Life Lesson #15,036-Real Problems??

Life Lesson #15,036-Real Problems

I have a real problem.  I don't know when to keep my mouth shut or when to speak up.  I need some help in this department.  I saw a lady today with her dress on inside out.  Should I have mentioned it to her or kept my mouth shut?  Thing is, I was at a middle school soccer game and I didn't notice until the game was over and she walked over to where the other mothers were sitting.  I don't know her but I know that she is the mother of one of the boys on the team.  Plus, there were tons of people standing there and of course, everyone looked at me and said, "You should tell her".  Why me?  Could it be because they know what a big mouth I am?  Could it be because they think I have no filter?  Could it be because they know me well enough to know that I would want to know myself?  Why didn't one of the other mothers speak up?  Three Moms looked at me and said, "TELL HER"!! 

Y'all know that's me below!!
 

Should I stand in Walmart and point out everyone who still has on their pajamas just in case they weren't aware that they came out of the house in their pajamas?  (I mean, surely they aren't aware that they still have their pajamas on.  People would never go out in public in their pajamas on purpose, right?)  Should I stand inside the school and tell all of the 12-year old boys who have their flys open that they are walking around like that?  Should I be responsible for telling people when they have smelly breath or body odor?  Should I tell people when they are being rude or laughing too loud? (Okay, someone may need to tell me when I am being those things.)  Should I tell those young men who walk around town with their pants below their waist to pull their pants up?? (Someone should totally do that one!!!!)  Do we need to tell a friend that they have spinach in their teeth?  Where do we draw the line and does it matter how well we know someone before we say something?   Look, even if you don't know me, please don't let me walk around looking like a fool or smelling like a zoo animal.



I think if someone is going to be embarrassed about something, maybe we should speak up.  If you see a lady with her skirt caught inside her underwear, we should speak up and not let her walk around like that. If a man is walking around with his toupee blown over, maybe someone should mention it to him. If you see a lady at a middle school soccer game with her dress on inside out, maybe you should mention it to her if you see it at the beginning of the game.  When the game is over, you may as well let her get in her minivan and leave without saying anything. Your thoughts??

Life Lesson #15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults

#15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults, Not Good Kids

I don't care what anyone says, being a parent is the hardest job ever!  You have one chance to get it right.  If you are the mother then you will be the one who gets blamed for any character flaws in your child.  If they are spoiled, it's your fault.  If they are "trouble" then it's your fault.  If they have any problem whatsoever, it is your fault.  For some reason, the Dads get off free and clear!! I don't get it.  Aren't Dads half of the parents?  Anyway, we are raising these children to be good adults and we have to remember that.  If we are just trying to raise good kids then most of us have succeeded but then when they become teens some of them get lost to the struggles of being a young adult.  Some kids who are raised with very tight restrictions become wild animals when they are finally allowed some freedom and some kids turn out fine.  Some kids who are given free reign turn into homeless drug addicts and some turn into very responsible adults. So what do we do?  How do we know what is the right way to raise our children?  I mean, some kids who are raised in church or even by pastors are awesome kids and others rebel.  Some of the most rotten kids I knew were the pastors' kids.  I remember one bringing beer to school and drinking it in middle school.  Some of the nicest people that I know now, have never even been to church. I think every child is different.  Every kid should be raised on a case by case basis.  See what works for your particular child and do that.  Some kids will need an occasional spanking, some can just be threatened with taking away a toy and they will never stray!  Before you start telling me how horrible spanking is, I am not for beating or prolonged spanking but a little swat on the rear end has done wonders for my son.  He hasn't had one in many years but I can threaten it and he straightens right up.  The last time he got one, he had been talking during church and being disruptive and he deserved it.  He got a swat on the rear end when he was three for lying to me and he has not lied to me again.  That was 10 years ago.  He may start lying to me tomorrow and never tell me the truth ever again but so far it worked.

 

So what is the correct form of parenting?  Whose book should we go by?  Dr. Sears?  John Rosemond?  Or should we just maybe take a little from each and use whatever advice works for us.  To spank or not to spank?  To use Time Out or not?  Take away toys/gadgets?  Ground them?  Maybe it all changes and continues to change as they grow up.  Maybe one thing works for you from birth until they are 18-years old.  Maybe nothing works at all.  Every child is different just like every adult is different. I've seen two children raised in the same house and raised by the same parents with the same parenting style and the kids are totally different.  I've even seen twins who are completely different. I know some of it has to do with birth order or only children or if a sibling dies but it still amazes me. 
 

I think that just spending time with our children daily and letting them know that they are loved is the best thing that we can do for them.  Now before anyone starts saying, "But you only have one child.  It's so easy to do with one child", I just want to say that it isn't that hard to give 10 children a hug and a kiss and tell them that you love them.  Take that time everyday to tell each one of your children that you love them.  Never EVER let their head hit the pillow at night without you telling them that you love them.  Even on the days that they aren't that lovable remind them that you love them and that no matter what, you always will.  I can't think of one thing that my son could ever do or say that would make me not love him.  Okay, that being said, I am not the perfect parent and I'm not sure that there ever was a perfect parent besides our Heavenly Father and he loves us all unconditionally.  So here is to all of us who are striving to be the best parent that we can be!! Hug and kiss those kiddos today and every day after that!! They grow up so fast.

Life Lesson #15,033-Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Life Lesson #15,033-Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Don't we all know those people who just bring you down?  I like to call these people Eeyore. (Ya know? From Winnie The Pooh.) You see them in Target and you hope that they don't see you so you try to duck down the next aisle and you have to act like you are very interested in whatever is on that aisle.  Then they follow you down the aisle and are like, "Hi, I didn't know that you had hamsters" and you have to say something stupid like, "Umm. Yeah we are thinking about getting one for the kids" and they are like "Oh no. You don't want to do that. We had one and it died after 3 days and then had to get another one and it lived for 15 years".  And you just want to lie and say that you have had a terrible stomach virus and really need to go to the bathroom, really bad and rush away but you are too nice.  No?? Yeah, me either. (Lie)



Wouldn't life be so much better if we all tried to have a positive outlook on life.  I know it isn't always easy.  Sometimes we get bad news or our friends or family have illnesses that could take them away from us so I'm not saying we should be all smiles all the time but some people just are always negative.  "How are you today, Sammy?".  (In Eeyore's voice) "Well, my knee has fluid on it and I have a hernia and I lost my cell phone and...". "Well, Sammy, I've got to go.  See you soon".  All we really wanted to hear was "I'm fine" unless there is a real problem that you will need my assistance on.  That's why I was hiding from you in the hamster supplies aisle!! If you find yourself doing this all the time, try to stop it.  You will find that people will enjoy your company and you will probably get invited to lunch more often if you are a positive force in this life.  If you're happy and you know it clap your hands, CLAP, CLAP.



Is that mean?  Am I just cruel?  Seriously, if you see someone who you are not good friends with and they ask you how you are, please just say, "I'm good. How are you?".  Even if your dog just died that morning and you have a migraine and a Charlie Horse, please just say that you are good and ask about the other person because they don't really want to hear all about it.   And then if they are the negative ones, rush off to the bathroom in Target or the hamster aisle.  You may see me there!! Oh and if you ever catch me being Eeyore, Call Me Out On It!!!!


 

Life Lesson #15,026-What Is Up With Mommy Guilt??

Life Lesson #15,026-What Is Up With Mommy Guilt?

Seriously, what is this Mommy Guilt?  If you call me during the day and ask me what I have been up to, why do I feel like I have to give you a list of 20 things that I have done all day?  Why can't I say that I haven't made the beds yet or done any laundry or even put the dishes from last night's dinner in the dishwasher yet? Why do I feel guilty if I have come right in from morning carpool and sat down and watched TV for an hour or checked my Facebook or even that I came in and went back to bed?  My job never ends and if I don't do my job nobody else will pick up my slack so why do I feel guilty about taking a little break now and then.  Am I not allowed that or am I not allowing myself to stop working ever?  What if someone calls and I was taking a nap? Why can I not just say that I am taking a nap?  As long as everyone in my house has clean clothes and food, why can't I take a short break or even a nap?  I mean everyone else in my house can come in from school and work and plop down and watch TV for hours without me complaining about it because I understand how tiresome work and school are.  I've been there!!  With that said, some days I have 20 things to do and I have to get them done that day.  Then there are other days where I only have a couple of things to do so I am going to get them done or even put them off until tomorrow.  Why all of this guilt?   I agree that there is always something that I could be doing if I am awake but what if I just don't feel like rearranging the utensil drawer or organizing my closet?  Believe me, nothing will change.  My utensil drawer will not get any worse than it already is and my closet will not get more unorganized than it is right now.  Well, maybe the closet but who cares? I'm the one who is going to fix it!!

Some days I just want to go back to bed when Jordan goes to school and just sleep until 1:30.  Then get up, take a shower, throw the covers up over the bed, toss the dishes in the dishwasher, go to school and pick up the carpool kids, get homework started, spray some Febreeze, and sit until the husband is on his way home.  If he gives me the heads up when he is pulling out of the office, I have 45 minutes to come up with something for dinner.  I can have it delivered, pick up carryout or even cook something in 45 minutes, so that isn't usually a problem unless I need another nap in the late afternoon.  In that case, we will definitely be eating delivery or carryout!!  Why feel guilty, though?  Moms, we should band together and swear from this day forward that we will not feel guilty about chilling out for a while when everyone is out of the house!!!  Who is up first in my house?...ME.  Who says, "Goodnight, I'm going to bed" and an hour later I can finally go to bed?...ME. (And probably all the moms reading this feel the same way.)  Let's take that nap!!! NO GUILT!! NO GUILT!!

Life Lesson #15,025-School Projects Should Not Hurt My Self Esteem

Life Lesson #15,025-School Projects Should Not Hurt My Self Esteem

There is no way I could ever make up for the horrendous school projects that I have helped my child make.  When Jordan was in 2nd grade, he was assigned to make a diorama of what the earth looked like when the dinosaurs were alive.  Raise your hand if you know what the earth looked like when the dinosaurs were alive.  Yea, that's what I thought.  There aren't any photographs or drawings or written history left behind from the time of the dinosaurs.  That is, unless you can understand the cave drawings that have been found around the world but who knows when they were really drawn, right?  So anyway, he walked into that school with the most jacked up looking clay dinosaurs proudly displayed in the shoe box covered with construction paper.  I thought it was great!! I could not have been more proud.  UNTIL.  I walked in the library where each child had displayed their dioramas on top of the bookshelves all over the library.  There were masterpieces in that room!! I mean these kids have some real talent.  We have sculptors, paper mache prodigies and painters who should have artwork in The MOMA in NYC.  I tell you some of these kids had some amazing and creatively designed boxes!! Some didn't even use shoe boxes (like the directions explicitly stated to use.). Some kids used boot boxes.  Some kids used produce boxes.  Oh and did I mention that the directions also explicitly stated that the kids were to do this project all by themselves?  As we put my son's diorama down one of the 2nd grade teachers came straight over and ogled all over his sad little clay dinosaurs who looked more like bloody worms with large eyes and swollen feet.  As I walked my son to his classroom, I thought about how I was going to tell him that he was probably going to be in the "special" school next year because we would surely be kicked out of this fine school as soon as an administrator came through the library. I leaned down and gave him a kiss and almost darted to the door with the speed of Usain Bolt. I almost made it out the door and saw that obviously farsighted teacher who complimented my son on his model and she waved to me to come her way.  Just as I make it to her I burst into tears.  She asks, "What is wrong, sweetie?".  I said, "Did you see Jordan's dinosaur diorama? Why did you give it compliments when there are obvious masterpieces here in this room?".  She grabs me by my arm and says, "I gave him those compliments because those masterpieces in the library are obviously done by those kids' parents and I would rather see wormy, bug eyed dinosaurs done by a 7-year old than those bronze sculptures done by parents ANY DAY"!  I could have kissed her right there in front of twenty-four 2nd graders.


So now I know that most parents help their children with their projects.  I do allow him to do most of the work but I have helped him put together visual projects and they were pretty darn good if I do say so! Last year, in 6th grade, "WE" got a 92 on a project.  A 92???? We worked our butts off on that stupid project.  I was ready to go off on that psycho teacher! I deserved at least a 99 on that project.  I mean, he deserved at least a 99 on that project!! Seriously, did she not see how awesome that project was?  I was not invited to attend Carnegie Mellon for my artistic talents but they were as good as I could possibly do and that witch gives me a 92.  I mean, gave him a 92!!  How dare she!

(Read this like you are weeping uncontrollably.) This Sunday, between eating frozen Tyson chicken sandwiches and Domino's pizza, we had another project to do.  It was due yesterday and we worked on it all day!! It was great!! Sort of. But anyway, we got a 95 on it and again I am stabbed through the heart.  When will we...When will he get a 100???  I am gonna have to hire an artist to help my son with his projects from now on so we...he can get that elusive 100!!  I'm doing it!!  Any other parents out there have their self esteem seriously bruised by middle school teachers?  I may need therapy for many things but my bruised ego is right up there with issues which should be much more damaging to my psyche!!

Life Lesson #15,017-Human Nature is Inherently Good

Life Lesson #15,017-Human Nature is Inherently Good
Watch this video and you will know what I mean:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/MDOrzF7B2Kg?rel=0

It is the Great Boatlift of 9/11/01 in NYC.  Take 12 minutes and watch the video.  I promise it is worth it.

Life Lesson 15,006-Embrace Your Age

Life Lesson 15,006-Embrace Your Age.
And by that I don't mean we have to embrace gray hair and wrinkles.  Color your hair, get Botox or a face lift if you feel the need but we should embrace whatever stage we are in life.  I remember being in high school and thinking that I couldn't wait until I graduated and was on my own and could do anything that I wanted to do.  What was I thinking?  Why didn't I just embrace being 16-years old?  I mean, Daddy paid the bills.  I didn't have to worry about anything other than studying and what I was going to wear to school the next day.  End of list!!  When I finally was "on my own" and had to worry about paying for my car, telephone, electricity, food, clothing, etc. I found out really quickly that it wasn't so great!  When I turned 30, I thought it was the end of the world.  I had a really hard time with 30.  I wasn't in my 20's anymore.  I had to grow up and be mature!! Who wants to do that??  Once I turned 40, I was much better equipped for life.  I began not letting every little thing in life bother me.  I stopped caring if someone was talking about me because I embraced my flaws. I will never be 5'7".  Who cares?  I will never be a size 0.  Who cares?  I'm never going to have a filter on my mouth.  Who cares?  Well, maybe I need to work on that one a little bit.  My point is that Life is Good so why do we let what others think of us bother us? I wouldn't trade my stretch marks and muffin top for the life that they brought into the world.  They are just battle scars of child birth!  TOWANDA!!

Let's all stop worrying about what others think of us.  Apologize if you need to.  If not, then let the haters hate.  I wish I could get into young people's heads and give them the knowledge that life does get better.  Just because you aren't in the cool crowd in high school doesn't mean that you are not somebody in life.  Yes, your heart will get broken but that just prepares you for the one who would never break your heart.  People are going to talk about you but that just means that you are relevant. Love doesn't hurt.  Love feels good.  Your true friends will never hurt you.  They will build you up when you feel low.  Love happens.  Sadness happens.   Not everyone is going to like you.  You won't be great at everything you try.  Disappointment happens.  People will let you down.  Find your joy in life and pursue it. Enjoy whatever stage in life you are in.  There will be good points to each stage in life and as long as they outweigh the bad, then you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  Learn from your mistakes and don't make them over and over. "Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement"!! Embrace life now!!

Life Lesson #15,001

Since I have been alive for more than 15,000 days and "they" say that you learn something new every day, I'm starting my blog at 15,001.  My Life Lesson for today is this:  It is just as important to be a good friend as it is for your friends to be good friends to you.  If you are like me you have hundreds of "Friends" on Facebook.  You may be feeling pretty good about yourself with all of those "Friends".  If you are like me, you have had something sad, happy or exciting happen to you in the past year.  Think about how many of those "Friends" were there to cry with you, laugh with you, cheer with you, cook dinner for you, keep children for you or even just offer to do something for you.  If your answer is all 899 of your "Friends" then I want to know your secret. If you said maybe 3 of your 899 "Friends", you are probably normal.  Now think about how many of those 899 "Friends" have you done things for in the past year?  Again, if you said 3, you are probably normal. Now, why is that?  By definition a "Friend" is a person whom one knows, likes and trusts. A "Friend" is also someone who supports and holds mutual affection for the other person. The simple truth is that most of us really only have less than 10 good friends.

Last summer my stepmother was dying with lung cancer.  Several of my "good friends" kept my son or made dinner for my family while I was out of town.  One of my friends even came and picked up my laundry.  Now that is being a friend!!  I have had a chance to reciprocate for most every person who was there for me last year.  I hope that I was as good of a friend to them as they were to me.  It is important to be a good friend even when our friends disappoint us.  I was actually shocked and amazed by many of my "friends" last year. Some who I was sure would be there for me didn't even send a text to say that they were very sorry for my loss.  Some who I was sure would send me a text, actually came to my stepmother's funeral.  Her funeral was 40 minutes away from where we live. I will just take you back to that day for a minute.  I am sitting with my family and I look over to my left side and all of my girlfriends are taking up the first 2 rows of the church pews.  Some of them took the day off of work.  Some of them came home early from vacation.  To know that I had 2 full rows of friends there for me meant more to me than any of them will ever know. I have always said that if you want to know who your true friends are, #1 Have a baby. #2 Get sick. #3 Have a loved one die. 

Let's don't wait for events to happen in our "friends" lives.  Let's be good friends to each other even when we don't "need" each other.  You never know how much it will mean to someone just to get that affirmation of your friendship.  Don't wait until something bad happens to be a friend.