Lesson #150,154-Romance isn't dead!! (In the animal kingdom)

Okay, So I have some good news, Ladies!!  Romance is not dead!!  Well, at least not in the animal kingdom.  Sitting in the quiet house with no television, radio or vacuum cleaner on, I can hear the songbirds singing their little hearts out.  Sounds I have never heard before.  The most beautiful singing that I have ever heard.  Those little male songbirds with their feathers all aglow with color and their songs ring through the trees searching for the perfect mate.  All male birds are more beautiful than their female counterparts.  From ducks to little finches, their colors are beautiful. It is meant to attract the ladies.  Lady birds.  I think human men should take notes from these birds.  I mean, I don't think men should dress in feathers and sing, unless you are a drag queen.  Of course, even straight women love a good drag show.  Maybe that's why we love a drag show!!


Why do men hate to dress up so much?  Women love to dress up in our sexy cocktail dresses and heels that we pay way too much for.  Women love makeup and our favorite day of the month is Hair Day!! The day we get to color our gray "plumes" back to our "natural" color.  When men turn gray and have laugh lines, they are considered "distinguished".  When they are distinguished and are dressed nicely, they are considered "dapper".  When women of a certain age are gray and have laugh lines, we are considered "aging" so we fight it tooth and nail with Botox, filler and hair dye.  Even having face lifts or neck lifts. Horrible laser treatments and chemical peels. When it comes to aging, women can be way more vain than our male counterparts. Trust me on this...aging women, such as myself, feel like we are falling apart at the seams.  Aging isn't for wimps!!  In my 20's, if I needed to lose a couple of pounds, I could lose them easily without working out like a mad woman.  Now, I have to work out just to maintain a certain weight.  Muscle isn't built easily.  Fat isn't lost easily.

My point is this, we would like to be wooed like the birds do for their mates, even when we have been together for over 20 years.  Bring me a bouquet of fresh flowers once in a while.  Surprise me with a day at the spa.  Write me a little note and leave it on my pillow.  Believe me, you don't have to sing.  As a matter of fact, please don't!! When we have the chance to go to an event that we have to dress a certain way, JUST DO IT!! I promise that all of us housewives don't expect our men to wear a seersucker suit and a bow tie every day but it would be nice to see our men in some khaki pants and a nice pair of Bucks occasionally.  If you aren't from The South, you probably don't know what Bucks are. Here in The South, a sure way to catch your ladies' eye is to wear a seersucker suit and a pair of Bucks.

I know that women can do better to make sure our mates know how we feel about them.  We get into our daily routines and running children hither and yon, but we would like some romance occasionally too.  Even when we have been married forever!! We all get in our ruts and have an unrealistic view of how marriage should be.  I blame this on Hollywood.  I'm sure that 200 years ago, women knew how married life would be.  Hollywood makes every fairytale romance look like it can be reality.  Let's all make a little more effort in our relationships.  Maybe just eating together in the dining room without cell phones or the TV on.  Maybe even just sitting and talking on the back porch with a cold drink. Let's bring back romance!!  It's not dead!!  Take notes from the birds!!

Lesson #150,153-Online Dating Explained by Someone Who Has Never Online Dated

Okay, So have y'all watched the show "Online Dating Rituals of the American Male" on Bravo Network?  All I can say is that there are some really crazy people out there and Thank God I am already married and not out in the dating world.  Of course, people who are around my age have some baggage so I feel terrible for my single friends.  Most people around my age have been married, have children to consider, have figured out who they are and what they want to do in life and have a good idea of who they are looking for.

Watching this show gives me a greater appreciation for already being married.  One poor guy met a "lady", and I use that word lightly, who was already drunk when he got to the date.  She was a vegetarian and he ordered ribs and in her drunken stupor she explained to him that her best friend as a child was a pig and talked about how her family killed her best friend and she had to eat him.  Of course, it went downhill from there. After reassuring her that he would order ribs from a pig who she wasn't familiar with, he ate his ribs and she drank some more.  She lit up a cigarette inside the restaurant and he wasn't a smoker.  Then she wanted to kiss him and he had to tell her "No, thanks". Poor guy!!

Another guy had set up multiple dates for the same evening and had planned on meeting another young lady later in the evening.  Date #2 showed up early for the date and crashed his date with Date #1.  His comment was "When has a girl ever shown up early for a date in the history of dating?".  Yeah, he's right.  I was never ready on time for a date.  Hair and makeup had to be as close to perfect as possible.

There are some crazy people out there.  Yep and they are ready to date!!  They may look totally normal online but be really crazy once you have ordered dinner!! My suggestion would be to meet for coffee before going to an expensive dinner when you are meeting someone for the first time.  You don't want to have to pay for a $39.99 Surf & Turf dinner with cocktails for someone who is crazy!!

Honestly, I would never want to be back in the dating world ever again.  I have a low tolerance for BS, crazy people and having to get used to another man's cologne.  My husband and I aren't perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect person or perfect marriage so he deals with my faults and I deal with his.  My biggest complaint is that my husband doesn't turn his socks and Tshirts the right way before he puts them in the clothes hamper.  His biggest complaint about me is that I am forgetful.  I have had Mommy Brain for 15 years.  I can remember the words to a song that I haven't heard in 20 years but I cannot remember to pay the insurance bill when I promised to do it "tomorrow".  I literally pass the insurance office when I pull out of my neighborhood.  How did I forget that??

Another reason I wouldn't want to be in the dating world is google.  Now people can google you!!  There is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and I am a blogger so I actually put "my crazy" online for everyone to read!! 

There is always going to bars and meeting people but who wants to do that?  I mean, I want to go to bed at a decent hour. Maybe that's why Happy Hour is around 4:00 in the afternoon.  It's for the over 40 crowd so the singles can meet up and have dinner and get home before 9:00pm!!

Singles could always meet someone at church but everyone is usually on their best behavior at church so you don't really know who that person is until you see them outside of church.  Even then, they may not be themselves because they don't want you to tell anyone at church how they really act outside of church.

So, there ya go.  That's why people online date.  I have never looked at an online dating site, for obvious reasons, but if I had to create a profile I would probably put my best pictures online, maybe fudge my age by a few years, add a little to my education, make my life seem a little more exciting than it really is and then wait for a "wink".  Yeah.  I would suck at that!! 

Thank you, God, for my husband!!