Lesson #15,075-Children Are Thieves

Okay, so our children are thieves.  Anyone who is a parent know that they steal from you.  The first thing they steal from you when they are tiny babies is sleep.  Mama and Daddy are laying in their beds, sleeping soundly.  We have made sure to feed the baby and get him to sleep.  We turned off all of the lights and locked all of the doors.  We have put the cat out for the night and set the alarm clock for the morning.  So, why are you waking us up in the middle of the night?  Anything that small cannot be hungry every 2 hours.  They are thieves stealing our sleep!! I can forgive this one because I tried explaining to him, at one week old, that it was inappropriate for him to keep me up all night but apparently one week old babies don't comprehend what we are saying. 

Then they get a little older and you cannot have a cup of anything to yourself.  If you have a cup, a juice box, a mug or stein of anything to drink, they are going to have some.  Hide your shot glasses because they will think it is just a small drink, all for them!!  Honestly, my son is 13 and I cannot have a can of soda to myself without him putting his big ole lips all over it.  I swear, you just have to take 6 steps to the kitchen and get your own can of soda. We don't live in a 20,000 square ft. house!!  There is even a small refrigerator upstairs with your drinks in them!!! Ummm. Hello!!

Then they get a little older and they steal your money.  Literally.  If you leave money on the counter, dresser, desk, or even in your pocketbook it will get taken!!  I know this because my child does not have a job. He isn't selling his stuff on eBay or our local online yard sale and the kid has more money in his pocket than I have in mine. I just did laundry and found about $3 in his pockets!!  He not only steals from me but also his father.  Then every Saturday he will bring his change that he has collected around the house all week to his dad and gets dollar bills for it.  This kid is running a scam on us!!

The worst offense is not money, drink or sleep but my stash of candy!!  Okay, so let me explain it to you.  You have free reign of all of the candy in the kitchen, the pantry, the living room bowl or your daddy's bowl.  You do not have an all access pass to anything in the bottom drawer of my nightstand, hidden under the newspaper.  Got it??  That is my stash of good chocolate and if you are younger than 42 and male then you are not to even look at my stash!!  Those are Mommy Chocolates!!

Honestly, children will steal anything.  You walk off from your sandwich, you better take it with you.  You want to see your iPhone ever again, better take it with you.  You want to finish that bag of chips, better take them with you.  Want to take a nap on the couch with your child?  You had definitely better get 2 blankets because they will steal the entire blanket for themselves.  If you want to keep your sanity, forget it.  It's gone as soon as that baby is born.

There are numerous other items that are stolen from us.  Ya know, like the TV remote.  They steal this and change the TV to SpongeBob and then hide the remote so you cannot change the TV or turn the volume down.  They know full well that I cannot find the buttons on the side of the TV to change the channel or volume so they do this on purpose!!  They also steal your seat every time you get up!!  My laptop is always MIA.  My son has the best laptop in the house because his is the newest and because he kept stealing ours but for some reason he still uses mine.  I am missing the "up" key and the "Caps Lock" sticks but he still likes mine better.  What the heck??  Little thief!!

I guess this is all okay.  As long as he keeps stealing kisses from his mom then he can steal everything in this house!!  And yes, even my chocolate that is stashed in the bottom drawer of my nightstand and hidden under the newspaper.  Rob me blind, dahling but keep the kisses coming!!  He also STOLE my heart when I first laid eyes on him!!