Lesson #15,140-Types of Parents

Okay, so there are 101 types of parents out there but I'm gonna tell you about my favorites.

Helicopter Parents:  Helicopter parents are those who hover over their children.  They want to know everything that is going on in their children's lives.  They want to be a part of everything in their children's lives.  They want to fight their children's battles.  They want their child to be number one at everything.  These parents are really not doing their child any favors.  If we are a part of everything that our children do then they never learn how to cope with situations without our help.  Life doesn't work that way!!  Do I want to go and smack some kid that is mean to my child?  Sure, but I have to let my child learn to take care of himself.

Absentee Parents:  These are parents who think they are doing their children a favor by not being there for them when they do need them.  Sure, they may turn out to be independent adults but they need us for guidance and love while they are children.  Our children do need to be children and need to be able to have open dialogue with us when it comes to some subjects.  If you aren't talking to your child about sex, someone else is.  If you aren't giving your child love and affection, someone else will.  It may be from someone who doesn't care one bit about them either!!  The backseat of some guy's car isn't the place for love to be given.

"My Child is Perfect" Parents:  These are the parents who can "one up" your child's A+, your child's hole in one, your child's 3 point shot, your child's awesome soccer goal, your child's national championship wrestling medal, your child's triple back tuck!!  We all know them.  These parent's have the most perfect children that ever lived.  They make the best grades.  They are the best in sports. They are the most well behaved children.  They are the best looking or most beautiful children that were ever born.  I mean, we all think our child is the best looking and most beautiful children that we have ever seen but that's because they are ours!!  We just don't say it out loud!!!  These parents do!! UGH!! These are the most annoying parents EVER!!

"My Kid is The Worst" Parents:  These are the parents who never have anything positive to say about their children even when they are awesome kids!  Most kids have at least one redeeming quality but to these parents, it's never enough.  "So what if you scored 25 points in the basketball game?  You should have scored 30."  I think these are the most damaging parents.  I know what they are trying to do and that is living vicariously through their children but never telling your child that you are proud of them is damaging.

Angry Parents:  These parents are the ones who stir up more drama than a middle school girl could ever start!  Nothing is ever right with their children's teachers, their friends, their school, their dance instructor, their soccer coach and on and on and on.  These parents just need some Xanax!!  I can't even talk to these people!

Cool Parents:  These are the parents who want to be their children's best friend.  They let their kids talk any ole way to them.  They let their kids do anything they want to do.  The kids tell the parents what they are going to do instead of the other way around.  That is the tail wagging the dog!! I tell my son, all the time, that he has plenty of friends but only 2 parents.  I don't want to be his friend.  I want to be his mom!! That is a hard enough job!  He isn't going to tell me what to do, where we will go and how we should do things.  I drive this bus, Bubby, not you!  Don't get me wrong, I will talk to my son about anything that he wants to talk about but I am going to give him advice from a parent's perspective, not his friends.  No, he will not be allowed to drink in my home.  No, I won't be buying him cigarettes.  No, he will not be having girls up in his room.  When he goes away to college, I can't watch what he does but while he is in my home he will respect my rules.

Over-Protective Parent:  These are the parents that never let their child out of their sight except for school.  They won't let their children go to other people's houses EVER!  They won't let their child ride their bike down the street.  They won't let their children do anything.  This, to me, tells their child that they don't trust them at all and never will.  Kids have to have boundaries, I understand that, but we have to give them a little breathing room and a little privacy.

Okay, so what's a happy medium?  Every child is different.  We all have different parenting styles and philosophies.  I think we just need to give our children love, affection, attention, teach them right from wrong and be good examples for them as adults.  We weren't perfect when we were children so why expect our children to be? (Except for y'all "My Child is Perfect Parents". Y'all already have perfect kids!)  They will make mistakes and bad grades and fail to make a team and not score 30 points but we have to love them and guide them to do their best.  My son studied for a test, not too long ago, and failed the test.  He was afraid to tell me what grade he got.  When he finally told me, I asked if that was the test that he had studied for and he said it was so I told him that if that was the best he could do then that was the best he could do.  I told him that he needed to work harder for the next test and pull up his grade.  He got the highest grade in the class on the next test because he had to work harder and pull up his grade.  I am, by far, not perfect so why expect him to be?  Parenting is a hard job.  Do your best to raise good adults!

Lesson #15,134-Boys or Girls? Which Is Easier?

Okay, so everyone has an opinion about which is the easier sex to raise.  Some say boys and some say girls.  The arguments that I hear don't always apply to every child so don't write me saying that I am wrong!!  Here is the argument for the girls.  Girls are calmer.  Girls are sweetly natured.  Girls are loving.  Girls are easier and more fun to dress. Girls are not mischievous.  Girls don't tear up their toys.  Girls are not rough on clothes.  Girls don't have to be tough.  Here's the argument against the girls.  Girls are sneaky. Girls can be so mean to each other.  Girls gossip.  Girls can get bad reputations with one mistake.  Girls hold grudges.  Girls are moody.  Girls are complex.  Girls have to have their hair done. Girls start drama.

Then there is the argument for the boys.  Boys love their moms.  Boys are loving.  Boys are what they are.  Boys don't get caught up in drama. Boys can have an argument with their buddy, punch each other in the eye and 5 minutes later they are playing basketball.  Boys are simple humans.  Boys don't have to have their hair done. Here is the argument against the boys.  Boys are rough and tumble.  Boys are moody when they are going through puberty.  Boys make messes.  Boys are more active than girls. Boys are rough on their clothes and shoes.  Boys have tempers. Boys are much less fun to dress.

Okay, so I only have a boy but I am a girl and I know people who have girls.  I love these little girls but I swear my son is easy!!  He is loving and sweet.  He doesn't tear up things.  He never wrote on the walls or acted like a bull in a china shop.  He has a pretty darn great attitude about life.  He has empathy for other people.  Maybe he is the exception to the rule.  I don't know??  One thing that I do know for sure is that I only have to worry about ONE PENIS.  If I had a girl, I would have to worry about ALL OF THEM!!!  That alone makes me thank God above that I have a boy!!  I love girls, don't get me wrong.  I am one, for Pete's sake!! When I was pregnant, I wanted a boy.  I cried tears of joy when they did my ultrasound and said that I was having a boy.  Most women probably want a girl. Not me.  That whole having to worry about more than one penis did me in!!

Lesson #15,109-Having an Only Child Has It's Perks

Okay, so I went to dinner with my dear friend, who reads this blog (Uh oh), and she has 5 children.  3 teenagers, a 1st grader and a 4-year old.  I was looking around the entire time trying to figure out how in the heck she does this!!  The little ones were jumping around, up and down, busy, busy, busy.  She and her husband were cool as cucumbers.  I thought to myself "Dear God, You knew better than to give me 5 kids!!"  There is just activity all around and they just chilled out and let it all go crazy.  There is not enough Xanax at Walgreens for me to do all of that.  Somebody needed their water refilled, she just refilled it with someone else's water glass.  Someone needed their meat cut and she cut their meat and refilled the other water glass at the same time!!  Seriously, she was like an octopus waitress superhero mom or something!! 

All of these kids are super smart.  During dinner Dad was going over spelling words and making a game of it with the youngest son while going over vocabulary with the middle son.  I can barely help one child get homework done.  Can you imagine having 5 children in school?  This fall they all will be in school.  I would need a nanny, a tutor and a maid!!  There would be no naps, EVER!!  Oh and did I mention that both parents are PA's??  That is a Physician Assistant, in case you didn't know what that was.  They both work full time!!

The perks of having only one child are as follows:
1.  Only having one child!!!  That's it!!

Well, maybe not.  There's the laundry perk.  I only have to do laundry once or twice a week.  The homework thing.  I can help with everything but math and Spanish.  Then there is the time thing.  I've got free time to spend with him or take a nap.  Whichever I choose!!  Dishes.  We only have 3 for dinner.  College tuition.  Only have to save for one.  Only have to cut one person's meat!!  One car.  One North Face jacket! Actually the list goes on and on!!


I'm sure that there are perks to having a large family too.  Like, having help with the laundry, babysitting and the older ones can help the younger ones with homework.  The kids are more independent.  It's never boring.  There's always something going on!!  You can wear pajamas in public and people understand why!!

Hats off to ya, Julia!!

Lesson #15,097-ABC's of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Yes, this week we are relearning our ABC's.  Being a Stay-at-Home Mom has it's challenges, as does being a Working Mom!  Whew! I don't know how y'all do it when you work and do everything that we do.  Hopefully, you have help.  You must be much better at time management!!

A is for Appliances-Dishwasher, Washing Machine, Dryer, Refrigerator, Stove, Oven and Crock Pot!!
B is for Balance-Balancing being a Mom, wife, friend, daughter and sister is tough.
C is for Carpool-Driving carpool takes up an hour of my day!!
D is for Dishes-The never ending, bottomless pit that is my kitchen sink!!
E is for Exercise-This is what I get every morning by running up and down the stairs making sure that the backpack is ready, gym clothes are packed, making coffee for the hubby, bringing juice to the kid to get him out of bed and making sure to say goodbye to everyone in the morning.
F is for Folding-Folding all of the blankets and putting them back on the sofas every morning!! (We all like our blankets in the evenings!!)  Folding laundry is my least favorite chore!
G is for "GET UP"!!-Which is what I scream at the teenager every morning!!
H is for "Hold on"-Which is what I have to say to friends when I am on the phone because someone can't find something!!
I is for Inside Out-Which is every piece of clothing that my husband and child wears so I have to turn them the right way on laundry day!! It drives me Insane!!
J is for Juice Box-How one child can drink so many juice boxes is a mystery to me!! They are found everywhere!!
K is for Kitties-All of the kitties need love several times a day.  They can be exhausting!!
L is for Litter Box-All of the aforementioned kitties use it several times a day so I have to clean the darn thing over and over!!
M is for "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom"-I hear it 1,000 times a day!
N is for Nothing-Which is what I feel like I have accomplished every day. (Especially if I take a Nap! Also begins with an N.)
O is for Overtired-Which is what I feel like every day!
P is for Pitiful-Which is what I look like every day! I have all of this time to take a shower, put on clothes, put on makeup and fix my hair and I feel like I never do it!!
Q is for "Quick!!"-Which is what is yelled at me when a spill happens.  "Mom, bring me a towel QUICK!!"
R is for "Really?"-Which is what I say just after I have cleaned up a room and 5 minutes later there are crumbs everywhere!!
S is for Saturday-The day that I look forward to all week.  My one day to sleep in and my husband is a morning person so he gets up EARLY and wants to go and do stuff!!  "Go back to bed, man!!"
T is for Thursday-Why? Because once a month on Thursday night our girlfriend group gets together and has Girls Night Out. Now, it is no longer Girls Gone Wild, but we do get together and talk and laugh and have some fun without any children around!!
U is for Unkempt-Which is my appearance most days!  If you see me with makeup on, consider yourself lucky!
V is for Violin-Which is what you working moms are playing for me right now! Right??
W is for WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING-Nope. I wouldn't change my crazy life for anything!!
X is for X-Rated-Which is my vocabulary when a monkey wrench gets thrown into my day!!
Y is for Yearning-Yearning for a vacation!!
Z is for Zees-Which is what I want to catch right now!! Sleep deprived Mama is tired!!

Lesson #15,075-Children Are Thieves

Okay, so our children are thieves.  Anyone who is a parent know that they steal from you.  The first thing they steal from you when they are tiny babies is sleep.  Mama and Daddy are laying in their beds, sleeping soundly.  We have made sure to feed the baby and get him to sleep.  We turned off all of the lights and locked all of the doors.  We have put the cat out for the night and set the alarm clock for the morning.  So, why are you waking us up in the middle of the night?  Anything that small cannot be hungry every 2 hours.  They are thieves stealing our sleep!! I can forgive this one because I tried explaining to him, at one week old, that it was inappropriate for him to keep me up all night but apparently one week old babies don't comprehend what we are saying. 

Then they get a little older and you cannot have a cup of anything to yourself.  If you have a cup, a juice box, a mug or stein of anything to drink, they are going to have some.  Hide your shot glasses because they will think it is just a small drink, all for them!!  Honestly, my son is 13 and I cannot have a can of soda to myself without him putting his big ole lips all over it.  I swear, you just have to take 6 steps to the kitchen and get your own can of soda. We don't live in a 20,000 square ft. house!!  There is even a small refrigerator upstairs with your drinks in them!!! Ummm. Hello!!

Then they get a little older and they steal your money.  Literally.  If you leave money on the counter, dresser, desk, or even in your pocketbook it will get taken!!  I know this because my child does not have a job. He isn't selling his stuff on eBay or our local online yard sale and the kid has more money in his pocket than I have in mine. I just did laundry and found about $3 in his pockets!!  He not only steals from me but also his father.  Then every Saturday he will bring his change that he has collected around the house all week to his dad and gets dollar bills for it.  This kid is running a scam on us!!

The worst offense is not money, drink or sleep but my stash of candy!!  Okay, so let me explain it to you.  You have free reign of all of the candy in the kitchen, the pantry, the living room bowl or your daddy's bowl.  You do not have an all access pass to anything in the bottom drawer of my nightstand, hidden under the newspaper.  Got it??  That is my stash of good chocolate and if you are younger than 42 and male then you are not to even look at my stash!!  Those are Mommy Chocolates!!

Honestly, children will steal anything.  You walk off from your sandwich, you better take it with you.  You want to see your iPhone ever again, better take it with you.  You want to finish that bag of chips, better take them with you.  Want to take a nap on the couch with your child?  You had definitely better get 2 blankets because they will steal the entire blanket for themselves.  If you want to keep your sanity, forget it.  It's gone as soon as that baby is born.

There are numerous other items that are stolen from us.  Ya know, like the TV remote.  They steal this and change the TV to SpongeBob and then hide the remote so you cannot change the TV or turn the volume down.  They know full well that I cannot find the buttons on the side of the TV to change the channel or volume so they do this on purpose!!  They also steal your seat every time you get up!!  My laptop is always MIA.  My son has the best laptop in the house because his is the newest and because he kept stealing ours but for some reason he still uses mine.  I am missing the "up" key and the "Caps Lock" sticks but he still likes mine better.  What the heck??  Little thief!!

I guess this is all okay.  As long as he keeps stealing kisses from his mom then he can steal everything in this house!!  And yes, even my chocolate that is stashed in the bottom drawer of my nightstand and hidden under the newspaper.  Rob me blind, dahling but keep the kisses coming!!  He also STOLE my heart when I first laid eyes on him!!

Lesson #15,069-Lies We Tell Our Children

You know you've done it. I have.  I will admit it.  Here's a few:
The Tooth Fairy
Santa Claus
The Easter Bunny
ELF ON A SHELF!!!! (Only Overachievers do this one!)
"I wish we could go to McDonald's for dinner but it is closed today."
"Yes, of course, I can tell what your picture is. I just want you to explain it to me."
"The dog went to live on a farm in Montana."
"If you cross your eyes, they will stick like that."
"Drinking soda will stunt your growth."
"Don't sit so close to the TV, you will ruin your eyesight."
"No, no!! Don't do that!!! You will go blind!!!"(I haven't had to say that one yet but I will be telling that one!)
"Stop screaming or I will put your ass out on the side of this highway!" (Oh heck no. I would never do that!)
"You can be anything that you want to be, darling." (Lies! You are a C+ student. You're not gonna be a rocket scientist.)
"I love this macaroni necklace. I will wear it every day!"
"Oh no! The macaroni necklace broke!!"
"No, honey, it cannot be fixed."
"Oh darn!"
"No, Love. Mommy and Daddy were not naked in the hot tub. It just looked that way from your bedroom window."
"Of course, we only did that once." (Or however many children you may have. 2-18, just in case Michelle Duggar reads this blog. Hi Michelle!!!)
"If you don't want to brush your teeth, you don't have to.  I will just let your teeth fall out." (Okay, I just spent $5,000 on braces so you WILL brush those teeth!!)
"Don't swallow your gum or your guts will stick together."
"Don't swallow your fingernails or they will grow out of your stomach."
"Don't swallow your watermelon seeds or they will grow a watermelon in your stomach."
Pretty much "Don't swallow anything..."
"Of course, I never smoked."
"Of course, I never drank alcohol."
"Of course, I never smoked pot."
"Of course, I never (insert your lie here)."
"The shot is not going to hurt."
"The finger prick is not going to hurt."
"Uncle Sam is into ballet, sings show tunes and wears eyeliner because he is eccentric." (Well. He's that too.)
"That was the dog that farted."
"Grandpa  WAS away at college for 20 years." (Leavenworth College. Okay, maybe Leavenworth Prison.)
These are just a few.  Little white lies.  Teeny Tiny lies.  Now go and take a nap or I will call Santa!!!!

Lesson #15,065-Stuff Moms Say

There are some things that only moms say.  If you have infants or toddlers, you say a lot of things that you wouldn't normally say.  They sound insane unless you are a mom and you have actually said these things before.  Some things a mom of an infant may say:  "Awe. Look at that cute little poop".  "Who puked on my new shoes? You did, you cute little lima bean".  "What are you doing you sweet little punkin? You need to go to sleep precious". "Whose little man is up again at 3am?"

Conversation changes a little when they are not newborn infants.  When they are just babies it starts like this:  "Holy Cow, that is a huge poop!!"  "That Stinks!!"  "Another outfit ruined by baby puke.  I think I will just wear black pajamas until this kid is 5!"  "Puh leeze GO TO SLEEP!!!"  "Why, oh why, are you up again at 3am? Shouldn't you be sleeping through the night by now!??!"  "Doctor, this baby is driving me insane.  Why isn't she sleeping through the night yet?"

Toddler conversation..."Take that out of your nose!!"  "Don't put that in your ear!"  "Stop biting the cat." "Where did you find that binky?"  "Is that dog fur between your teeth?"  "How did you get pancakes in your diaper?"  "Is that a pea in your belly button?"  "What happened to my other shoe?"  "Is that catfood in your mouth?"  "Dear God, please help me not to lose my mind today!"  "Are those teeth marks on the vacuum cleaner?" "Please don't go out the doggie door again, son!" "Don't eat the Crayon!!"  "Don't eat the Play-Doh!"  "Don't eat the remote control!!"

The conversation is ever evolving as the child ages but we still sound mental to those who haven't been blessed with children yet.  Who else do you ask if they have brushed their teeth?  Who else do you check on just to be sure they are breathing?  Who else would you die for?  Who else would you pull snot plugs out of their nose for?  Who else would you have to save the parakeet from?  Who else do you read the same book to every night for 4 years?  Who else do you sing "You Are My Sunshine" to every morning?  Who else have you kissed a billion times and it still isn't enough?  Who else would you change back to that projectile puking, stinky poopey diapered, helpless baby if given the chance?  I would clean green peas out of his belly button every day if I could make my son little again.  And I would do it in a heartbeat!!!  Wouldn't you??

Life Lesson #15,050-Your Children Only Get One Childhood

Okay, this one is for parents.  We all know how quickly time passes but to our children, their childhood passes slowly.  The longest 12 years of my life were when I was in school.  I remember how slowly time seemed to creep by.  Once I got married and started a family time sped up.  As soon as my son was born, life has seemed to pass at light speed.  I have to remember that for him time is passing slower than for me.  I have to remember that he only has one childhood.  Will he look back on his childhood and smile?  Will he say that I was always there for him?  Will he think that I spent enough time with him?  Will he feel loved?  Will he want to come home to visit or just come see us at Christmas, out of obligation?  When he gets married will he want to live nearby or want to move as far away as possible?  All of these questions are being determined right now and I have to remember this. If I don't want my son to move across the country when he grows up, I have to play Checkers with him now.  If I want to enjoy seeing my grandchildren in 25 years, I had better give him hugs and kisses today.

 

Life gets so busy and everyone knows that I love a nap but it is more important to make sure that my son knows that I have time for him than to take a nap sometimes.  I miss that snuggle time that we used to have when he was younger.  I could wrap my arms around him and he would snuggle up to me and go to sleep in 5 minutes.  Now he's too big and too busy and sometimes too stinky!!  I really miss those days!! Like I said, it goes too fast.  Speed of light fast!!  If you have ever read the book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch, you know the unconditional love that any good mother has for her children.  It's the kind of love that fills your entire heart.  It cannot be explained.  It can only be felt.  You feel it the moment you look into the face of your child for the first time. 

 

Okay so my point in all of this rambling is that our children get to be kids once and we only get one chance to be great parents.  Our words shape who they are and who they become.  Our time means more to our children than what we can give them materially.  We are responsible for their needs.  Their needs include not only clothing, food and shelter but also time! That is the one thing that costs us nothing but means so much. Spend time with your "babies" today!!  (Forever my baby you'll be.) 

Life Lesson #15,042-Let's Talk About Toys Part 1

Okay, so, let's talk about toys.  Once you get pregnant and start collecting all of the items that you will "need" before you can even bring your baby home, you will realize that a tiny baby takes up a lot of space.  You will have that baby an entire bedroom packed with a dresser and closet full of clothing, a crib full of stuffed animals and mobiles and lights & sounds toys, and a changing table with lots of shelves stocked with diapers, wipes, powder, lotion, diaper cream and other diapering items. So the nursery is now full.  Then you go to the family room and there is a baby swing, a baby bouncer and a baby rocker.  In the kitchen, there is a high chair and if you are really lucky, someone has already given you a booster seat for when the baby outgrows the high chair.  Once the baby comes, the kitchen counters, the refrigerator and cabinets become totally full of bottles, melamine bowls and plates and those rubber covered spoons. The fridge is full of formula or breast milk. The cabinets are full of baby food.  Then you realize...This kid is taking over our house!! This kid needs more room than my husband and I do.



Then your child gets a little older and the toys start to appear.  Big, chunky toys in primary colors.  Everything is larger than when I was a child because we figured out that every toy I had as a child was a choking hazard.  I am quite sure that I played with marbles at age 2 and I am pretty sure that there is now a warning label on marbles that says that you must be 12 or older to play with them.  Anyway, their toys no longer fit into a cute little basket so you have to purchase a Toy Box.  Of course, this Toy Box cannot go in their room because we all spend all of our time in the family room. So now we have even more items in the family room.  At first, we clean up all of the toys during the first and second naps of the day. Then the child goes from two naps down to one per day and the toys get cleaned up once during the day and then at bedtime.  Then as time goes on moms realize that there is no use in cleaning the toys off of the floor during nap time because it is a complete waste of time.  Then we begin only cleaning the toys up at bedtime.  After a while of doing this, it begins to seem like a complete waste of time because the toys will just get dragged right out first thing in the morning so we stop picking up all of the toys every night.  Then the toys get smaller.




Have you ever stepped on a Lego or Matchbox car in the dark, early morning hours?  If not, you have no idea what pain really is.  I don't care if you have given birth, had a kidney stone, a back spasm, a broken leg or a gunshot wound, you have not felt pain like the pain of standing on a Lego or a Matchbox car with bare feet!! YOWZA!!  Then I swear for the next 8 years the toys are extremely small and have infinite numbers of tiny pieces accompanying any and all toys.  I mean if you buy a Barbie or GI Joe, you will have itty bitty shoes, clothing and accessories. Even Army tanks have eeny, weeny guns and ammo and little canisters and I can't help but think, WHY???  Can I just tell you how happy I am that my son just turned 13 and I can now get rid of all of those itty bitty toy pieces that are in every jar, basket, drawer, bowl and vase that I own? I cannot wait to toss it all!!  Except for the Matchbox cars.  We will probably keep them all.  I bet we have well over 1,000 in Rubbermaid containers under his bed.  If there was a collectible Matchbox car made from 1999 to 2010, we probably have it in one of those containers.  It was probably worth all of the pain of stepping on that Matchbox car if it will be worth money one day!!  Well, I don't know about that.  If I could figure a way to sue Matchbox or Lego for my negligent behavior (not cleaning up the floor before dark) and stepping on their product, I WOULD!!

Come back tomorrow and let's talk more about toys...

Life Lesson #15,039-Psychology of Women

Life Lesson #15,039-Psychology of Women

My son just asked me what a woman means when she says, "This dress isn't me."?  I said that it means that she doesn't like the dress for her but it might look good on someone else.  He said that when he gets to college he is going to take a course on women and I told him it is a thirty year course and he would fail anyway. LOL!  Poor kid.  He's only 13-years old and he is already trying to figure out women.  Good luck with that, my son!!  Why are women so hard to figure out?  Why don't we just say what we mean like men do?  Why do we hold grudges from the 3rd grade?  Why do we care about how soft our skin is?  Why do we worry about age spots?  Why do we care about gray hair and wrinkles?  Why do we have more than 4 pairs of shoes?  Why do we have a section in our closet called our "fat clothes"?  Why do we wear make up and fuss with our hair?  Why do we touch up our lipstick every hour?  Why do we fret over an extra 10 pounds? Why do we shove ourselves into Spanx?  Why do we always have to smell good?  Why do we love pretty things?  Why do we always say, "Oh that's so cute!"?   I tell you why.  Because we are women!!!


Why do we cry about everything?  When we are happy.  When we are sad.  When we are watching Chick Flicks.  When we are watching Magic Mike.  ((Ahem. Sorry.))  Then for no reason at all, we cry!!  We love to know details about everything.  It may take us 5 minutes to tell a story that would take a man 10 seconds to tell because we don't leave out any details.  We all absolutely hate drama but we want to know if any drama is going on and we will give our opinion but we don't want to get involved in the drama.  We get mad if someone knows what is going on and they don't share it with us. We get our feelings hurt easily.  We are sensitive. Why??  Because we are women.



One thing is for sure about women.  We love with all of our heart. If we are moms we will rip your still beating heart straight out of your chest if you hurt our child.  When we love something we will fight for it to the death!   Whether it is a relationship or a child, our love knows no boundaries.  Some men like to call us stalkers but really it's just love.  If they would just love us back, darn it!!!!  I mean my goodness, we smell good and our hair is fixed.  What more could you possibly want from us?  Just because we send you roses, chocolates and 471 texts per day, does not make us stalkers.  Just because we wait for you outside of your apartment building at 5am to give you a warm cup of coffee to start off your day right, does not make us stalkers.  And yes, buying him that really nice gold watch that he always wanted may have been a little excessive but stalking...No way, Your Honor!!  We just like to show our love, Your Honor!! Why?  Because we are women!!





So we love cute things and flowers. Earrings and purses. We love bubble baths and pedicures.  We love a good book and perfume, chocolate and diamonds, sports cars and suntans, shoes and soft blankets, clean floors and afternoon soccer games.  We love our friends to the moon and back and have deeper relationships with a select few.  We love our men and our children so much that we would die for them.  Not to get all mushy because we also love wine and raunchy sex talk with our girlfriends on Girls Night Out!!  We love decorations and little blue boxes with white ribbons. So I just think I will tell my son not to worry about studying up on women.  For one, it is a total waste of time and for another thing, whatever we say today could change tomorrow.  Why?? Because we are women!!

Life Lesson #15,038-What's In A Name?

Life Lesson #15,038-What's In A Name?

"What's in a name?"  I do believe Shakespeare said that.  What I think it means these days is this. Don't name your child something is going to embarrass them.  Simple!!  These people in Hollywood kill me with the names that they are giving these poor children.  When I was a kid I hated my name and I wanted my name to be "Kelly", like my best friend's name was.  Well now I just want to thank my parents for not naming me "Apple"!! Of course, Apple is the most normal name that has come out of Hollywood in years!  How about Jason Lee's son?  His name is "Pilot Inspektor".  Google it!! I swear it's true!!  David Duchovny and Tea Leoni named their kid, "Kyd". No, I am not kidding. How about "Moxie Crimefighter"? Yes, Penn Jillette named his daughter that.  The very best, I saved for last because they are Motown Royalty.  Jermaine and Michael Jackson take the cake with the naming of their sons.  Jermaine's son is named, "Jermajesty" and Michael's son is named "Blanket".  If you didn't know this, you have lived in a box for the past few years.  Who names their child "Blanket" or "Pilot Inspektor"?  These people are seriously insane.  They have been drinking too much Kool Aid in Hollywood.


So what do we do in the burbs?  Could we get away with naming our children crazy names?  No, we could not.  We just try not to give our children names that won't get them beat up on the playground or names that rhyme with curse words.  My sister ruled out "Tucker" this way.  Seriously, people, please don't name your child something embarrassing like "Sweatsock Larry" or "Moonstruck Luna Milan Anastasia Fredrika Lowlight". I swear when I was pregnant my husband and I went through the book of baby names and we could agree on one name and that is what we named him.  It is an ordinary name and doesn't rhyme with anything inappropriate!! Yay, me!!



Now, Look at the list of the names of the Presidents of the United States.  Until you get to Barack Obama, every one of them have a very Presidential sound.  Of course, George Washington sounds presidential because our nations capital is named after him but even William Jefferson Clinton sounds very presidential!!  Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, William Henry Harrison...see...Presidential, right??  One day we will have a president named Moxie Crimefighter? I don't think so.  Great name for a detective though.  How about President Pilot Inspektor Lee?  Bahahaha!  No, but again a great name for a detective. Apparently, there will be a lot of Hollywood children in the crime fighting business.  

Okay, now that I am off of my soapbox about the crazy names, let's really try and come up with names that mean something to us.  All of the old names are coming back in style.  A lot of the Biblical names are still great to use.  Think of someone who was influential in your life and tryout their name.  What about a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle or in law?  You could even use a last name in the middle name slot!  I did this.  My mother-in-law's maiden name is my son's middle name. I love this!!  So the reason this is important is because this Name will be with this baby/child/teen/adult forever.  It will be on their birth announcement and their gravestone.  Their diploma and their drivers license.  What's in a name?  Hopefully, not a fruit or vegetable.  Profound, right?

Life Lesson #15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults

#15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults, Not Good Kids

I don't care what anyone says, being a parent is the hardest job ever!  You have one chance to get it right.  If you are the mother then you will be the one who gets blamed for any character flaws in your child.  If they are spoiled, it's your fault.  If they are "trouble" then it's your fault.  If they have any problem whatsoever, it is your fault.  For some reason, the Dads get off free and clear!! I don't get it.  Aren't Dads half of the parents?  Anyway, we are raising these children to be good adults and we have to remember that.  If we are just trying to raise good kids then most of us have succeeded but then when they become teens some of them get lost to the struggles of being a young adult.  Some kids who are raised with very tight restrictions become wild animals when they are finally allowed some freedom and some kids turn out fine.  Some kids who are given free reign turn into homeless drug addicts and some turn into very responsible adults. So what do we do?  How do we know what is the right way to raise our children?  I mean, some kids who are raised in church or even by pastors are awesome kids and others rebel.  Some of the most rotten kids I knew were the pastors' kids.  I remember one bringing beer to school and drinking it in middle school.  Some of the nicest people that I know now, have never even been to church. I think every child is different.  Every kid should be raised on a case by case basis.  See what works for your particular child and do that.  Some kids will need an occasional spanking, some can just be threatened with taking away a toy and they will never stray!  Before you start telling me how horrible spanking is, I am not for beating or prolonged spanking but a little swat on the rear end has done wonders for my son.  He hasn't had one in many years but I can threaten it and he straightens right up.  The last time he got one, he had been talking during church and being disruptive and he deserved it.  He got a swat on the rear end when he was three for lying to me and he has not lied to me again.  That was 10 years ago.  He may start lying to me tomorrow and never tell me the truth ever again but so far it worked.

 

So what is the correct form of parenting?  Whose book should we go by?  Dr. Sears?  John Rosemond?  Or should we just maybe take a little from each and use whatever advice works for us.  To spank or not to spank?  To use Time Out or not?  Take away toys/gadgets?  Ground them?  Maybe it all changes and continues to change as they grow up.  Maybe one thing works for you from birth until they are 18-years old.  Maybe nothing works at all.  Every child is different just like every adult is different. I've seen two children raised in the same house and raised by the same parents with the same parenting style and the kids are totally different.  I've even seen twins who are completely different. I know some of it has to do with birth order or only children or if a sibling dies but it still amazes me. 
 

I think that just spending time with our children daily and letting them know that they are loved is the best thing that we can do for them.  Now before anyone starts saying, "But you only have one child.  It's so easy to do with one child", I just want to say that it isn't that hard to give 10 children a hug and a kiss and tell them that you love them.  Take that time everyday to tell each one of your children that you love them.  Never EVER let their head hit the pillow at night without you telling them that you love them.  Even on the days that they aren't that lovable remind them that you love them and that no matter what, you always will.  I can't think of one thing that my son could ever do or say that would make me not love him.  Okay, that being said, I am not the perfect parent and I'm not sure that there ever was a perfect parent besides our Heavenly Father and he loves us all unconditionally.  So here is to all of us who are striving to be the best parent that we can be!! Hug and kiss those kiddos today and every day after that!! They grow up so fast.