Lesson #-15,098-$H!T I've Been Doing Wrong!

Okay, so I've been reading and studying and learning about how to be a Super Mom.  Boy, have I been doing it wrong.  Apparently, SAHMs (Stay-at-home Moms) are supposed to have their crap together.  We are supposed to be organized.  We are supposed to have our pantries in order.  Our soup cans should be grouped together and coordinated and/or color coordinated. Cereals should be lined up properly with kids cereals poured into cereal containers with labels on them.  We are supposed to have baskets with fresh produce in them.  Cookies and snacks should be in bins.  Dry soups and mixes should be kept in Tupperware containers and labeled.  What???  You should see my pantry!!  Boy, am I doing it wrong!!  My pantry looks like a toddler "arranged" it.  Soup cans are on every shelf and not in any order.  The top shelf holds about 8 boxes of half eaten cereal.  Some of it probably dates back to the 1990's because I have good intentions to eat the healthy cereal but I end up eating Captain Crunch instead.
(Not my pantry)
Let's move on to the cabinets.  My pots and pans are not organized at all.  You risk you life when you open the coffee mug cabinet.  We have about 47 coffee mugs of all shapes and sizes.  They do not stack well when they are all different sizes and that stupid handle keeps the small ones from going inside the large ones!!  My cabinet holding my glasses is a freaking mess.  When you have a kid, you have tons of plastic cups from every restaurant in town.  You are not allowed to throw those away because of the "memories"!! (As my son says!!) They do go missing from time to time.
(Not my kitchen cabinets)
Apparently, SAHMs are supposed to cook a nice dinner every night.  One meat, one bread and a minimum of 2 vegetables.  VEGETABLES??  Is cheese a vegetable?  I sure hope so because that's about as close to a vegetable as we got last night!!  Sandwiches are on the menu tonight!!  Please, don't call DSS on me!!
(This is not me)
My refrigerator is littered with many packages of sandwich meat and cheeses.  I never eat sandwich meat so my husband checks their freshness before he eats a sandwich.  If I hear him gagging then I know it is time to replace the ham.  If I hear him throwing up, I know it is time to replace the bacon.  Did you know that rotten bacon still smells heavenly when it is cooking???  Well, it does.  Be sure to check the date BEFORE cooking.  Oh and if it is brown, it is probably going to make your husband throw up.  My husband is from Africa. They are supposed to have iron stomachs!!  Guess he has been here in America too long.  He has softened!!
(Not my fridge)
My linen closet doesn't look any better than the other cabinets in my house.  Why do I have so many sets of sheets?  I always just strip the bed, wash the sheets and put them back on the bed.  I guess I have several sheet sets for the beds just in case someone pees or vomits in the bed.  There really is no other reason to have more than one set of sheets.  If you have a child who pees or vomits a lot, you may want to keep a spare set.
 (Not my linen closet)
I've really got to get my $H!T together!! But then again...

Life Lesson #15,013-DO NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT PINTEREST

Life Lesson #15,013-DO NOT BUILD YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT CHECKING OUT PINTEREST!
Y'all I am so upset.  I got married, had a baby, decorated a house, went clothes shopping, shoe shopping and I have cooked for years without looking at Pinterest.com and now I know what a failure I am.  I want to do it all over again.  My wedding could have had those crystal thingys hanging from trees!! My poor son had to sleep in a dumb ole Peter Rabbit nursery.  I hate all of my clothes! I hate all of my shoes...well, not all of them but I really do need those new Christian Louboutin shoes.  They are only $995. I think all women should have the money to have a pair of those shoes!! (Including me!!) My dinner last night sucked!! I mean my pasta salad was not at all fabulous!!

Here is my problem:  I could look at Pinterest all day long and get ideas.  I need to actually stop "pinning" these ideas and start doing some of them.  My closet looks like I let a crazy person try on clothes and shoes. I need to organize my closet like they have them organized on Pinterest.  I need to hang my boots on those boot hangers and make hangers for my flip flops and sandals.  I need to organize my cabinets and put lighting in them.  I need to clean my grout with that super duper mixture that promises to get it white again.  I need to clean that stain in the den carpet with that mixture that is supposed to remove any stain from any carpet.  I need to wipe my baseboards with dryer sheets so they are dust free and will stay that way.  I need to prune my bushes the proper way.  I need to repaint furniture and make it look fabulous.  (Did y'all know that there is a spray paint that is so super-metallic that it looks like chrome!!) I need to shine my hardwood floors, clean my tarnished silver, clean my ceramic cooktop, clean my jewelry, monogram everything and do those exercises that promise to give me a flat belly in 10 days! I need to do it all today!!!!!! Oh, who am I kidding.  I'm gonna take a nap.