crazy!!  We plant pretty things in our yard.  They plant food to survive.

Monkeys preen each other and yes once every six weeks or so we get preened by the hairdresser but these monkeys not only preen each other but they also eat whatever bugs are crawling in their fur.  I could save lots of money on groceries if we had fleas!! 
(HUMANS???)
We keep animals as pets.  People in the bush don't have purebred dogs to keep them company.  If they have dogs they are for protection and sometimes for food.  Now I'm not saying we should eat Fido but I bet the bushmen would think we were crazy for having little dogs and dressing them up like babies.  Many people have what used to be considered livestock as pets now.  Some people have goats and pigs living in their house.  The bushmen would have cooked the pot-bellied pig for dinner!  Our animals are spoiled rotten.  I mean worse than our children sometimes.  Pets don't talk back to us like our children do!!
(AWWWWW)
Humans put out bird feeders just to watch the birds.  I am telling you that is a mistake!!  We had a bird feeder on our back porch a few years ago and those little greedy bastards would fight over the birdseed and then they would tell their other little birdie friends about the free food and they would bring their families over to eat and then they would poop all over our deck.  My husband has no tolerance for the freeloading birds so he made me move the bird feeder out to the backyard.  Then the squirrels started!!  Did you know that squirrels are intelligent little creatures?  They weren't happy with the little bit of birdseed that would come out slowly as they ate it so they would hang upside down from the bird feeder and shake it until all of the birdseed fell onto the ground and those greedy little boogers would eat it all up!!  We had the fattest squirrels in the neighborhood!  My husband had enough and has "forbidden" me to buy any more birdseed!!
(FREELOADERS!!) 
We have indoor plumbing and complain about the water bill.  We have electricity and complain about the electric bill.  We have to wear clothes and shoes and we complain about having to pay for them.  Oh! Wait! That is just my husband complaining about how much I spend on shoes!!!  And while we are talking about shoes, why do us women folk wear high heeled shoes?  Yes they look cute but OUCH!!!  No foot was designed to be shaped that way.  We do it in the name of fashion!!  We also paint our nails.  Seriously, we are funny creatures!!
(Yes, Please!! Shoes make me happy.  I'm superficial.  Whatever!!)