Lesson #150,156-What Not To Give As a Christmas Gift

What Not To Give As A Christmas Gift

Okay, so 'Tis the Season, Right?  'Tis not the season for Re-gifting.  Well, turns out, it is. 

Bath Salts

Nobody really wants bath salts.  Nobody really uses bath salts.  Nobody has time for a bath.  Bath salts never really melt.  They just float around on top of the water or sink to the bottom of the tub, making it uncomfortable to move around.  I think that there have only really been a few bottles of bath salts ever purchased and they just keep getting passed around from friend to friend.  The bottles may get used once but never again because the crunchy pebbles do not relax you.  If anything, they stress you out.  First, they won't melt.  Second, they hurt your bottom.  Third, they are supposed to de-stress but the end up "distressing" the user. Forth, since they never melt, you have to clean the tub and rake the granules down the drain.  Last, you have to keep the bottle of bath salts visible in your bathroom, just in case your friend ever needs to use the upstairs bathroom in the master bedroom so that they can possibly, maybe see that you appreciate their gift.  Yes, the bottle is dusty and only one scoop has been used but what if Martha shows up to your house and wants to use your bathroom, even though there are 2 other bathrooms in your home and one is downstairs??  They must be on display!!

Christmas Mugs

Doesn't everyone already have 15 odd Christmas mugs in their cabinet already?  If you come to my house in July and want a cup of coffee, you will probably drink it from one of our Christmas mugs.  There is a Santa one.  A snowflake one.  A couple of tall snowmen mugs. One with an elf.  I can't even find my real coffee mugs because of all of the Christmas mugs in my cabinet.  If you are buying me a Christmas mug, go ahead and buy an entire set so that everyone can have the same mug to drink from.

A Single Christmas Ornament

At our age, we are all funny about our Christmas trees.  Some people have one Christmas tree and some have 15 but we have our decorations for all of our trees carefully planned out already.  Strategically, placed blue and silver trees.  A kitchen tree with food items.  Our children's tree with all of the ornaments that they have made or collected over the years. Our main tree with all our finest collections of ornaments and bows and such.  We don't want a single Christmas ornament to have to hang on the back of the tree!!  Yes, that is where a single, but nice, Christmas ornament goes.  The dreaded back of the tree.

A Scented Candle

Everyone loves for their home to smell good but that one scented candle that has sat on your bar for the past year, is not the perfect last minute hostess gift.  You know that it is dusty.  You know that you have dusted off an unlit candle and put it in a used gift bag before.  Admit it.  Scented candles are pretty and smell good to some people but most people get a headache from a scented candle.  Plus, if you are serving food, a scented candle is not a good idea.  It changes the flavor of the food because of the sense of smell.  Now if you have a room full of people who have mutant noses that have no more sense of smell, feel free, but please spare the rest of us the pain of the migraine from your scented candle.  (Now, I am preaching to myself here because I have one candle in my bathroom that is scented and I do light it when people are coming over just in case anyone needs to, ya know, do a quick #2 in the downstairs bathroom that everyone else is using.) 

Best Friends Picture Frame

Okay, so everyone has more than one friend who thinks that they are your best friend.  When you give Martha a framed photo of yourself and her on vacation together in a "Best Friends" picture frame, you know that will hurt Tara's feelings if she sees that.  Maybe you just want to lay claim to Martha.  Maybe you want to give ole Tara a hint.  Me and Martha are Best Friends and you, Tara, are the other friend.  WE are "Best Friends"!!  Plus, you just added to Martha's list of items to dust. 

"Basically, anything that needs to be fed, watered or dusted is a bad idea."-Susan Radford (The new Emily Post)  This includes plants, pets or picture frames.  Susan also says that any kind of food or alcohol is proper.  Anyone who knows Susan knows that she isn't kidding.  You may never drink the bottle of Johnny Walker but someone who visits your home in the next 10 years may want a shot of Johnny Walker.  That makes it proper, unless the person that you give it to is a recovering alcoholic.  Then you may have made a horrible decision in bringing your dusty bottle of Johnny Walker.

Good ideas:

Who doesn't like a lantern?  Who doesn't like a lantern with goodies inside of it?

Another great idea, especially if you are staying overnight.  This idea lets the host know that they do not have to get up early in the morning and make a big breakfast.  It will be of great relief to the host that you won't be a high maintenance guest.


This is a great idea, especially if you are visiting friends or family who do not drink alcohol.  You bring your own, drink it when you feel is proper and leave the beautiful bottle as the gift to the friend or family member.  If someone is opposed to alcohol for themselves for religious reasons or for health reasons, this will keep your host from feeling like they have to go and buy alcohol for you to drink.


To me this is the best gift ever!!!  It shows me that you are willing to eat off of a paper plate and that you don't expect the fine china to be pulled down from the top shelf.  The fine china hasn't been used since...well...never.  

I hope these tips are useful and that we are all mindful of others during the holiday season. Make sure that any guest who has a food allergy is accommodated.  If you are a strict vegan, bring your own dish of food to share. (You are usually the minority.)  If you are at a meal or party where a prayer is said and you don't believe in God, bow your head anyway. (It's the right thing to do.) If you are hosting a party, make sure to have something to drink without alcohol in it.  (You never know what someone has been through.)  Be mindful of anyone who has lost a family member in the past year.  (Don't go on and on about how great your Mom is to a friend who has just lost their Mom.)  If you don't love your Mother-in-law, invite her to your house anyway!!! (She may be lonely and you can stand anyone for a couple of hours. Plus, she probably longs to see her son or daughter.)  Remember that life is too short to hurt feelings or to waste time feeling hurt.  We have to let things go sometimes.  We can't change the world but we can change how we react to the world.

Happy Holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Hanukkah.
Happy Everything.

Lesson # 150,155 Profession vs Purpose

Profession Vs Purpose

Okay, so I haven't written a blog in a while.  I've been a little busy.  Life has changed a lot since my last blog.  In May, my Daddy passed away.  It was a long road for him to go down.  Cancer stinks!  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Saying goodbye to him was hard but I know that he is not in pain anymore and that gives me great comfort.  I'm not a sappy person.  I try to always be strong.  I hate to cry.  Dealing with the death of a loved one is never easy but after seeing him suffer so long, it was bittersweet.  The night that he was dying, my sisters and I sat with him all night long and we laughed and we cried and we laughed some more and we cried some more.  Laughing is our coping mechanism.  We sat around telling funny stories about things that we used to do to our parents and things that they would do to us.  One time, Daddy took a nap on the couch and I painted his fingernails candy apple RED!!  Then I couldn't find the polish remover.  It was funny to me but he wasn't as amused as I was!  My sister and I would tape the handheld water sprayer so that when Daddy or Katherine (my stepmother who was my mother!!) would turn on the kitchen faucet, the water would squirt them.  Again, they didn't find it as amusing as we did, especially when they were trying to cook dinner!!  Our parents had a little payback and would do things to embarrass us too.  We grew up in a small town and all there was to do was ride around town and park at the carwash and talk to our friends.  One night they drove through town to get some ice cream and saw us sitting at the carwash with all of our friends.  We watched in horror as they turned around and rolled down the windows and cranked up their radio to the worst country western music they could find and they pulled in the carwash and drove around and around us yelling "Hey Colette.  Hey Denise" and blowing the horn! Our friends thought it was hilarious.  We weren't as amused as they were.  We did have some great times together.  We love them and miss them both dearly. (Katherine passed away 3 years ago, also of cancer.)



At my Dad's funeral, the pastor read some passages from the Bible and some from my Dad's favorite book.  It's called "The Dash" by Linda Ellis.  It talks about the dates on your headstone.  There is your date of birth and the day that you died but what matters most is the "dash" between those dates.  It got me to thinking about my dash. My dash has held some great times and some not so great times.  Some fun times and some sad times. Wonderful dates are what that dash is made of.  September 21, 1996.  My wedding day.  October 12, 1999.  The day my son was born.  August 22 & 23, 2014.  What was so special about August 22 & 23, 2014?  August 22 was a Friday.  It was hot.  It was a "nothing special" kind of day.  I had been inducted onto the local homeless shelter board on June 2 of this year.  One of the Case Managers had sent an email asking if anyone had any furniture that they could donate to a couple of ladies who had gone through counseling and were ready to rebuild their lives.  They were moving into a small apartment and they needed everything to set up a house.  I had a kitchen table and 6 chairs, a hutch and a small cabinet that we had bought when my husband and I had gotten married and it was just taking up room in our garage.  I emailed the case manager back and said that I had those pieces to donate.  She said "Great!! You can deliver it at this address after 4:00 today."  I was like, OoooooKaaaaaaaaaaay. There goes our date night!!  I wasn't happy about it but when my husband got home from work, we loaded it all into the truck and headed to their apartment.  We got there and I knocked on the door.  I heard a voice say "Come in". We walked in and there were two ladies sitting in the floor.  I looked around the room for their belongings and all they had in that apartment was one lamp.  ONE LAMP!!  That's it!!  Nothing else!!  We started bringing in their kitchen table and chairs.  The kitchen was so small that only 3 chairs would fit but that was okay with them, they would have 3 chairs to use in the living room.  We brought in the hutch and had to put it in the living room.  The ladies were crying and thanking us and crying and thanking us.  For what??  All we did was bring them a table that we had bought 18 years ago at Rooms To Go but they were over the moon happy.  They had happy tears at our "generosity".  When in reality, it was just us getting rid of things that we no longer had any use for.  I asked that question.  I just had to ask that question.  The question that changed my life..."Do you have beds?".  They said, "No".  That answer cut like a knife.  They were so thrilled to have a table and chairs and the hutch and the small cabinet that they didn't realize that all of the color had drained from my face.  I got myself together and I don't know what made me say this but I just blurted out "I will be back tomorrow with 2 beds".  WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT??  I DON'T HAVE 2 BEDS!!!!  I went home and could not get those ladies off of my mind.  I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed feeling like the biggest heel in the entire world.  I was there in my king sized bed with my Pottery Barn bedding, super soft high thread count sheets and there were those women in that tiny apartment with NO BEDS.  No Pottery Barn bedding.  No sheets.  I couldn't stop thinking about them and the promise that I had made to them.  What am I going to do?  I told them that I would bring them beds tomorrow!!  Why did I say that???  So I began to pray.  "Dear God, Please provide me with a couple of beds.  It doesn't have to be tomorrow.  Just some time in the next week or so.  Just please provide me with 2 beds soon.  They will understand if it isn't tomorrow."  Well, the next morning was Saturday and my sister and I were supposed to meet at my Dad's house to clean out his closets.  I walk up to the garage door and punch in the code and as the garage door opens, something catches my eye.  Are you ready for this??         2 beds are in my Dad's garage.  What?  Where did those come from?  I picked up my cell phone and called my sister and asked where those beds had came from.  She said that she had bought a new bedroom suit for herself and for her daughter.  I just had to ask..."What are you going to do with them?"  She said, "I don't know but we need to get rid of them before we put Daddy's house on the market." I said, "Can I have them?" and she said "Yes. That would be great" because she wasn't sure what she was going to do with them.  So, my husband and I loaded them up on the truck, finished cleaning out Daddy's closet and drove back to that tiny apartment and knocked on the door.  The ladies recognized our truck and ran outside crying.  That was it!! I was a goner!!  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  This is my purpose in life!!  Those ladies thought that I was a blessing when, in truth, they were the blessing to me!!  Those ladies who had been homeless yesterday, had shown me what it is that I was put on this earth to do!! Of course, God had it all planned out already.  I have to give Him all of the credit but He used those, no longer, homeless women to show me what I was supposed to do with my life.  And so began what we now call Home Again Rehousing Program!!  Every time I have clients to move out of the shelter into permanent housing, I try to get furnishings and household items for them.  These people don't get shower gifts or housewarming parties like I did when I got started.  A simple can opener, a set of dishes, a cookie sheet, a casserole dish, a pasta strainer, etc. means so much to them!! They are beginning their new lives.  They have gone from hopeless, to homeless, to hope and now to housing. 

Here comes the exciting part.  I was having trouble coming up with beds for our clients.  I had tapped out my friends and family.  I went to our shelter director and told her that I was having trouble getting beds for these people.  She said to let her think about what to do.  The next day she called me and said that an organization was starting up in our community called "Heart for Monroe" and they wanted to help us.  They had asked what they could do for us.  She told them about my new project and they got excited.  They have now partnered with The Original Mattress Company to get us beds at a discounted rate for every new client moving into permanent housing!!  We have now set up numerous households with furniture, beds, bedding and kitchen supplies.  We are making their barren apartments into homes.

Before



After


Before


After


Before


After


Mark Twain once said, "The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why" and that is what makes all the difference in your life.  When you are a child, people often ask you what you want to be when you grow up.  I love to hear the little kids say "A fireman.  A nurse.  A doctor.  A veterinarian. A teacher.  A policeman." but your profession doesn't mean a thing if you haven't found your purpose. Go and find yours.

If you would like to help go to: http://www.unionshelter.org/
Watch the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otM2tOrf7Rk

Lesson #150,154-Romance isn't dead!! (In the animal kingdom)

Okay, So I have some good news, Ladies!!  Romance is not dead!!  Well, at least not in the animal kingdom.  Sitting in the quiet house with no television, radio or vacuum cleaner on, I can hear the songbirds singing their little hearts out.  Sounds I have never heard before.  The most beautiful singing that I have ever heard.  Those little male songbirds with their feathers all aglow with color and their songs ring through the trees searching for the perfect mate.  All male birds are more beautiful than their female counterparts.  From ducks to little finches, their colors are beautiful. It is meant to attract the ladies.  Lady birds.  I think human men should take notes from these birds.  I mean, I don't think men should dress in feathers and sing, unless you are a drag queen.  Of course, even straight women love a good drag show.  Maybe that's why we love a drag show!!


Why do men hate to dress up so much?  Women love to dress up in our sexy cocktail dresses and heels that we pay way too much for.  Women love makeup and our favorite day of the month is Hair Day!! The day we get to color our gray "plumes" back to our "natural" color.  When men turn gray and have laugh lines, they are considered "distinguished".  When they are distinguished and are dressed nicely, they are considered "dapper".  When women of a certain age are gray and have laugh lines, we are considered "aging" so we fight it tooth and nail with Botox, filler and hair dye.  Even having face lifts or neck lifts. Horrible laser treatments and chemical peels. When it comes to aging, women can be way more vain than our male counterparts. Trust me on this...aging women, such as myself, feel like we are falling apart at the seams.  Aging isn't for wimps!!  In my 20's, if I needed to lose a couple of pounds, I could lose them easily without working out like a mad woman.  Now, I have to work out just to maintain a certain weight.  Muscle isn't built easily.  Fat isn't lost easily.

My point is this, we would like to be wooed like the birds do for their mates, even when we have been together for over 20 years.  Bring me a bouquet of fresh flowers once in a while.  Surprise me with a day at the spa.  Write me a little note and leave it on my pillow.  Believe me, you don't have to sing.  As a matter of fact, please don't!! When we have the chance to go to an event that we have to dress a certain way, JUST DO IT!! I promise that all of us housewives don't expect our men to wear a seersucker suit and a bow tie every day but it would be nice to see our men in some khaki pants and a nice pair of Bucks occasionally.  If you aren't from The South, you probably don't know what Bucks are. Here in The South, a sure way to catch your ladies' eye is to wear a seersucker suit and a pair of Bucks.

I know that women can do better to make sure our mates know how we feel about them.  We get into our daily routines and running children hither and yon, but we would like some romance occasionally too.  Even when we have been married forever!! We all get in our ruts and have an unrealistic view of how marriage should be.  I blame this on Hollywood.  I'm sure that 200 years ago, women knew how married life would be.  Hollywood makes every fairytale romance look like it can be reality.  Let's all make a little more effort in our relationships.  Maybe just eating together in the dining room without cell phones or the TV on.  Maybe even just sitting and talking on the back porch with a cold drink. Let's bring back romance!!  It's not dead!!  Take notes from the birds!!

Lesson #150,153-Online Dating Explained by Someone Who Has Never Online Dated

Okay, So have y'all watched the show "Online Dating Rituals of the American Male" on Bravo Network?  All I can say is that there are some really crazy people out there and Thank God I am already married and not out in the dating world.  Of course, people who are around my age have some baggage so I feel terrible for my single friends.  Most people around my age have been married, have children to consider, have figured out who they are and what they want to do in life and have a good idea of who they are looking for.

Watching this show gives me a greater appreciation for already being married.  One poor guy met a "lady", and I use that word lightly, who was already drunk when he got to the date.  She was a vegetarian and he ordered ribs and in her drunken stupor she explained to him that her best friend as a child was a pig and talked about how her family killed her best friend and she had to eat him.  Of course, it went downhill from there. After reassuring her that he would order ribs from a pig who she wasn't familiar with, he ate his ribs and she drank some more.  She lit up a cigarette inside the restaurant and he wasn't a smoker.  Then she wanted to kiss him and he had to tell her "No, thanks". Poor guy!!

Another guy had set up multiple dates for the same evening and had planned on meeting another young lady later in the evening.  Date #2 showed up early for the date and crashed his date with Date #1.  His comment was "When has a girl ever shown up early for a date in the history of dating?".  Yeah, he's right.  I was never ready on time for a date.  Hair and makeup had to be as close to perfect as possible.

There are some crazy people out there.  Yep and they are ready to date!!  They may look totally normal online but be really crazy once you have ordered dinner!! My suggestion would be to meet for coffee before going to an expensive dinner when you are meeting someone for the first time.  You don't want to have to pay for a $39.99 Surf & Turf dinner with cocktails for someone who is crazy!!

Honestly, I would never want to be back in the dating world ever again.  I have a low tolerance for BS, crazy people and having to get used to another man's cologne.  My husband and I aren't perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect person or perfect marriage so he deals with my faults and I deal with his.  My biggest complaint is that my husband doesn't turn his socks and Tshirts the right way before he puts them in the clothes hamper.  His biggest complaint about me is that I am forgetful.  I have had Mommy Brain for 15 years.  I can remember the words to a song that I haven't heard in 20 years but I cannot remember to pay the insurance bill when I promised to do it "tomorrow".  I literally pass the insurance office when I pull out of my neighborhood.  How did I forget that??

Another reason I wouldn't want to be in the dating world is google.  Now people can google you!!  There is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and I am a blogger so I actually put "my crazy" online for everyone to read!! 

There is always going to bars and meeting people but who wants to do that?  I mean, I want to go to bed at a decent hour. Maybe that's why Happy Hour is around 4:00 in the afternoon.  It's for the over 40 crowd so the singles can meet up and have dinner and get home before 9:00pm!!

Singles could always meet someone at church but everyone is usually on their best behavior at church so you don't really know who that person is until you see them outside of church.  Even then, they may not be themselves because they don't want you to tell anyone at church how they really act outside of church.

So, there ya go.  That's why people online date.  I have never looked at an online dating site, for obvious reasons, but if I had to create a profile I would probably put my best pictures online, maybe fudge my age by a few years, add a little to my education, make my life seem a little more exciting than it really is and then wait for a "wink".  Yeah.  I would suck at that!! 

Thank you, God, for my husband!!

Lesson #150,152-What's A Mom To Wear??

Okay, So what is a Mom to wear?  Now, we can all get tips on what NOT to wear when we go to Walmart.  Just sit on a bench near the checkout and you will be amazed at what people wear in that place.  Hopefully, we all know that pajamas and fuzzy slippers are not appropriate for leaving the house and going shopping.  Okay, you can wear them if you go to Walmart but if you are going to Target or the grocery store, please leave the Hello Kitty pjs on the floor in your bedroom. 

Moms are constantly being picked on about Mom jeans and yoga pants.  If it were up to me, I would live in my yoga pants and my favorite long sleeved tee shirts.  My high fashion consists of Guy Harvey and Vineyard Vines Tees.  My "Mom Jeans" are from American Eagle, $30, and they don't look like Mom Jeans.  My favorite shoes are my 5 year old, well-worn Sperry topsiders.  I look at some Moms in carpool line and they usually look much like I do.  Some have played tennis and have their tight shorts on and their butts look amazing. Some have taught exercise classes all day and they look amazing in their yoga pants.  Some Moms have just left court and have been litigating cases all day and they look great!! Some Moms are in their yoga pants and a side pony and rock it.  Let me clear one thing up.  My yoga pants have never been to yoga.  I just love them!! Now, I do Pilates and dance in them. (Dance=until this pro/am dance competition is over and then I will be back to Pilates only!!)  Some Moms just look like a hot mess.  Usually I am one of them.  I am going to work on this.

Okay, so what are we supposed to wear without being judged?  I refuse to dress up to go to carpool, the grocery store and Target.  I watch reality TV and see these ladies on "The Real Housewives of..." all around town in cocktail dresses, full makeup, eyelashes and hair curled.  Not a ball cap in sight!!  Let's settle on something comfortable.  I am, by no means, someone to be giving out style advice but maybe I can help moms spruce up their wardrobes with a few simple tips.  Again, just to be clear, we don't need to wear heels and be uncomfortable to look good.  We can wear a solid colored tee with an inexpensive thin cardigan (from Gap Outlet) over it to look a little nicer than just the tee.  A white tee and a white collared shirt are your best friends.  Everyone looks great in a crisp white collared shirt, no matter what size you are!! You can throw a scarf around your neck if there is a chill in the air and look great. Something like this:

Or this:


In the summer, we can wear things like this:

Or this:

I am short so I don't have some of the options that some of my tall readers have so here are a few tips for us "Shorties".  "Petite" women should never wear long skirts.  It makes us look 6 inches shorter.  We should not wear Bermuda shorts.  We should not wear bell bottomed jeans, no matter what real stylists tell us!!  Some of us petite girls are told not to wear Capri pants.  I disagree a little bit.  If they are longer capris, they don't look good on us.  If they are calf length capris, those are fine.  Shorter shorts make our legs look longer!!  We can create that illusion of being tall, even though we are not.  I can't wear long dresses or skirts.  Tall girls can rock those cute Maxi dresses.  We cannot!!  Y'all tall girls, just go on with your bad selves!!  Us short girls will be in our short skirts and dresses. 

We don't have to "dress up" to look nice.  Invest in a nice belt.  I bought a belt from Gap years ago that I only paid $30 for and I wear that thing all the time.  A nice leather belt will usually set you back over $80 but if you think about it, you will wear it with nearly everything from shorts, jeans, capris or even over a cute dress.  Spend a little money on your belt and get a good one.  You can buy less expensive sandals at TJ Maxx or Target to set off your look.

Now, even though I am short, I hate wearing heels unless I am at an event or church.  It isn't practical to wear heels when you are a mother who works at home.  Chasing around children in 6 inch heels is impossible.  Plus, wearing them to the soccer field will ruin the heels!!  Save your heels for church, charity events or maybe even date night!!

Buy some inexpensive jewelry from a downtown boutique or even a vintage store.  Some of the jewelry that my mother wore in the 70's is still in style now.  Layer small bracelets or a silver cuff to dress up an outfit.  Most moms can't afford real gold earrings so just be sure to buy "gold" earrings with sterling posts.  That will make you look great without the expensive price tag.  As the saying goes, fake it 'til you make it!! You don't need a string of $5,000 pearls.  You can get the $20 string and nobody will know the difference.  Here in the South, a string of pearls is an essential part of your jewelry box.  You can raid your mother's jewelry box and find a string.  If they need restringing, you can buy a cheap skinny ribbon and restring them yourself and tie a bow at the end.  Restring them in any color ribbon to go with any outfit.  Simply tie a small knot in the end and roll them onto the next color of ribbon.  Easy!! Also, friends can help with jewelry.  Trade a few necklaces and earring for a month and make a new style!!  Borrowing and trading can be fun!!

Okay, so I hope this helps.  Now, don't judge me if you see me in carpool line with my ball cap on and NO PEARLS!!!  Much love to all of you Moms who work so hard every day!! Your work can often be overlooked unless it is not done.

Lesson #150,151-Stop Me Before I Volunteer Again!!!

Okay, So I have a problem.  It is a very serious problem.  I am not sure if it is in any medical dictionary.  I am not sure if it is physical or mental. (Probably mental!!)  I have a problem saying "No".  It's an easy word to say, right?  It's only 2 letters.  It's not hard to enunciate.  It's something that other people have no problem saying.  I can use it in a sentence but I cannot use it as an answer to being asked for a favor.  What is wrong with me??

Would you like to be on the decoration committee for the UA Charity Auction?  "Yes, of course, I would be glad to help."  Would you like to be on the decorations committee for the Union County Community Shelter?  "Yes, of course, I would be glad to help."  Oops, the committee chair has to drop out.  Do you mind being the decorations committee chairperson?  "Yes, of course, I would be glad to help."  Do you mind helping with the Red Cross Ball?  "Yes, of course, I would be glad to help."  Do you want to dance in a pro/am dance competition for the Union County 4-H Foundation?  "Umm.  Well, I am not a dancer."  But, you have to.  You cannot say no.  You have to say yes!!  "Yes, of course, I would be glad to help."  What was I thinking????  Not only do I have to dance in front of a panel of judges but I have to take dance lessons twice a week, learn the routine, buy some dance shoes, wear a dress that is sassy enough to do the Cha Cha in, sell tickets, get people to vote for me, solicit sponsors (which I am terrible at.  I will go into that later.) and arrange for my friends to come and cheer me on!!  All of this while having a teenager who plays soccer in Charlotte twice a week, a husband who likes a hot meal for dinner every night, going to the gym twice a week to get my body in shape, buy proper "underpinnings" (which I will also go into later.), spray tan and get my toenails and fingernails done (before flip flop weather.) and get my eyelashes, hair and makeup done the day of the dance competition.

Now, let's talk about soliciting sponsors.  This is my weakness.  I never mind giving to a charity, going to fundraisers and spending money on auction items or making a monetary donation.  I never mind serving food at the local homeless shelter.  I actually love doing that.  I never mind being on a decorating committee but ASKING FOR MONEY!!  Kill me now!!!  The way that this competition works is, really, the best dancer may not win but the person who raises the most money wins.  Now, if I am going to dance in front of 200 people, I want to dance better than everyone else!!  So, I want to win!!!  I don't want to be in last place!!  My sales pitch needs editing.  It goes something like this: "Umm, Hi.  I'm Colette Bromfield.  I am trying to raise money for the Union County 4-H Foundation and I am doing a, sort of, "Dancing with the Stars" competition.  If you would like to sponsor me in the competition, I would appreciate it so much.  If not, that's okay.  Really.  Don't feel obligated to do so.  Ya know what?  I'm sorry for asking.  Never mind."  When really I am thinking "I spend a lot of money at your place of business or I send you lots of business so you really need to sponsor me!!"

Now, let's talk about "underpinnings".  My wonderful friend, who is a dance instructor is allowing me to borrow a dress that she probably spent well over $2000 on.  It fits, thank God, but it is very low cut in the back so my "go to" strapless bra won't work.  I need to find a bra that crosses very low in the back or get one of those "stick on" bras.  If you have ever worn one of those stick on bras, you know how weird those things feel.  Then there's my butt!!  I have recently lost about 30 pounds and I think most of it was in my butt!!  I ordered a pair of panties with "booty pads" sewn in them.  Most people have trouble with having a booty that is too big but mine is too small and this dress accentuates my flat booty!!  Hence, the booty padded panties!!

My toenails haven't been painted since November so they are looking pretty bad.  My dance instructor has asked me several times if I am going to get those things done before the competition.  I have assured him that I will.  I haven't had a manicure in a year so my fingernails are of varying lengths so he is concerned about that too!!  I don't want to do the press on nails because, knowing me, one would pop off during the dance and I would probably step on it with my dance shoes and bust my rear end in front of everyone!!  Yes, that would be funny but I am already nervous enough so I suppose I will get some gel nails put on by a professional.  I also need big hair and big makeup.  If you know me well, you know that I only wear makeup on days that I absolutely have to.  I do not leave the house without mascara and chapstick!! I mean, I do have standards!!  My daily uniform consists of yoga pants, a T-shirt and a ponytail.  (I have always said that even if I was a multimillionaire I would just have better T-shirts!!)

Okay, so here is my new spill to all of my readers:
If you enjoy my blog and have a few extra dollars, please throw me a few votes.  You get 10 for $10 but feel free to buy as many votes as you can afford. (It's a tax deductible donation.) Go to the website and vote for Colette Bromfield and Jason Manus.  Here is the link:
http://donate.union4hfoundation.com/product.sc;jsessionid=D868A8446E491E19560ADE43A75AD9B2.m1plqscsfapp05?productId=30&categoryId=1



I need your help!!  Thank you all for your votes and keep them coming!!  I have a couple of people who are great fundraisers and who do not take NO for an answer that I am going up against in this competition.  I will keep you informed of how I do in the competition.  It is on March 22.  I am quite sure that there will be a blog all about the funny moments and if I can figure out how to do it, I will post a video of the dance on my blog.

Love to you all!!  Now go and vote for me NOW!!!

Lesson 15,150-Aging Parents

Okay, so I have entered a new chapter in my life.  It's the hard part of life that everyone will eventually face.  In our 40's, we have our own children and families to take care of, friends who are in need of support and the part of our lives where we have aging parents.  In the past couple of months, I have attended a few funerals of people who I never even knew but they were one of my friend's parents and I had to be there for my friends, while also taking care of my family and aging parent.  Some of us are blessed to still have parents that are in good health at 90-something and some of us have parents who are 60-something and in failing health. This is tough.  So, in between taking care of our families, we make time for our parents who are aging and make casseroles for friends who have lost a parent.  We drive our children to soccer practice and drop off a casserole.  We go to the grocery store and run an errand for a friend in need.  We go to the doctor because at 40+ our bodies are falling apart and we need mammograms and colonoscopies and start having blood pressure problems and then we go to our parents house and fill up their medicine boxes for the week.  We take our parents to the doctor and pick up kids from school.  Some days we don't even get our beds made because we have so many things to do.  Some of us work and still manage to find time to do all of these things and still make time to bake a cake for a friend.  It's almost humorous the things that we find time to do with everything going on.  We have to find humor in these crazy times in our lives.  Throw in a load of laundry, take a shower, put the clothes in the dryer, go pick up the kids, restart the dryer, help with homework, restart the dryer, cook dinner, restart the dryer, get the kids ready for bed, restart the dryer, take my nighttime meds, load the dishwasher and go to bed.  Wake up in the morning, restart the dryer, take the kids to school, restart the dryer, call you sick parent, finally fold the clothes in the dryer.

Some of us have elderly parents or elderly in-laws who live with us.  I have tried to get one of my friends to write a blog about her "Adventures With Mom" but she won't but boy does she have some good ones. You have to see her act out what her Mom does for it to be funny.  Her Mom is a hoot and she doesn't even realize it!! She is in her 80's so she lived through a lot of things in her life.  She has lived through lots of Presidents, wars, the Civil Rights era and Women's Lib.  She has probably washed clothes on a washing board and couldn't figure out how to use her daughter's high-tech washing machine.  She lived before TV's were in every room. She lived when there weren't phones in everyone's home and before cell phones.  She probably doesn't know how to turn on a computer.  She probably sat around a radio and listened to The Lone Ranger.  She probably listened to Frank Sinatra on a scratchy record player.  Her Mom has to be a tough to have lived this long but she is getting frail and needs supervision. Same thing with lots of our aging parents.

My Dad is in his early 70's and has health issues.  Everyone will tell you how sweet he is and how much they love him and he has tons of friends but if he needs something, he only wants his daughters there to take care of him.  Getting him to understand medical jargon is up to me.  Getting to understand his finances is up to my sister. He takes medicines which have side effects so he has to take another medicine for a side effect and then that medicine causes him to have another issue.  Tack on surgery to that and then there is another side effect and more medications to combat all of those side effects.  He gets dehydrated easily which effects his kidneys.  His kidney tests are high and he doesn't understand that because he has never had problems with his kidneys.  Then he takes a medication for diabetes and it has side effects on the kidneys. He has to take fluid pills and that has side effects on his kidneys.  His feet are swollen and he won't keep them propped up and argues with me when I try to explain that gravity is not his friend when he has fluid built up so he has to keep them elevated above his heart.  That just makes him angry to have to sit around with his feet propped up and sleep with his feet elevated.  Then he needs to eat more protein so he calls me every 2 hours to see if it is okay to eat something like peanut butter or bacon.  Salt isn't your friend when you have fluid overload but he likes bacon and he likes grits with salt so he's going do what he wants to do and then complains about the fluid!!!  "Well, Daddy, the swelling won't go down if you don't keep those feet up and lower your salt intake!!"  And at what age do you start counting your bowel movements every day?  "If you have one, Daddy, you're fine!!" If he has only one, he gets worried that he is constipated.  If he has three or more, he's worried that he has diarrhea.  So, I pray that he has 2 every day!!  I'm quite sure that I will do whatever I want to do when I am in my 70's!!  If I live to be 73, and I want bacon and my sodium level is high and I have fluid on my ankles, I am still going to eat bacon!!!  Then I am going to call my son and ask him why my feet are swelling!!

We have to find humor in our aging parents!!  We have to be there for our friends when a parent passes away.  Nothing meant more to me than looking over and seeing 2 rows of beautiful ladies at my stepmother's funeral.  (She was my Mom for 24 years. My Mom died in a car accident when I was 9-years old so Katherine was my mom for much longer than my real Mom.  Of course, I will always love my real Mom and Katherine because she treated me as her own.  She saw me graduate, get married and have my son. She wiped my tears when my heart got broken.  She gave me advice about life and she was always right!!!  Of course, I didn't think she was as smart as she really was until I was about 25-years old and then I realized that she wasn't stupid!!  She was right!!)  We have to be there for our family.  We drive kids hither and yon.  We help with impossible school projects.  We cheer for them at sporting events in the freezing cold and the scorching heat.  We have to keep the house and clothes clean, no matter how many times we restart the dryer.  We have to take care of our spouses.  We have to be there for our siblings. We have to be there for friends, family and loved ones.  We have to do things to better our community.  We have to make sure our children know that not everyone lives like they do.  There are people who have it way better and way worse.  That's Life!

This time of life is definitely the hardest. Being there for everyone is tough and sometimes a juggling act.  If you find time for a little exercise and a nap occasionally, don't be hard on yourself.  Take some time for you!!  I need a manicure and pedicure really bad so I am a little bit glad that it is winter because my toenails look horrid!!  My eyebrows look like a caveman and my wrinkles have not been Botoxed in quite some time!!  Sorry, I look like this but I've been taking care of  "My People"!!