Don't Do That. It Won't Change Anything!!-150,157

Don't Do That.  It Won't Change Anything!!

Okay, so we all should know that yelling at the weatherman won't change the weather.  If you don't like heat, cold, rain or snow, you have no place to go on Earth and there is nobody on the planet that can change it.  It's almost like the old saying goes...Don't shoot the messenger!  Don't do that.  It won't change anything.


Speaking of shooting the messenger, sometimes being the messenger can get you into trouble.  "Your child did this to my child."  "Your husband is cheating on you."  "You know that she talks about you behind your back, right?"  See what I mean?  You may be the one who gets shot instead of the child, the husband or the backstabbing friend.  Someone might come back to you with "Well, what did your child do to my child to make my child do that to your child?" or "How do you know that my husband is cheating on me?  Did you see it with your own two eyes?" or "Have you heard that friend talk about me?  What did you say when she said that about me?  Did you stick up for me?  What did she say then?"  Don't do that.  It won't change anything.


So, the teenager that is working the drive thru didn't give you your sandwich without pickles.  What do you do?  Do you go inside and berate him or her for putting pickles on your hamburger?  Do you drive back around in the drive thru line and make the teen give you another burger without pickles?  Do you ask for the manager?  Don't do that.  It won't change anything.


Your Facebook friend who you haven't seen in over 25 years posts something about politics that you don't agree with.  What do you do?  Do you "unfriend" that person?  Do you start an argument with that person on their Facebook page?  Do you state your opinion and try to lead this idiot over to your way of thinking because, clearly, they are uninformed or uneducated about what they are saying?  Don't do that.  It won't change anything.


What about if you hear that someone, who you think is a good friend, has been talking about you behind your back?  Do you confront them with what you have heard?  Do you rat out your friend who told you this information?  Do you totally ignore this person the next time that you see them?  Do you start talking about them all over town?  Don't do that.  It won't change anything.


The older I get, the more I think about this.  I think back to when I was young and I remember being short tempered and quick to react to a situation.  I have learned to sleep on it for one night.  If it still bothers me in the morning, maybe I should consider doing something.  99 times out of 100, I don't lose any sleep over things that don't matter in my life and with every new day, I have a choice to be happy or to be miserable.  I can choose to live in the past or live for the future, without forgetting to live today.  In the grand scheme of life, does it really matter if I had pickle juice on my hamburger bun?  Does it matter what other people's children do?  Does it matter what someone else thinks of me?  No.  If my husband ever dared to cheat on me, that would be his choice and he would have to live with the consequences just as I would have to live with the consequences of an affair that I dared to have.  The weatherman isn't in charge of the weather and if my Facebook friend has a differing opinion than I do regarding politics, I just keep scrolling.  Is it really worth losing a friend over an opinion?  Don't do that.  It won't change anything.

Lesson #150,156-What Not To Give As a Christmas Gift

What Not To Give As A Christmas Gift

Okay, so 'Tis the Season, Right?  'Tis not the season for Re-gifting.  Well, turns out, it is. 

Bath Salts

Nobody really wants bath salts.  Nobody really uses bath salts.  Nobody has time for a bath.  Bath salts never really melt.  They just float around on top of the water or sink to the bottom of the tub, making it uncomfortable to move around.  I think that there have only really been a few bottles of bath salts ever purchased and they just keep getting passed around from friend to friend.  The bottles may get used once but never again because the crunchy pebbles do not relax you.  If anything, they stress you out.  First, they won't melt.  Second, they hurt your bottom.  Third, they are supposed to de-stress but the end up "distressing" the user. Forth, since they never melt, you have to clean the tub and rake the granules down the drain.  Last, you have to keep the bottle of bath salts visible in your bathroom, just in case your friend ever needs to use the upstairs bathroom in the master bedroom so that they can possibly, maybe see that you appreciate their gift.  Yes, the bottle is dusty and only one scoop has been used but what if Martha shows up to your house and wants to use your bathroom, even though there are 2 other bathrooms in your home and one is downstairs??  They must be on display!!

Christmas Mugs

Doesn't everyone already have 15 odd Christmas mugs in their cabinet already?  If you come to my house in July and want a cup of coffee, you will probably drink it from one of our Christmas mugs.  There is a Santa one.  A snowflake one.  A couple of tall snowmen mugs. One with an elf.  I can't even find my real coffee mugs because of all of the Christmas mugs in my cabinet.  If you are buying me a Christmas mug, go ahead and buy an entire set so that everyone can have the same mug to drink from.

A Single Christmas Ornament

At our age, we are all funny about our Christmas trees.  Some people have one Christmas tree and some have 15 but we have our decorations for all of our trees carefully planned out already.  Strategically, placed blue and silver trees.  A kitchen tree with food items.  Our children's tree with all of the ornaments that they have made or collected over the years. Our main tree with all our finest collections of ornaments and bows and such.  We don't want a single Christmas ornament to have to hang on the back of the tree!!  Yes, that is where a single, but nice, Christmas ornament goes.  The dreaded back of the tree.

A Scented Candle

Everyone loves for their home to smell good but that one scented candle that has sat on your bar for the past year, is not the perfect last minute hostess gift.  You know that it is dusty.  You know that you have dusted off an unlit candle and put it in a used gift bag before.  Admit it.  Scented candles are pretty and smell good to some people but most people get a headache from a scented candle.  Plus, if you are serving food, a scented candle is not a good idea.  It changes the flavor of the food because of the sense of smell.  Now if you have a room full of people who have mutant noses that have no more sense of smell, feel free, but please spare the rest of us the pain of the migraine from your scented candle.  (Now, I am preaching to myself here because I have one candle in my bathroom that is scented and I do light it when people are coming over just in case anyone needs to, ya know, do a quick #2 in the downstairs bathroom that everyone else is using.) 

Best Friends Picture Frame

Okay, so everyone has more than one friend who thinks that they are your best friend.  When you give Martha a framed photo of yourself and her on vacation together in a "Best Friends" picture frame, you know that will hurt Tara's feelings if she sees that.  Maybe you just want to lay claim to Martha.  Maybe you want to give ole Tara a hint.  Me and Martha are Best Friends and you, Tara, are the other friend.  WE are "Best Friends"!!  Plus, you just added to Martha's list of items to dust. 

"Basically, anything that needs to be fed, watered or dusted is a bad idea."-Susan Radford (The new Emily Post)  This includes plants, pets or picture frames.  Susan also says that any kind of food or alcohol is proper.  Anyone who knows Susan knows that she isn't kidding.  You may never drink the bottle of Johnny Walker but someone who visits your home in the next 10 years may want a shot of Johnny Walker.  That makes it proper, unless the person that you give it to is a recovering alcoholic.  Then you may have made a horrible decision in bringing your dusty bottle of Johnny Walker.

Good ideas:

Who doesn't like a lantern?  Who doesn't like a lantern with goodies inside of it?

Another great idea, especially if you are staying overnight.  This idea lets the host know that they do not have to get up early in the morning and make a big breakfast.  It will be of great relief to the host that you won't be a high maintenance guest.


This is a great idea, especially if you are visiting friends or family who do not drink alcohol.  You bring your own, drink it when you feel is proper and leave the beautiful bottle as the gift to the friend or family member.  If someone is opposed to alcohol for themselves for religious reasons or for health reasons, this will keep your host from feeling like they have to go and buy alcohol for you to drink.


To me this is the best gift ever!!!  It shows me that you are willing to eat off of a paper plate and that you don't expect the fine china to be pulled down from the top shelf.  The fine china hasn't been used since...well...never.  

I hope these tips are useful and that we are all mindful of others during the holiday season. Make sure that any guest who has a food allergy is accommodated.  If you are a strict vegan, bring your own dish of food to share. (You are usually the minority.)  If you are at a meal or party where a prayer is said and you don't believe in God, bow your head anyway. (It's the right thing to do.) If you are hosting a party, make sure to have something to drink without alcohol in it.  (You never know what someone has been through.)  Be mindful of anyone who has lost a family member in the past year.  (Don't go on and on about how great your Mom is to a friend who has just lost their Mom.)  If you don't love your Mother-in-law, invite her to your house anyway!!! (She may be lonely and you can stand anyone for a couple of hours. Plus, she probably longs to see her son or daughter.)  Remember that life is too short to hurt feelings or to waste time feeling hurt.  We have to let things go sometimes.  We can't change the world but we can change how we react to the world.

Happy Holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Hanukkah.
Happy Everything.

Lesson 15,150-Aging Parents

Okay, so I have entered a new chapter in my life.  It's the hard part of life that everyone will eventually face.  In our 40's, we have our own children and families to take care of, friends who are in need of support and the part of our lives where we have aging parents.  In the past couple of months, I have attended a few funerals of people who I never even knew but they were one of my friend's parents and I had to be there for my friends, while also taking care of my family and aging parent.  Some of us are blessed to still have parents that are in good health at 90-something and some of us have parents who are 60-something and in failing health. This is tough.  So, in between taking care of our families, we make time for our parents who are aging and make casseroles for friends who have lost a parent.  We drive our children to soccer practice and drop off a casserole.  We go to the grocery store and run an errand for a friend in need.  We go to the doctor because at 40+ our bodies are falling apart and we need mammograms and colonoscopies and start having blood pressure problems and then we go to our parents house and fill up their medicine boxes for the week.  We take our parents to the doctor and pick up kids from school.  Some days we don't even get our beds made because we have so many things to do.  Some of us work and still manage to find time to do all of these things and still make time to bake a cake for a friend.  It's almost humorous the things that we find time to do with everything going on.  We have to find humor in these crazy times in our lives.  Throw in a load of laundry, take a shower, put the clothes in the dryer, go pick up the kids, restart the dryer, help with homework, restart the dryer, cook dinner, restart the dryer, get the kids ready for bed, restart the dryer, take my nighttime meds, load the dishwasher and go to bed.  Wake up in the morning, restart the dryer, take the kids to school, restart the dryer, call you sick parent, finally fold the clothes in the dryer.

Some of us have elderly parents or elderly in-laws who live with us.  I have tried to get one of my friends to write a blog about her "Adventures With Mom" but she won't but boy does she have some good ones. You have to see her act out what her Mom does for it to be funny.  Her Mom is a hoot and she doesn't even realize it!! She is in her 80's so she lived through a lot of things in her life.  She has lived through lots of Presidents, wars, the Civil Rights era and Women's Lib.  She has probably washed clothes on a washing board and couldn't figure out how to use her daughter's high-tech washing machine.  She lived before TV's were in every room. She lived when there weren't phones in everyone's home and before cell phones.  She probably doesn't know how to turn on a computer.  She probably sat around a radio and listened to The Lone Ranger.  She probably listened to Frank Sinatra on a scratchy record player.  Her Mom has to be a tough to have lived this long but she is getting frail and needs supervision. Same thing with lots of our aging parents.

My Dad is in his early 70's and has health issues.  Everyone will tell you how sweet he is and how much they love him and he has tons of friends but if he needs something, he only wants his daughters there to take care of him.  Getting him to understand medical jargon is up to me.  Getting to understand his finances is up to my sister. He takes medicines which have side effects so he has to take another medicine for a side effect and then that medicine causes him to have another issue.  Tack on surgery to that and then there is another side effect and more medications to combat all of those side effects.  He gets dehydrated easily which effects his kidneys.  His kidney tests are high and he doesn't understand that because he has never had problems with his kidneys.  Then he takes a medication for diabetes and it has side effects on the kidneys. He has to take fluid pills and that has side effects on his kidneys.  His feet are swollen and he won't keep them propped up and argues with me when I try to explain that gravity is not his friend when he has fluid built up so he has to keep them elevated above his heart.  That just makes him angry to have to sit around with his feet propped up and sleep with his feet elevated.  Then he needs to eat more protein so he calls me every 2 hours to see if it is okay to eat something like peanut butter or bacon.  Salt isn't your friend when you have fluid overload but he likes bacon and he likes grits with salt so he's going do what he wants to do and then complains about the fluid!!!  "Well, Daddy, the swelling won't go down if you don't keep those feet up and lower your salt intake!!"  And at what age do you start counting your bowel movements every day?  "If you have one, Daddy, you're fine!!" If he has only one, he gets worried that he is constipated.  If he has three or more, he's worried that he has diarrhea.  So, I pray that he has 2 every day!!  I'm quite sure that I will do whatever I want to do when I am in my 70's!!  If I live to be 73, and I want bacon and my sodium level is high and I have fluid on my ankles, I am still going to eat bacon!!!  Then I am going to call my son and ask him why my feet are swelling!!

We have to find humor in our aging parents!!  We have to be there for our friends when a parent passes away.  Nothing meant more to me than looking over and seeing 2 rows of beautiful ladies at my stepmother's funeral.  (She was my Mom for 24 years. My Mom died in a car accident when I was 9-years old so Katherine was my mom for much longer than my real Mom.  Of course, I will always love my real Mom and Katherine because she treated me as her own.  She saw me graduate, get married and have my son. She wiped my tears when my heart got broken.  She gave me advice about life and she was always right!!!  Of course, I didn't think she was as smart as she really was until I was about 25-years old and then I realized that she wasn't stupid!!  She was right!!)  We have to be there for our family.  We drive kids hither and yon.  We help with impossible school projects.  We cheer for them at sporting events in the freezing cold and the scorching heat.  We have to keep the house and clothes clean, no matter how many times we restart the dryer.  We have to take care of our spouses.  We have to be there for our siblings. We have to be there for friends, family and loved ones.  We have to do things to better our community.  We have to make sure our children know that not everyone lives like they do.  There are people who have it way better and way worse.  That's Life!

This time of life is definitely the hardest. Being there for everyone is tough and sometimes a juggling act.  If you find time for a little exercise and a nap occasionally, don't be hard on yourself.  Take some time for you!!  I need a manicure and pedicure really bad so I am a little bit glad that it is winter because my toenails look horrid!!  My eyebrows look like a caveman and my wrinkles have not been Botoxed in quite some time!!  Sorry, I look like this but I've been taking care of  "My People"!!

Lesson #15,141-Moms Telling Stories About Blond Moments

Okay, so a bunch of moms got together the other night. (If you live in the South, you know that "the other night" could be last night, 2 nights ago or 6 months ago.)  We were sitting around telling funny stories about things that we had done.  Some of us have some great stories.  Most of them involved doctor's offices. Like the time I asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted his Tetanus shot in.  Well, duh!!  I think I have told the story before but he shook his stump at me and said "Well, what the Hell do you think?".  Cringe worthy moment!!!! I think my blond hair dye soaked clear to the root!!!

My other friend was telling a story about going to the OB/GYN for her yearly physical.  She had finished with her pap smear and breast exam and told the doctor that her boobs were really sore after she ran on the treadmill.  She was concerned that something was wrong with her breasts!  He told her that his wife had the same problem and told her that maybe she just needed better support.  She said that she told him that she had just bought a new pair of running shoes and that couldn't be the problem!! (LOL)  She said he just looked at her and walked out the door.  When he walked out the door she realized that he wasn't talking about support of her arches.  When she walked out of the door of the exam room, her doctor was standing at the end of the hall talking to another doctor and they both just roared with laughter.  She knew immediately that they were laughing at her blond moment! 

Another one of the ladies there that night is an RN and she was telling us about working in a doctor's office and they were doing a proctoscope (it goes in the anus) on an elderly lady and the doctor couldn't get it in.  He turned to her and asked if she would try.  She said, "Sure. I will give it a try".  She said that a minute later she told him that she had gotten it in.  He thought it was great that his nurse had gotten it in and turned around to do the scope.  Well, the doctor went to look around the rectum and he said (loudly) "You've got it in the wrong hole".  They both had to leave the room!  She wondered why the elderly lady had squealed a little when she inserted the scope!

Obviously, we are not rocket scientists!!  Thank God for good friends and good belly laughs!!

Lesson #15,131-Friends Are Like Shoes

Okay, so we all have shoes.  Some shoes we love more than others.  Some shoes we save for special occasions.  Some shoes we wear every day.  Some shoes are always in the floor for you to trip over.  Same thing with friends!! Right?  Let me explain.

Some shoes are like high heels.  They look really pretty.  They tempt you and tell you that you "NEED" them.  Then when you wear them, they make you uncomfortable.  They hurt you.  They leave scars!!

Then there are your favorite pair of tennis shoes.  They are a little more comfortable.  You can't wear them everywhere because they don't go with everything.  They really are good shoes but they just can't be there with you all the time.

And then we come to the best shoes EVER!!  Yep, flip flops.  Your favorite pair.  You wear them all of the time.  They are comfortable and they are there for you all of the time.  You can wear them anytime with anything.  Flip flops can be worn with a dress, jeans, shorts and even pajamas!!  They are better than your dirty old bedroom shoes!!  Flip flops don't care what you wear.  Flip flops just go with the flow.  They make you more relaxed.  You don't have a care in the world with your flip flops especially on the beach!! 

So, you see what I mean?  Some shoes look great and make you feel bad.  Those are your "Not-so-good" Friends.  Some shoes are pretty darn good shoes but you don't need them all of the time and they certainly don't need to be worn all of the time.  Those are your "Good" Friends.  Then there are the good ole flip flops that are good and worn in and fun and carefree and comfortable.  Those are your "Best" Friends.

Go and be a flip flop to someone today!!

Lesson #15,097-ABC's of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Yes, this week we are relearning our ABC's.  Being a Stay-at-Home Mom has it's challenges, as does being a Working Mom!  Whew! I don't know how y'all do it when you work and do everything that we do.  Hopefully, you have help.  You must be much better at time management!!

A is for Appliances-Dishwasher, Washing Machine, Dryer, Refrigerator, Stove, Oven and Crock Pot!!
B is for Balance-Balancing being a Mom, wife, friend, daughter and sister is tough.
C is for Carpool-Driving carpool takes up an hour of my day!!
D is for Dishes-The never ending, bottomless pit that is my kitchen sink!!
E is for Exercise-This is what I get every morning by running up and down the stairs making sure that the backpack is ready, gym clothes are packed, making coffee for the hubby, bringing juice to the kid to get him out of bed and making sure to say goodbye to everyone in the morning.
F is for Folding-Folding all of the blankets and putting them back on the sofas every morning!! (We all like our blankets in the evenings!!)  Folding laundry is my least favorite chore!
G is for "GET UP"!!-Which is what I scream at the teenager every morning!!
H is for "Hold on"-Which is what I have to say to friends when I am on the phone because someone can't find something!!
I is for Inside Out-Which is every piece of clothing that my husband and child wears so I have to turn them the right way on laundry day!! It drives me Insane!!
J is for Juice Box-How one child can drink so many juice boxes is a mystery to me!! They are found everywhere!!
K is for Kitties-All of the kitties need love several times a day.  They can be exhausting!!
L is for Litter Box-All of the aforementioned kitties use it several times a day so I have to clean the darn thing over and over!!
M is for "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom"-I hear it 1,000 times a day!
N is for Nothing-Which is what I feel like I have accomplished every day. (Especially if I take a Nap! Also begins with an N.)
O is for Overtired-Which is what I feel like every day!
P is for Pitiful-Which is what I look like every day! I have all of this time to take a shower, put on clothes, put on makeup and fix my hair and I feel like I never do it!!
Q is for "Quick!!"-Which is what is yelled at me when a spill happens.  "Mom, bring me a towel QUICK!!"
R is for "Really?"-Which is what I say just after I have cleaned up a room and 5 minutes later there are crumbs everywhere!!
S is for Saturday-The day that I look forward to all week.  My one day to sleep in and my husband is a morning person so he gets up EARLY and wants to go and do stuff!!  "Go back to bed, man!!"
T is for Thursday-Why? Because once a month on Thursday night our girlfriend group gets together and has Girls Night Out. Now, it is no longer Girls Gone Wild, but we do get together and talk and laugh and have some fun without any children around!!
U is for Unkempt-Which is my appearance most days!  If you see me with makeup on, consider yourself lucky!
V is for Violin-Which is what you working moms are playing for me right now! Right??
W is for WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING-Nope. I wouldn't change my crazy life for anything!!
X is for X-Rated-Which is my vocabulary when a monkey wrench gets thrown into my day!!
Y is for Yearning-Yearning for a vacation!!
Z is for Zees-Which is what I want to catch right now!! Sleep deprived Mama is tired!!

Lesson #15,096-ABC's of Friendship

Okay, so we all have friends who are awesome and some who don't have as much awesomeness as the others.  Don't email me to see which friend you are!!

A is for Annoying-That friend who is annoying. Only talks about herself, her life, her children, her whatever.
B is for Bitch-That friend who takes offense to EVERYTHING!! You are constantly apologizing for something.
C is for Critic-That friend who complains about everything, everyday, every time you talk to them!
D is for Ding-a-ling-The airhead. Never gets a joke. A joke isn't funny if you have to explain it.
E is for Eccentric-Otherwise known as the weird one.
F is for Fool-That friend who gets "done dirty" by everyone!  Girlfriend, Wake Up!!
G is for the Gossip-That friend who gossips about everyone (UGH) but she better tell me what she knows!!!
H is for Ho-That friend who has slept with 100 men and doesn't care who knows it!! (But you've gotta love her!)
I is for Innocent-That friend who has never drank, smoked, done anything wrong and married her high school sweetheart.
J is for the Jewel-That one friend who you cannot live without!! You tell everything and you trust 100%.
K is for Butt Kisser-That one friend who kisses your butt so she can hang out with you!! I know that I do not look great when you see me at Target without makeup and in my gym clothes!! Shut Up!!
L is for Lush-That one friend who is always drunk!! You have to love her too!!
M is for Martha Stewart Type-That friend who you would like to be like, but you would rather take a nap instead of bake a damn cake on a Wednesday.
N is for Narcotic-Some friends are on too many and some friends need to be on at least one!!
O is for Optimist-That friend who sees the best in people even when they are total jerks!
P is for Pessimist-That friend who thinks everyone is out to get them!
Q is for Quack-This is the one who thinks she's a doctor and diagnoses you with some horrible disease every time you have a sniffle!
R is for Ruin-That friend who ruins your story every time because she has been there and done that bigger and better than anyone ever has!!
S is for Silly-That friend who is silly as crap.  Will say anything at any time and doesn't care who is around.
T is for Tattle Tale-That friend who can't keep her mouth shut and tells everything that you say!!
U is for Ultra motivated-This is the friend who gets up and runs 10 miles, goes to the gym and does a class for 2 hours, goes and plays a game of tennis or golf and then has one leaf of lettuce for lunch. She's probably skinny too. (Bitch)
V is for Vulgar-This is the friend who says way too many curse words. (Umm. That may be me!)
W is for Well-educated-This is that friend who has every graduate degree that is possible to get and her jokes go way over your head and you sit there and laugh anyway. Yep. You've got one too!!
X is for Xerox-You know?? The Xerox copy of someone else. People, be yourself. Not someone else!
Y is for Yawner-This friend is so boring that you have to take a nap before seeing her so you don't snore while she is talking. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Z is for Zero.  This chick is the one who always wants to have lunch with you or go shopping with you and you just have ZERO time to see her.  EVER!!  (And will never have time to see her!! If you are lucky!)

Lucky for me, I am blessed with Jewels!!!

Lesson #15,093-Is The Kitty Trying To Kill Me?

Okay, so there is this book that is for sale and I haven't read it yet but I think maybe I should.  The book is titled "How To Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You".  I am positive that my cat(s) are trying to kill me.  If these cats were humans, I would have kicked them out a long time ago.  Any human that stalks me, even when I am on the potty doing #2, would be OUT!!  Any human that follows me 24/7 would be OUT!!  Any human who walked across 3,000 square foot of hardwood floors to throw up on my tapestry rug would be OUT!!  Any human who headbutted me for attention would be OUT!!  Any human who pissed in a box would be OUT!!  Why do we put up with this crap from our cats?

We have 3 cats.  There is Blackie who is, of course, black.  Blackie is one of about 3 black cats that we have had.  All named Blackie because we are just that lame.  Blackie was rescued from a construction site.  This cat looked like a skeleton and my husband asked the cat if she wanted to come home with us and that cat jumped into his Benz and now lives the good life.  She is no longer a skeleton.  She is fat and happy.  She's a pretty good cat but she cannot meow.  She tries but she sounds more like a kitty with laryngitis.  Bless her heart.  You don't think she wants to kill me, do ya?

Then there is Abby.  She was rescued from a firehouse.  Someone dropped her at a fire station.  Then one of the firemen asked my friend if she could get rid of this little kitty at her yard sale.  Of course, she didn't and she felt terrible and took the kitty home.  But, alas, her daughter is severely allergic to cats so she asked if we would take her in.  Well, my son is sweet on her daughter and he immediately said, "Yes. Mrs. Thompson.  We can take the kitty."  So there.  Abby is a tabby.  She is probably our 3rd or 4th tabby named Abby.  Again, we are just that lame. She has turned into my baby.  She follows me wherever I go.  If I go upstairs, she goes upstairs.  If I lay down, she lays down right beside me and has to be touching me!! She "helps" me make beds every day.  And by "help" I mean, she jumps on the bed and lays in the middle of the bed and looks at me like "You will not straighten this comforter!!" and I just allow this behavior.  She is also my stalker. If I go outside, she stands by the door and WAITS.  And by "waits" I really mean STALKS!  I guess she loves me because when I go upstairs, she is under my feet and frequently trips me!  You don't think she's trying to kill me, do ya? 

And now we come to Crazy Kitty.  Crazy Kitty was not always named Crazy Kitty.  His name was Andy.  We adopted him and another girl tabby kitty from the local animal shelter.  (Her name was Annie and she ran away.  Actually, she is still around.  She probably found a better home without children.)  Anyway, Crazy Kitty is the one who ALWAYS throws up on my tapestry rug.  It just confounds me why he MUST go to this rug only!!  Why not a nice fluffy bathmat which can be thrown into the washing machine easily?  Why not the nice wood floor?  Why not the tile floor?  Why not the kitchen rug?  Why not the nice new rug by the front door?  NOOOOOO.  He goes to the one nice rug that I have in my house!!!  The one that I have to have professionally cleaned.  This cat is truly crazy.  He has always been a literal frady cat.  He is afraid of his own shadow. He has been crazy since the day we got him.  He lived several days behind the couch when he first got here. He would be a gorgeous cat if he didn't scratch his hair out because he is so crazy.  Giving this cat his flea medicine is playing with fire!!  This cat will scratch your face off with his back claws!  If you come to visit me, Crazy Kitty will hide and you will never see him. You don't think he's trying to kill me, do ya?

Well.  The cat in this picture does look like Crazy Kitty.  Hmmmm.

Lesson #15,085-What's Up With RUDE People?

Why are people so rude nowadays?  Really?  At the grocery store, the teenager bagging my groceries is talking to the cashier about how he can't wait to get out of here.  RUDE!!  Well, why not just clock out now and get out?  Oh, you need the money?  Then why don't you just bag my groceries and shut up? 
(If you don't know who this is, go to YouTube and look up Bon Qui Qui.)

It doesn't get any better when you go into a high end boutique. These sales clerks act like you are bothering them if you ask them a question or want to try on a piece of clothing or shoes.  I mean, if I am going to possibly buy something and you get paid on commission then you should be very happy to help me.  You should even make suggestions as to what would look good on me, even if you are full of crap! You are working in retail.  You have no reason to be RUDE!!  I have walked out of a boutique when the clerk proceeded to tell me how to look through the clothing on the rack.  I mean, if I cannot file through the stuff that I don't want, to look at the stuff that I might want, then it is probably too delicate to go into my disaster of a closet!!  She actually stood there watching me filing through the clothing on the rack and told me 3 different times how I was doing it wrong!!  I am a professional shopper!! I know how to look at the damn clothes!!  Hello!!  I may have told her what she could do with her clothes on the way out the store and we had a teen girl with us.  I felt bad but that lady was so RUDE, I wouldn't have bought a bottled water from her if it were 130 degrees outside and I was dying of thirst!!

I really hate walking in a store like CVS and putting my 2 items on the counter and the clerk just keeps doing what he or she is doing like I am not standing there.  Why are you ignoring me when I know that you see me standing here?  Sometimes they will even turn and say, "I will be right with you" and they keep putting boxes on the shelf.  Umm. That can wait.  I'm in a hurry!  I've got to get to carpool!  I've got to get home!  I've got to pee!  Anything!!!  Just come over here and do your job!!  RUDE!!

You know that you have had rude sales people before.  We all have.  I just wonder if rudeness is getting worse.  Maybe it is because of technology.  So many people are growing up without people skills because of email and texting.  You no longer have to speak to people face to face.  Social Media may also have something to do with it.  So many people put everything out there for everyone to see.  If you are arguing with your cousin, mother-in-law or even your spouse, you don't need to tell everyone that you are "Friends" with on Facebook or Twitter.  When you have 800 "Friends" on Social Media, it probably isn't a good idea to "Share" everything that is going on with your life.  Buy a journal and write about it all day long.  You can burn the journal but you cannot ever take away what you write on the Internet and it is rude to share that stuff online.  Your opinion is the only one that gets shared.  RUDE!!

It is rude to go to lunch with someone and talk on your phone the entire time or text.  If you are talking to someone and your phone rings, look to see if it is someone who you can call back.  If so, call them back later or even ask if you can call them back and hang up as soon as possible.  We may see our kids texting at the dinner table and we have to stop them from doing it so we shouldn't do it either. Also, when standing in line at Starbucks, please don't talk on your phone LOUDLY.  Nobody cares what you did this past weekend.  Unless you are a doctor and you are shouting orders to someone to help save a life, it is not necessary to speak on your mobile phone loudly!!  Let's all agree to stop taking these people being rude to us and we all need to be able to speak up.  There is never a time when being rude is acceptable except for a time when you are being rude to.  No more rudeness!! It's RUDE!!!

Lesson #15,081-Happy New Year, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda

So it's a new year!  2013!!  What are you so happy about?  Is it that you are glad that 2012 is over and you feel like turning over a new leaf?  This year we are gonna lose weight and smile more and travel more and whatever your resolution is.  But what are we so happy about?  I mean, why do we go out and have a party and celebrate?  Your car just depreciated a few thousand dollars.  You're getting another year older this year.  Your taxes are coming due.  So what are we so happy about?  Maybe it's because we are optimistic that this year is gonna be better than the last.  I sure hope so.  I hope that all of your dreams come true this year.  Whatever goal that you set for yourself or your family, I hope that you achieve it!  I wish for all of my readers health and happiness for the coming year. 

What can we do to stick to our resolutions this year?  What can we do to keep going to the gym in February when it is cold outside?  What can we do to make sure that we don't overextend ourselves financially this year?  What can we do differently from last year to make sure that we spend more time with our families and commit to our spouses and children to spend quality time together?  What can we do to make sure that we do for others this year?  Do we have a friend call us and make us go to the gym even when we don't want to?  Maybe.  Do we cut up our credit cards and only use them in emergencies?  Maybe.  Do we dare tell our children to remind us of our resolution to do more with them?  Maybe.  They will probably remind us of this when we just want to take a nap so maybe we just set a day every week to make sure that everyone is free on, say, Thursday night to sit down and have a meal together uninterrupted.  No cell phones.  No laptops.  No TV.  Nothing during dinnertime just once per week!!  Do we go ahead and call a charity and say put me down to help at least one day per month all year long?  We all get caught up in the daily grind.  We all get caught up in whatever is going on in our lives.  But this is a new year!!  So let's all rededicate ourselves to our families, our friends, our church, our organization, our health and finances or whatever you want to change this year!!  We can do this!!!!

Happy New Year, Everyone!!

Lesson #15,077-50 Shades of Cray Cray!!

The holidays are crazy.  Between the shopping, spending, cooking, visiting, being visited, cleaning. decorating, entertaining and gritting your teeth, the holidays can drive YOU crazy.  You have no excuse not to go and see the people that you only see once a year and you know that you cannot get out of it so you suck it up and cook tons of food and go to Grandma's house and you have to see your crazy Aunt Beverly.  She has always pointed out your flaws at every opportunity.  This is why we only see Aunt Beverly once a year!!  When I was a young teen, I wasn't tall enough. (I never grew so she accepted it.)  When I was a little older, I didn't have any boobs. (Well, they grew when I was like 21-years old.)  Then I wasn't married at 25 so we had to remedy that the next year.  Then for 3 years we didn't have any children so I had to fix that.  I did all of these things in my life just so Aunt Beverly would shut the hell up!  Now I am 42-years old and have a muffin top and you know that old bat had to point out that I had gained some weight.  Again, this is why we see her only once a year.  I suppose she saves up all of her crap, all year long so she can send us all into therapy for the next year.  Oh well, I can wait another year to see Aunt Beverly!! Doesn't everyone have that one person in their family that they can do without seeing?  Crazy Aunts abound!!

If your extended family doesn't drive you crazy, one of your friends' friend might!  I mean, how many parties were we invited to this year?  I know that we are awesome!!  Totally!!  Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday in December there is a party to attend.  Then a couple of parties during the week.  Y'all are about to wear me out!!  I cannot be having a hangover 5 days a week!!  And yes I do have to drink to be at these parties because there is one person at each party that you go to that will be the dreaded "Aunt Beverly" some day!! Ya know the type?  Here goes the conversation:  "So what do you do for a living?" "Well, I am a stay-at-home mom so that keeps me very busy." "Oh.................How cute."  "Cute? What is that supposed to mean?  Only my Aunt Beverly is allowed to say that crap to me."!!!  Yes, you know that there is one of these at every party.  You can try to avoid it like the plague but eventually that person will have annoyed everyone else and you will be the last victim of the night!!

Shopping may make you crazy if the parties and the family haven't driven you there already!  Large crowds, grumpy shoppers, rude sales clerks, no parking spaces, long lines at the registers, limited merchandise, uncomfortable shoes, you know what I mean, right?  And forget gift wrapping anymore.  You're lucky if you can even get a box for your shirt!! Half the time they don't even have one of those left!!  The rude clerk just says, "Sorry, we are out of boxes" in that rude voice.  (Like that is going to make it better!! Now I have to go to Target and get some shirt boxes!!  And then I get to go home and wrap the gifts myself!!)  When you are the "stay-at-home mom" you end up doing all of the shopping except for yourself and sometimes you end up doing some of that too!! Not only do you have to buy everyone's gifts, you have to buy the groceries too!!  Oh and don't let one bag of cookie mix go unbaked because the men in your house will drive you crazy until you have fixed all 140 dozen cookies!!

Anyway, after all of the craziness of the holidays, it is nice to just take a nerve pill, have a glass of wine, take an Ambien and go to bed!!  Just breathe.  Take a deep breath, swallow your pills and forget about your crazy family, crazy people at parties and crazy sales clerks.  If you don't, it will make you 50 shades of crazy!!  So, everyone have a wonderful New Years party and forgive Aunt Beverly and the soon-to-be Aunt Beverlys in your life!!