Life Lesson #15,028-Daily Annoyances. I Guess Mine Aren't So Bad..

Life Lesson #15,028-Daily Annoyances. I Guess Mine Aren't So Bad.

These are some of the annoyances of a suburban, stay-at-home mom.
-  Walking away from 2 "girlfriends" knowing that they are going to talk about you when you walk away.
-  157 emails. 1 that is important.
-  Ponytail holder won't go around 3 times.  2 is not tight enough.
-  No parking space near the cart return.
-  People assuming that since I'm a stay-at-home mom I can drop everything for their B.S.
-  Phone calls during my nap.  (Usually people thinking I have time for their B.S. I don't I only have time for one nap today.)
-  My husband leaving lists of things for me to get done during the day.  (I'm ADD.  I will not do 3 of those things just because.)
-  Reruns of "The Real Housewives of..." (Show only new ones!!!)
-  Having to pee 10 minutes before the alarm clock goes off.
-  No cell phone service.
-  Squeaky/Bumpy  wheel on the grocery cart.
-  The cat waiting on me to finish cleaning out the litter box to go poop. (Literally she sits and waits at the door for me to clean it out!! UGH!!)
-  The child or children asking Dad "Where's Mom?" then asking me for a drink.  WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ASK DAD?!!
-  The FedEX/UPS Driver coming to my house AFTER my husband gets home.  I tell him every time to Come Early!!!

My #1 annoyance is this...Internet Banking!! It had to be a man who came up with that!  It certainly wasn't a woman.  No woman I know wants her husband to be able to look at the bank statement and Visa card bill any day, anytime.  I used to get chewed out once per month.  Now it is every other day!! People should only be able to look at Pinterest, Facebook and my blog every day and that's it!!

Okay, I do realize that I don't worry about things that other people around the world have to worry about and I get annoyed by things that would thrill people in third world countries but these are some of the annoyances in my pitiful life.  I guess I must be blessed if this is all I have to complain about but some of these make me say bad words!! Don't call me today and ask if I can pick you up a head of lettuce while I am out!  I will have to go all bat $h!+ crazy on you!!

Life Lesson #15,027-Feel Good About Yourself. Go to Walmart

Life Lesson #15,027-Feel Good About Yourself. Go to Walmart

Now I swear I am not being judgmental but if you really want to feel good about yourself, just walk around Walmart for an hour.   Trust me, you will see much larger muffin tops than you have.  You will see much worse hairdos than you have.  You will see much worse wardrobes than you have.  You will see much worse teeth than you have.  You will see at least 5 fake Louis Vuitton bags. (And I mean really bad fakes. Not the semi expensive ones.) You will see people who literally just rolled out of bed.  PJs and bed head and all. Maybe even a pair of slippers.  You will see much worse parenting skills than you have.  I have seen a full on beating of a kid who needed it in Walmart.  (I'm not for abusing children so don't message me but that kid needed his butt beat!!) 

Before you even get out of your car, you will see reasons why you probably shouldn't go inside The Walmart.  (Around here it is called "The Walmart".) There are people who have parked their beat up Volvos taking up 2 spaces.  Now, really.  If I can park my big ole tank in one space surely you can park your Volvo with a door that's a different color than the rest of the car in one space!!  Then you will see carts, buggies, whatever you call them, littering the parking lot.  I mean, there are 15 cart return places taking up 30 parking spaces littered all over the parking lot and you couldn't return your cart to one of them? Really?  Then you will see the people in the parking lot and you think to yourself, "Is it safe to go inside?" but you do it anyway.  Why is that?  Of course, it's because you want to feel good about yourself.  You look like a darn beauty queen going into that place!!  But hey, if you don't want to put on makeup or even brush your teeth, you probably won't be the worst looking person there!! 

I say we should all be required to go to Walmart once per week just so our self esteem is bolstered! Who doesn't want to be the best looking person in the room?  At Walmart, it ain't that hard!!  Now don't get me wrong. I love The Walmart when I need it.  I mean where else can you get paint, ammo and cup-o-soup?  Nowhere!! You will see it all at Walmart.  From circus freaks to society's elite.  We all need Walmart once in a while!  So get on out to your local Walmart and see what you can see!! Trust me, you will feel much better about yourself when you leave!

Life Lesson #15,026-What Is Up With Mommy Guilt??

Life Lesson #15,026-What Is Up With Mommy Guilt?

Seriously, what is this Mommy Guilt?  If you call me during the day and ask me what I have been up to, why do I feel like I have to give you a list of 20 things that I have done all day?  Why can't I say that I haven't made the beds yet or done any laundry or even put the dishes from last night's dinner in the dishwasher yet? Why do I feel guilty if I have come right in from morning carpool and sat down and watched TV for an hour or checked my Facebook or even that I came in and went back to bed?  My job never ends and if I don't do my job nobody else will pick up my slack so why do I feel guilty about taking a little break now and then.  Am I not allowed that or am I not allowing myself to stop working ever?  What if someone calls and I was taking a nap? Why can I not just say that I am taking a nap?  As long as everyone in my house has clean clothes and food, why can't I take a short break or even a nap?  I mean everyone else in my house can come in from school and work and plop down and watch TV for hours without me complaining about it because I understand how tiresome work and school are.  I've been there!!  With that said, some days I have 20 things to do and I have to get them done that day.  Then there are other days where I only have a couple of things to do so I am going to get them done or even put them off until tomorrow.  Why all of this guilt?   I agree that there is always something that I could be doing if I am awake but what if I just don't feel like rearranging the utensil drawer or organizing my closet?  Believe me, nothing will change.  My utensil drawer will not get any worse than it already is and my closet will not get more unorganized than it is right now.  Well, maybe the closet but who cares? I'm the one who is going to fix it!!

Some days I just want to go back to bed when Jordan goes to school and just sleep until 1:30.  Then get up, take a shower, throw the covers up over the bed, toss the dishes in the dishwasher, go to school and pick up the carpool kids, get homework started, spray some Febreeze, and sit until the husband is on his way home.  If he gives me the heads up when he is pulling out of the office, I have 45 minutes to come up with something for dinner.  I can have it delivered, pick up carryout or even cook something in 45 minutes, so that isn't usually a problem unless I need another nap in the late afternoon.  In that case, we will definitely be eating delivery or carryout!!  Why feel guilty, though?  Moms, we should band together and swear from this day forward that we will not feel guilty about chilling out for a while when everyone is out of the house!!!  Who is up first in my house?...ME.  Who says, "Goodnight, I'm going to bed" and an hour later I can finally go to bed?...ME. (And probably all the moms reading this feel the same way.)  Let's take that nap!!! NO GUILT!! NO GUILT!!

Life Lesson #15,025-School Projects Should Not Hurt My Self Esteem

Life Lesson #15,025-School Projects Should Not Hurt My Self Esteem

There is no way I could ever make up for the horrendous school projects that I have helped my child make.  When Jordan was in 2nd grade, he was assigned to make a diorama of what the earth looked like when the dinosaurs were alive.  Raise your hand if you know what the earth looked like when the dinosaurs were alive.  Yea, that's what I thought.  There aren't any photographs or drawings or written history left behind from the time of the dinosaurs.  That is, unless you can understand the cave drawings that have been found around the world but who knows when they were really drawn, right?  So anyway, he walked into that school with the most jacked up looking clay dinosaurs proudly displayed in the shoe box covered with construction paper.  I thought it was great!! I could not have been more proud.  UNTIL.  I walked in the library where each child had displayed their dioramas on top of the bookshelves all over the library.  There were masterpieces in that room!! I mean these kids have some real talent.  We have sculptors, paper mache prodigies and painters who should have artwork in The MOMA in NYC.  I tell you some of these kids had some amazing and creatively designed boxes!! Some didn't even use shoe boxes (like the directions explicitly stated to use.). Some kids used boot boxes.  Some kids used produce boxes.  Oh and did I mention that the directions also explicitly stated that the kids were to do this project all by themselves?  As we put my son's diorama down one of the 2nd grade teachers came straight over and ogled all over his sad little clay dinosaurs who looked more like bloody worms with large eyes and swollen feet.  As I walked my son to his classroom, I thought about how I was going to tell him that he was probably going to be in the "special" school next year because we would surely be kicked out of this fine school as soon as an administrator came through the library. I leaned down and gave him a kiss and almost darted to the door with the speed of Usain Bolt. I almost made it out the door and saw that obviously farsighted teacher who complimented my son on his model and she waved to me to come her way.  Just as I make it to her I burst into tears.  She asks, "What is wrong, sweetie?".  I said, "Did you see Jordan's dinosaur diorama? Why did you give it compliments when there are obvious masterpieces here in this room?".  She grabs me by my arm and says, "I gave him those compliments because those masterpieces in the library are obviously done by those kids' parents and I would rather see wormy, bug eyed dinosaurs done by a 7-year old than those bronze sculptures done by parents ANY DAY"!  I could have kissed her right there in front of twenty-four 2nd graders.


So now I know that most parents help their children with their projects.  I do allow him to do most of the work but I have helped him put together visual projects and they were pretty darn good if I do say so! Last year, in 6th grade, "WE" got a 92 on a project.  A 92???? We worked our butts off on that stupid project.  I was ready to go off on that psycho teacher! I deserved at least a 99 on that project.  I mean, he deserved at least a 99 on that project!! Seriously, did she not see how awesome that project was?  I was not invited to attend Carnegie Mellon for my artistic talents but they were as good as I could possibly do and that witch gives me a 92.  I mean, gave him a 92!!  How dare she!

(Read this like you are weeping uncontrollably.) This Sunday, between eating frozen Tyson chicken sandwiches and Domino's pizza, we had another project to do.  It was due yesterday and we worked on it all day!! It was great!! Sort of. But anyway, we got a 95 on it and again I am stabbed through the heart.  When will we...When will he get a 100???  I am gonna have to hire an artist to help my son with his projects from now on so we...he can get that elusive 100!!  I'm doing it!!  Any other parents out there have their self esteem seriously bruised by middle school teachers?  I may need therapy for many things but my bruised ego is right up there with issues which should be much more damaging to my psyche!!

Life Lesson #15,024-I May Or May Not Be A Horrible Stay-At-Home Mom

Life Lesson #15,024-I May Or May Not Be A Horrible Stay-At-Home Mom.
I'm not sure but I may or may not be very good at my job as a stay-at-home mom.  First of all, I am unclear about the "Stay At Home" part because I feel like I am always on the road.  Maybe we should be called "Stay-in-the SUV" Moms or "Stay-in-the-Minivan" Moms or "Stay-at-the Soccer Field" Moms or Football or Baseball or Volley Ball or Basketball or Dance Studio or Cheerleading or whatever field, court or studio or rink that you happen to spend your life at.  Also, there is the grocery store, Walmart or Target, school functions, parent/teacher meetings, community service, field trips, play dates...Wow, I could go on and on about where Moms travel every day.  We spend a lot of time in the carpool line at school!! We eat, do homework, change clothes, read, have serious talks and super hilarious conversations about bodily functions, all in the car!!
 

Then there are those Moms who post stuff on Facebook that they are doing during the day and I feel like a total piece of crap.  "Heading to the school with fresh baked muffins for little Joe's class".  "Got a fresh baked pie in the oven for my BFF".  "Can't wait for my husband to get home and see the home made dinner that I made for him".  "I have cleaned the house all day long and made filet mignon for dinner".  Just so y'all know, I hate you all!! I made those Tyson Chicken Breast filet sandwiches for Sunday lunch yesterday.  Why didn't I make a pot roast with carrots and potatoes like a good mama would?  Oh and Thank You Domino's Pizza for dinner last night!! Mwaah!!
I actually vacuumed out the couch a few days ago, because I can't even remember the last time that I did it, and I found cookie parts, pencils, popcorn, a small human being, $100,000 in coins and a Maserati. The Maserati was, unfortunately, a Matchbox Maserati car but I found one!! And how does sand get underneath the cushions?  First of all, we live in North Carolina where there is no sand except for the beach and second of all, who is this person with sandy pants??


Then there are those Martha Stewart types who sew.  You know who you are!! I can sew on a button and that's about it.  And when I sew on a button, that bad boy is never, ever coming off again, EVER!! I see Moms who can sew little dresses for their little girls, make window treatments for their house, pillows and even quilts!! I don't even know how to thread a sewing machine much less sew a straight line.  On Pinterest it says that you can make a cute little dress out of a pillow case for a little girl.  I see dresses like this in boutiques selling for $60 and up!!  Why don't I know how to sew?  I could be making pillow case dresses all day long instead of pinning stuff on Pinterest and driving kids around everywhere!! I could hire someone to drive the kids around!!!!




Then we Moms feel guilty for having a GNO (Girls Night Out) once a month.  Why do we feel guilty about that?  I mean, we are the ones who do everything for the kids 29 days a month and we ask Dad to pitch in and help for one day a month and we feel guilty and end up getting home before 10:00, usually to find that Daddy hasn't even put the kids to bed yet and has given them Coca-Cola and Pixy Stix and cannot figure out why he cannot control them. Literally the kids are burning down the house and Daddy looks like he has no idea that they have left the house to buy the gas and matches!! And the guys have to have Boys Night Out once a week!! The men come in after midnight and the kids have been asleep for hours and so have we moms!! We know better than to give kids Pixy Stix after 2pm!!


Alright, I am probably not the best Mom in the entire world but I have a healthy and happy child who probably doesn't get enough leafy green vegetables in his diet. There is probably more dirt on my floor than I care to admit to but my kid can tell you with 100% certainty that I love him.  I've never forgotten to pick up the carpool kids up from school. I've never left my child in a hot car.  I've never forgotten to feed my kid. I've kept him alive for almost 13 years and I've never had DSS called on me before!! Hallelujah! I must not be too HORRIBLE!  You, probably, are not either!! Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for not being a horrible Mom!! Whoop!! Whoop!!

But hey, they do need something to tell their therapist about when they are adults.  Can't send 'em to therapy without any material!!

Life Lesson #15,023-Criticizing Doesn't help Any Situation

Life Lesson #15,023-Criticizing Doesn't Help Any Situation

"Before you criticize anyone, walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."~Jack Hadley 

Oh my goodness! This is so hard to do.  Some people use the word "criticize" and some people use the word "judge".  There is a fine line between lovingly pointing out a fault in someone that needs pointing out to them and criticizing too harshly.  And then there is the whole "shooting the messenger" thing. It may start something like this: 
Me:  (to my housekeeper)  Umm. I think you maybe forgot to sweep, mop and dust the dining room.  It's okay. Totally fine but I just wanted to let you know so you can get it better next time.
Housekeeper:  I certainly did sweep, mop and dust the dining room.  I totally remember doing it.
Me:  No, you didn't but it is fine.  I just wanted to let you know.
Housekeeper:  Yes, I did.  I wiped it all down really well and I know I did. I can't believe that you would think that I missed an entire room.
Me:  Well if you're telling me that you did clean this room, I am going to fire you right now because you could write your name in the dust and there were cat hair balls all over the floor 2 seconds after you walked out the door. 
Housekeeper:  Well I did.
Me:  Fine.  You're fired.
Housekeeper:  Fine.

See what I mean?  It starts out as pointing out something that is so small and we all know that accidents happen and mistakes are made so there is no need to explode after such a small comment was made, especially when you are the one who is 100% wrong.  I mean really!  My housekeeper sure does point out when something is left on the floor or it just gets vacuumed around!! Seriously!!

Anyway, my point is maybe I should have just left it alone and not said anything.  I mean, I cleaned the room and vacuumed after they left so it did get done.  No big deal but I had PAID someone else to do it and I feel like it should have been done. I really wasn't trying to criticize, judge or whatever but I just wanted to point out that there was a mistake made. So what should we do when something needs pointing out? 

What if you have a dear friend who is being talked about all over town and you feel like you need to tell that person because you love them?  Will the conversation end like the housekeeping conversation did?  Is it worth losing the friend to "save" them from themselves?  What to do?  What to do?? Scroll to the bottom...




Problem solved.  I'll just keep it to myself and let others worry about themselves and I will just worry about me.  Lord knows I need some improving upon!!! 

Life Lesson #15,022-People, Please Put On Clothing Before Leaving The House

Life Lesson #15,022-People, Please Put On Clothing Before Leaving The House
People of the world, I love a pair of pajamas as much as the next person.  I love me some comfortable bedroom shoes too.  The fluffier the better.  Oh and a fluffy, soft robe that is a little too big to keep me warm in the morning. That being said, I do not want to see you pumping gas or pushing a shopping cart at 11:00am with your pajamas on.  If I have to put on sweats and put my hair in a ponytail then you should too.  I even take 30 seconds to take off my bedroom shoes and throw on some running shoes or flip flops.  I mean really, those fluffy froggy slippers are cute but they are picking up all kinds of grossness off of the floor at Walmart and you are taking it right back to your house. Ewww.  Throw on those flip flops like I do!!

While we are talking about what women do, let's move on to the young men. You guys are another story.  I want you guys to pull up your darn pants.  Nobody wants to see your underwear!!  How long can this trend go on?  Do you really think that you look cool with your underwear and half of your behind showing?  No, you look like an idiot! You are never going to get a job with your butt hanging out. Why do you think we never see you working?  You guys are just walking around town or the mall.  Pull up those pants and you will get a job!!  You walk around holding them up with one hand so why not tighten that belt and then you can use both hands to fill out that job application.  I would love for you to hand me my chicken sandwich and waffle fries but not if you are pulling up your pants with one of your hands every 5 seconds! Why do we never see anyone over 40 dressed this way unless they are rappers?  The reason is because we know better!!  (Also, this is not a racist statement because I see almost as many white and Hispanic young men doing this as I do black.)

Okay so put some clothes on before going out of the house and pull up your pants!! Nobody wants to see your pajamas or underwear.  People make assumptions based on your appearance.  Whether or not that is fair, I don't know, but it is the reality of life. You look lazy!  It may not be true but you do!! Pull up those pants and put on some clothes!! Now let's get out there!! Have a great day!!

Life Lesson #15,021-I'm perfectly happy with my house until the next catalog comes

Life Lesson #15,021-I'm Perfectly Happy With My House Until The Next Catalog Comes
Well, my house was great and then I got the new Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware catalogs.  Now I need new duvet covers, drapes and towels.  Oh and rugs.  I hate my rugs. Well except for the one tapestry rug that I own.  You know?  The one rug in my house that the cats throw up on? One rug!!! One!!! Every time!!! I mean these cats will run from upstairs with vomit about to spew from their ears to throw up on this rug. They know that it is my one nice rug.  Otherwise, they would throw up on the hardwood floors or bathmats. I have high maintenance cats.  That's what it is.  My cats are high maintenance!!  Anyway, now I need all new stuff!

Then I start looking at Crate & Barrel and Pier One and now I know how much I need to replace my china, flatware and all of my different glasses.  Maybe I could give my china to my cats!! Ya know?  Since they know the good stuff. Oh and I need some new table cloths and place mats for the cats to lay on.

Then I get tons of clothing catalogs and I begin to hate all of my clothes.  I need this and I need that!! More jeans.  More tops.  More sweaters.  More shirts.  Another winter coat.  New belts and scarves. You get my drift, right?

Oh and I get Home Decorators and Ballard Design.  I need all new home decor.  My pictures are not as cute as theirs.  My picture frames are dated.  My knick knacks are old and dusty and my lamps aren't glamorous enough.  I need some more fabulous down pillows for my couch.  Oh and my couch!! It needs replacing!! There are some great ones in these catalogs.  Love the ones with tan ticking. Oh sorry! I spaced on the new couches and pillows again!!

I got this catalog today called Grandinroad.  Now I need new decorations for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas!! All of mine suck! They have a Christmas mantel scarf that is so stinking cute!!  Oh and real looking mummies for Halloween!!!  What am I going to do??  I don't have this kind of money!!  I may have to put off my Botox this month.  Oh who am I trying to kid?  I'm not doing that!!

Then I look at Pinterest.  My entire house sucks!! I give up!! Never ever, ever look at Pinterest!! You may as well live in a tent because there are actually people with limestone floors, marble counter tops and loggias with views of the infinity pools.

Okay, blog readers, thank you for reading my crazy rant but now I cannot live in my house.  I will do my next blog from my car...

 

Life Lesson #15,020-Housewives/Stay-at-Home Moms, Is it a competition??

Life Lesson #15,020-Housewives/Stay-at-Home Moms, Is it a competition?
I have a friend who is a "Housewife".  This person can do it all!! This person is a master gardener.  Their garden has won "Yard of the Month" in a small town in South Carolina.  This is a highly coveted award in this small town and there is major competition among the finely manicured lawns lining the streets of the town. **My plants are dying.

This person also cooks wonderful meals most every night.  I see the menu on Facebook every night and think, "Hmm. My hot dogs don't sound as appetizing as their meal".  Seriously, who has time to garden and cook? Their meals are also healthy and probably take hours to cook.  **Mine is unhealthy and took minutes to cook.

This person also does community service throughout their community.  How this person has time to do for others is beyond me.  This person is always helping with community activities and with local charities.  This person even collected shoes for the people of Haiti after the tragedy there a few years ago.  Things like this are always going on at their house.  This person also does community service with local young ladies who are in the pageant world.  This person helps the ladies with every aspect of the pageant process and with their community service as well. Their motto is:  "If you ain't giving, you ain't living."  **I haven't done much for my community lately. I am, however, serving at the Union County Homeless Shelter this Saturday night.

This person hosts the most fabulous parties.  Hundreds of people show up for these parties.  Their Cinco De Mayo Party is legendary.  There is also the Annual Redneck Casserole Supper.  Ice Cream parties. Pretty much any day is a reason to have a party.  A fabulous party, I might add. **I gave up on parties.  It always RAINS!!!



This person and their husband decorate for Christmas beginning in early fall so that the "Santa House" is nearly perfect for the big day.  They have over 20 Christmas trees in their yard for the holiday season.
**I can barely decorate one tree!!
Check this out: 



This person does all of this along with daily duties of a housewife such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping and all other duties that we housewives have.  This person has a grown son and daughter and granddaughter. They now take care of a cat and 4 small dogs (All Yorkies and properly named after the cast of the greatest movie ever made, Steel Magnolias.) and tries to find homes for homeless pets. How cute is that???  **My 3 cats are driving me over the edge!!


This person is a cancer survivor.  You would never know it and you will never hear this person complain about it. **I complain about a hangnail.

Would you like to know who this amazing housewife is??  Are you ready for this??
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Well, here HE is...


Tim is the one on the left.  His husband is Neil on the right.  They live in South Carolina with their 4 dogs and cat in the "Santa House". Tim is the most amazing housewife EVER!!! I aspire in life to be as good a citizen as he is someday!!  **No competition!! Tim wins!!!

Life Lesson #15,019-Facebook Becomes Too Personal

Life Lesson #15,019-Facebook Becomes Too Personal
Anyone who has a Facebook will agree with today's blog.  You will know "Friends" who post these things and if you see yourself in these examples, PLEASE STOP!!

We all have "Friends" who post about personal family business.  I don't want to know about how much you hate your sister who causes drama.  If you are posting about your sister who causes drama on Facebook, then you are part of the drama.  Family business should be kept "in the family" not made into huge drama on a social network. Once it is "out there" it is "out there" forever!!

There are young people who constantly post pictures of themselves in mirrors.  Young men with their shirts off. (Some men are old enough to know better than to do this!) Young girls posting pictures of themselves with the fish lips!! You are 11 and I know your Mama and I know that she did not allow you to get lip injections so STOP THAT!!  And go clean your bathroom mirror!

There are people who constantly post about their at home businesses.  I am so happy for you if you have your own business and I wish you much success and hope that you are as happy and as rich as you claim to be.  I just don't really care if you make $8,000 a week.  I do not want to join your team!!

There are people who constantly post about their political beliefs.  You are not going to change my mind about who to vote for in the upcoming elections with your political rants.  If anyone doesn't agree with your rants, you get mad.  I have seen posts on my news feed between people who have been friends since preschool and they end up "unfriending" each other over politics.  I mean, who does that?  I am still going to be your friend even if you aren't of the same political persuasion as myself.  I may think you are 100% wrong and you may think that I am 100% wrong.  Just go and vote in November and we will see how it all works out.

Then there are those who post only Bible verses.  I happen to know some of you people very well.  That is not all that you talk about 24/7.  Even my pastor doesn't do that!  Who are you trying to convince that you are a Christian?  Everyone else or yourself?

And then there is the friend who only posts about how there is no God.  Who are you trying to convince? If you don't believe in God, then don't believe but stop trying to convince me.  I believe that there is a God. I don't believe in evolution and you will never convince me otherwise! If I am wrong, so what? If you are wrong, well, that's another story.

Then there are those who only post about their kids.  UGH!! My kids are #1.  My kids are the smartest.  My kids are the cutest.  My kids are the most athletic. My kids are the most talented. My kids...My kids...My kids...STOP IT!!!!  My kid is the smartest, cutest, most athletic and my kid is #1 so stop trying to say that yours is the best!! Haha!! We all think our kid is the best!!  I mean, if your kid gets into Princeton on an academic scholarship and then makes the football, baseball or softball team, please post this because it is wonderful news!!  Your kid just made a base hit in T-Ball.  He or she hasn't made the major leagues just yet.

Last is my biggest pet peeve.  If you do this, please know that EVERYONE has "blocked" your posts from their news feed.  That person who posts every move that they make...
7:32am-Just woke up.  Good morning Facebook Friends!
7:45am-Getting in the shower. Have to smell good for the day!
8:02am-Having my first cup of coffee.  2 sugars and a splash of milk.
8:25am-Having a terrible hair day.  Good thing I have a low cut shirt on today.
8:40am-Late for work. Fred, please tell Moe that I will be there as soon as I can!!
9:02am-Made it in. Have a great day today!
10:07am-Break time. Having a Coke and some crackers. I'm in such a bad mood today.
10:45am-Made a lunch date with my honey! See you at 11:30, John! I love you!
11:25am-Ready to see my baby. Order me an iced tea!
12:25pm-Great lunch with my sweetie. Almost late getting back from lunch!
1:52pm-This is the longest day in history.  Come on 5:00!
2:45pm-Boss just left for the beach for the week.  Whoop! Whoop!
3:28pm-What will I make for dinner tonight? Grilled chicken or lasagna?
4:15pm-Decided on lasagna. Gotta go to the grocery store after work.
5:05pm-At the grocery store.  Man someone didn't return their cart and I almost hit it with my new Camry!
6:02pm-Lasagna in the oven.  I will post a pic as soon as it gets out of the oven so you can be jealous. :)
6:35pm-(((Picture of the Lasagna)))
7:03pm-Dinner was good.  Watching TLC.  Honey Boo Boo comes on tonight!!
8:31pm-Having a candy bar before bed.  Is that bad?
9:45pm-Going to bed after I brush my teeth and wash my face. Good night everyone!!
OMG!! GET A TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!!

You all know at least one of these people!! Don't ya??

Life Lesson #15,018-T-shirts ROCK!!

Life Lesson #15,018-Tshirts ROCK!!
I love a good T-shirt.  I would do most anything for a nice T-shirt. Don't judge me! You know that you love T's too! Who doesn't?  If I were in charge of the world, I would mandate that every day is a T-shirt day. I would wear a T-shirt to black tie events if I could.  I mean, really, who wants to spill an apple martini on your $500 dress?  Then you have to take your $500 dress to the dry cleaners to get the apple martini stain out of your dress! (Not that I have ever done that.)  Heck, if you go on Pinterest, you can make a ball gown out of a T-shirt!  If I were filthy rich, I would just have better T-shirts. I would be able to wear T-shirts at my beach house decorated by Pottery Barn. T-shirts are just so comfortable. They can be plain and you can throw on a cardigan and look nice.  They can have designs all over them and have a v-neck and look great.  You can wear them 2 sizes too large and look comfortable.  You can sleep in your husband's T-shirts. They make the the best night gowns. In the morning, you can throw on a pair of  sweats or shorts and knock around the house until you are ready to take a shower or just throw on a pair of pajama pants and go to Walmart like most people do!!

T-shirts can tell a story. They can tell where you have been.  They can tell who you have seen in concert.  They can tell people that you are "Fabulous" or that you "Love Justin Beiber".  You can tie dye a T-shirt and it will be a one-of-a-kind. You can wear a T-shirt with your favorite NFL or NBA team logo on it and show your support.  Look at how many fundraising organizations give out  T-shirts with any donation that you make.  They know we just want the shirt!! I don't give a rat's behind about a spotted owl but I want the darn T-shirt!! It works out fine because these organizations just want your money and you get the "free" T-shirt!! That T-shirt may have, in reality, cost you $1,000 but you got the "free" T-shirt with the donation so it's okay!! Seems fair, right?  Oh and how do you think all of these marathons get so many people to run?  It's the T-shirts!! Most sane people hate to run!! But you give me a T-shirt and I might run a marathon.  Okay, maybe just one of those short ones or do a Run/Walk but only if I get a new T-shirt. 

Human beings love T-shirts so much that we buy them for our pets. I saw a little dog the other day with a Captain America T-shirt on.  It was hilarious.  We humans probably love T-shirts more than the dogs do. I know that it is true because we have options.  We can wear crew neck, v-neck, tapered, ruffled, asymmetrical, long sleeved, short sleeved or no sleeved. The best part of a T-shirt is that anyone can wear one.  No matter who you are or who you think you are, you can wear a T-shirt!! The homeless man on the street corner and the President of the United States wear T-shirts!  Hail to the T-shirts!! Now, go put on your favorite T-shirt and have a great day!!

Life Lesson #15,017-Human Nature is Inherently Good

Life Lesson #15,017-Human Nature is Inherently Good
Watch this video and you will know what I mean:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/MDOrzF7B2Kg?rel=0

It is the Great Boatlift of 9/11/01 in NYC.  Take 12 minutes and watch the video.  I promise it is worth it.

Life Lesson #15, 016-Nutella is Yum!

Life Lesson #15,016-Nutella is Yum!
Y'all, I am so upset! Any of you who know me know that I have a "thing" for Nutella.  I love this stuff! It is like spooning Heaven straight out of a jar! Nothing tastes like Nutella. (Well, except for hot fudge over soft serve vanilla ice cream.)  Anyway, I seriously eat it with a spoon.  I don't put it on toast or dip pretzels in it.  I eat it WITH A SPOON!! Well, I went to the dentist yesterday and I have 3 very small cavities! What?? What have I been doing?  I have cut out most of the soda that I drink.  I still like to have an occasional soda but what have I been eating that is sugary?  Yep!! Nutella!! Why can't things that taste good also be good for us?  A doctor that I used to work for used to say "If it tastes good, spit it out!".  It is so true!! I just don't want to live in a world where Nutella is bad for your health, your teeth, your blood sugar and your waistline.  I want one sugary and delicious food item to be good for me!!  Why can't this be it??

The first thing that I said when I tasted Nutella for the first time was "If suicide hotlines could transport Nutella immediately to their callers, nobody would want to leave this earth!". I mean, Earth is the only planet with Nutella!!  If you have never tasted Nutella, don't!! You will be addicted.  It is like crack! I have never tried crack but I am sure that it couldn't be any better than Nutella!! My point it very simple today...Nutella is Yum!!

Check out this chick...She knows what's up!! Y'all know that I really want to do this but since I am not a baby, I can't get away with it!!

Life Lesson #15,015-Save The Boobies!!

Life Lesson #15,015-Save The Boobies!!

Boobies, Hooters, TaTas, Fun Bags, Tits, Second Base, Boulders, Melons, Coconuts, Rack, Breasts, Skeeter Bites, Nah Nahs, Bust, Headlights, Twins, Girls, Jugs, Gazongas, Balloons, Bosoms, Knockers, Milk Jugs, Ninnies, wahwahs!!!

Okay, now that I have your attention I would like to take this opportunity to tell you ladies about an exciting fundraiser! It's called Bunco for Boobies!! All I know about Bunco is what I have seen on the TV show "The Real Housewives of Orange County".  Apparently grown women get drunk, roll the dice, scream a little bit when they win and then they start a huge fight with each other and everyone leaves the game very angry in stretch limos... What???  Oh.  Apparently that only happens in California. 

This fundraiser is an event that everyone can afford to go to ($25/person) and it is for a cause that has touched all of us in one way or another.  I mean, who doesn't know a woman that has had breast cancer?  If you have seven friends then chances are one of the eight of you will have breast cancer.  That is an astounding statistic.  1 in 8!! We all know that we need to get mammograms and do self breast examinations but the only way to eradicate this disease is to find a cure!!  Avon Foundation is a wonderful organization and has walks all over the country raising awareness and educating women about breast cancer.  They also raise money for breast cancer research. They are unaffiliated with other breast cancer organizations. Bunco for Boobies is one of our local events raising money for the Avon Foundation through the Avon Walk in Charlotte, NC that will be held on October 27 & 28. 

About the event:  Bunco For Boobies will be held on September 20th, 6:00pm-9:00pm at Morning Glory Farm in Monroe, NC.  The emcee for the evening will be Kelly McKay from 107.9.  Your $25 includes: Bunco, prizes for game winners, best dressed, appetizers & beverages.  They will also have a raffle the night of the event ($2 per ticket) and will be selling great t-shirts to commemorate the event (only $10)!  The event will be catered by Kate Clyde's Catered Creations!! Yummo!! If you are interested in coming to this event, you can do a couple of things.  One is RSVP by paying your $25 with cash, check or Paypal (buncoforboobies@gmail.com). Non PayPal payments can be given to one of the hostesses or mailed to Core Studio Pilates & Yoga - PO Box 512 Monroe, NC 28111. The hostesses include:  Amy Furr, Corey Cohen, Dana Lehnhardt, Heather Bostic, Heather Moses, Jill Hinson, Katheryn Davis, Kathy Bragg, Nicki Lockhart.  If you do not know one of these ladies, leave me a message and I will get their info to you.  If you cannot make it to this wonderful event but would love to make a donation in any amount, you can do that too through either Paypal or mail a check to Core Studio with Avon Foundation written in the memo section.

Now listen ladies, we all know how important our boobies are to us.  If we are having a bad hair day we can simply wear a low-cut shirt and nobody will even notice our horrible hair!! Let's keep it that way!! Please attend Bunco For Boobies or donate to Bunco For Boobies or Avon Foundation.  If you can make it to the event, wear your cutest outfit or dress out in pink.  This event promises to be fun for all the women who attend.  It's a great GNO (Girls Night Out)!! Hope to see you there!!!

For more information please log onto:
http://www.avonwalk.org/charlotte/
http://www.morninggloryfarmnc.com/
http://www.corestudiopilates.com/
 
**Ladies, please also don't forget to do those self exams monthly and mammograms yearly for early detection.

Life Lesson #15,014-Does Parenting Get Easier?

Life Lesson #15,014-Does Parenting Get Easier?
Well, does it?  Do we ever stop worrying about them?  When we have a little baby and we're getting no sleep we wonder if it will ever get easier.  Then it does.  Well, it gets better when the baby starts sleeping through the night but then there are other things to worry about. Then the baby is getting heavy and you wonder if it will get any easier when they start to walk.  Then it does but then they want to walk around everywhere and you have to watch them every second of the day or the kid will be in the street.  Then they start preschool and you have a little extra time in the morning and you expect to get more done since you have 3 hours without the kid/kids.  Once you get the kid to preschool and get home to take your shower and get ready, you get beds made and 2 loads of laundry done, it is time to pick up the kid from school.  Then you wonder if it gets any better when the kids go to elementary school. It does.  It gets better because you have a little more time but you miss the kids when they are gone and you have other things to worry about.  You have to worry about teachers, homework, friends, grades, sports, and extracurricular activities.  Then there is middle school.  We all remember middle school and kids can be so mean. Then High School. High school and fitting in and making good choices and making good grades to get into a good college. Then College!!  Ugh, College. Then Marriage.  Then our children have children.  Then we take worrying to a whole different level.  Then we have to worry about our children, their husband or wife and our grandchildren.  The cycle starts all over again. 

I don't really think that once you have a child of your own you can rest easily ever again.  It's a love that nobody could ever explain to you.  You just have to experience it yourself to understand.  I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my child.  It's just that different kind of love that takes your breath away.  Kittie Franz once said, "Remember you are not managing an inconvenience, you are raising a human being".  So, I guess it gets easier in some ways but gets harder in others.  Children can drive you crazy some days but when you are away from them, you miss them.  I haven't had a hot meal in almost 13 years because I have to make sure that everyone else has their dinner, drinks, utensils and napkins before I can even put my food on my plate.  I haven't been to the bathroom by myself in almost 13 years either.  If it's not my child it is one of the cats!!  I mean really...give me 2 minutes to pee!! Does anyone else hide the good chocolate?  If it's Hershey's, you can have it!! If it's Cadbury, it's MINE!! And nobody had better touch my Nutella!! But I wouldn't change a thing!  I would gladly have sleepless nights for the rest of my life for my child.  I love you, Boo Boo!!

Life Lesson #15,013-DO NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT PINTEREST

Life Lesson #15,013-DO NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT CHECKING OUT PINTEREST!
Y'all I am so upset.  I got married, had a baby, decorated a house, went clothes shopping, shoe shopping and I have cooked for years without looking at Pinterest.com and now I know what a failure I am.  I want to do it all over again.  My wedding could have had those crystal thingys hanging from trees!! My poor son had to sleep in a dumb ole Peter Rabbit nursery.  I hate all of my clothes! I hate all of my shoes...well, not all of them but I really do need those new Christian Louboutin shoes.  They are only $995. I think all women should have the money to have a pair of those shoes!! (Including me!!) My dinner last night sucked!! I mean my pasta salad was not at all fabulous!!

Here is my problem:  I could look at Pinterest all day long and get ideas.  I need to actually stop "pinning" these ideas and start doing some of them.  My closet looks like I let a crazy person try on clothes and shoes. I need to organize my closet like they have them organized on Pinterest.  I need to hang my boots on those boot hangers and make hangers for my flip flops and sandals.  I need to organize my cabinets and put lighting in them.  I need to clean my grout with that super duper mixture that promises to get it white again.  I need to clean that stain in the den carpet with that mixture that is supposed to remove any stain from any carpet.  I need to wipe my baseboards with dryer sheets so they are dust free and will stay that way.  I need to prune my bushes the proper way.  I need to repaint furniture and make it look fabulous.  (Did y'all know that there is a spray paint that is so super-metallic that it looks like chrome!!) I need to shine my hardwood floors, clean my tarnished silver, clean my ceramic cooktop, clean my jewelry, monogram everything and do those exercises that promise to give me a flat belly in 10 days! I need to do it all today!!!!!! Oh, who am I kidding.  I'm gonna take a nap.

Life Lesson #15,012-Kids Have Too Much Homework

Life Lesson #15,012-Kids Have Too Much Homework!
School has been in session for one month around our household and I am already ready for summer break next year!  My 12-year old son does more homework in the 7th grade than I ever did in college!  These kids don't have time to go outside and blow off steam.  They don't have time to talk to their friends or play video games or watch TV or ride bikes or socialize.  And you know what that means, right?  Neither does MOM!!  I remember being able to come home after school and have a snack and then do a few questions of homework and then getting to veg the rest of the afternoon.  That was living!!  No wonder there are so-called "Helicopter Parents".  They have to hover over the kids because they are having to help them with their homework!  Seriously, I can help with Science, English and Social Studies and my husband can help with Math. (He lost me in 3rd grade with Math!! Word problems may as well be in Russian.) But Spanish!! Nobody can help with Spanish in my house!! We had to buy one of those language programs for the computer because I took 3 years of French.  My husband speaks Dutch and Afrikaans.  A lot of good that does us!!  We have even had 2 music projects to do this year!! I mean, what happened to the music class like we had as kids? The crazy music teacher would come in with a big cardboard box and hand out some old beat up musical instruments and we would go to town beating on drums, playing horns, pinging the triangle and crashing the cymbals!  Music class was fun!!

Look let's just be really honest. Mama doesn't like homework very much and neither does Daddy.  Mama hasn't had a glass of wine on a week night since school started!  If Mama doesn't get her wine, Daddy doesn't get any.................wine either.  What did you think I was going to say?   Anyway, why can't kids be kids these days?  Everything is a competition now.  They have to make straight A's to get into college.  They have to play the best in their sport so they can get a scholarship.  They have to Study, Study, Study!!  They have to Train, Train, Train!!  Can't we just accept the fact that the Chinese are better than us and smarter than us and just go back to a simpler life?  I didn't mind being behind the Chinese when I was in school.  As long as we are smarter than the people of some small country in the Caribbean,  I'm good with being behind the Chinese!! KIDS NEED TO BE KIDS!! STOP THE MADNESS!!

Life Lesson #15,011-That ONE Friend

Life Lesson #15,011-That ONE Friend.
That one friend.  You know who it is.  That one friend who can't wait to stir up some drama.  That one friend who is always upset, depressed, angry, sick, disappointed, self absorbed and problematic.  That one friend that when she calls, you draw up and consider not answering the phone.  If you don't answer the phone though, she will call you 4 times a day and leave you voice mails about how lousy she is feeling until you do answer. That one friend that when she calls and you do answer the phone never asks how your day is going or about you or your family.  She just called to tell you how horrible her life is and how her husband sucks and how her children got done wrong by someone because they are perfect angels.  That one friend who has done it all, seen it all and knows it all better than anyone in the history of human history. You know the one I am talking about. Yeah you do.  The one that can bring a party down simply by entering the room.

Now I am not talking about a good friend who genuinely has a problem that they really want to talk to you about or get your opinion on something.  I'm talking about that one friend that everyone seems to have that just doesn't get it.  Your life may be just as sucky as hers but she can make hers sound worse and even make you feel bad for saying one thing about your life as she rattles on and on about hers. Now I know that it is rough to ride around in that 2011 Mercedes-Benz SUV (That old piece of crap!) and live in your 5,000 square foot house (shameful) and your husband only sends you flowers once a week (The Bastard).  I get it but ya know what?  Get over it!!!  Why do women not do as men do and just say, "I need my space from you"?  Why do we go for years and torture ourselves being "friends" with that one friend?  My message today is DON'T BE THAT FRIEND!  If you have to ask yourself if you are that friend to someone, then you probably are!!

Notice to all of my friends:  None of you are this person so don't be filling my inbox with questions about whether or not you are that friend.  Got it?