Lesson #15,069-Lies We Tell Our Children

You know you've done it. I have.  I will admit it.  Here's a few:
The Tooth Fairy
Santa Claus
The Easter Bunny
ELF ON A SHELF!!!! (Only Overachievers do this one!)
"I wish we could go to McDonald's for dinner but it is closed today."
"Yes, of course, I can tell what your picture is. I just want you to explain it to me."
"The dog went to live on a farm in Montana."
"If you cross your eyes, they will stick like that."
"Drinking soda will stunt your growth."
"Don't sit so close to the TV, you will ruin your eyesight."
"No, no!! Don't do that!!! You will go blind!!!"(I haven't had to say that one yet but I will be telling that one!)
"Stop screaming or I will put your ass out on the side of this highway!" (Oh heck no. I would never do that!)
"You can be anything that you want to be, darling." (Lies! You are a C+ student. You're not gonna be a rocket scientist.)
"I love this macaroni necklace. I will wear it every day!"
"Oh no! The macaroni necklace broke!!"
"No, honey, it cannot be fixed."
"Oh darn!"
"No, Love. Mommy and Daddy were not naked in the hot tub. It just looked that way from your bedroom window."
"Of course, we only did that once." (Or however many children you may have. 2-18, just in case Michelle Duggar reads this blog. Hi Michelle!!!)
"If you don't want to brush your teeth, you don't have to.  I will just let your teeth fall out." (Okay, I just spent $5,000 on braces so you WILL brush those teeth!!)
"Don't swallow your gum or your guts will stick together."
"Don't swallow your fingernails or they will grow out of your stomach."
"Don't swallow your watermelon seeds or they will grow a watermelon in your stomach."
Pretty much "Don't swallow anything..."
"Of course, I never smoked."
"Of course, I never drank alcohol."
"Of course, I never smoked pot."
"Of course, I never (insert your lie here)."
"The shot is not going to hurt."
"The finger prick is not going to hurt."
"Uncle Sam is into ballet, sings show tunes and wears eyeliner because he is eccentric." (Well. He's that too.)
"That was the dog that farted."
"Grandpa  WAS away at college for 20 years." (Leavenworth College. Okay, maybe Leavenworth Prison.)
These are just a few.  Little white lies.  Teeny Tiny lies.  Now go and take a nap or I will call Santa!!!!