Life Lesson #15,010-If you are lucky enough to be American, You're lucky enough.

Life Lesson #15,010-If you are lucky enough to be American, you're lucky enough.
No matter which side of the aisle you may be on.  You may be Conservative, moderate or liberal.  You may be Republican or Democrat. You may bleed Red or Blue.  Either way, if you live in America, you are blessed.  The poorest people in our country would be wealthy in some other countries.  People have died trying to get here. People would die to send their children here.  We have freedoms here that most countries can only wish for.  We can have our own opinions about politics or religion without the fear of a government officer coming to arrest us or worse. No wonder so many people want to come here.  It is the land of the free and home of the brave.

Watching the RNC last night made me think about these things. As Americans, we should be so proud to live in this country.  We should never apologize for our freedoms.  We should be proud to have the military personnel that we have to protect us both domestically and abroad.  (If you don't stand behind our military, by all means, stand in front of them.)  Everyone in America has the opportunity to go to school.  Public schools in some foreign countries are not free.  They actually pay tuition to go to a public school.  Not here.  We have fire departments and police service.  We even have the Department of Homeland Security to keep us safe. We have an FDA to keep our pharmaceuticals and food safe.  We have the FAA to keep us safe when we fly.  We have the DOT to keep us safe when we drive. The list goes on and on.  My point is that the USA does take care of us well.

Let's all be proud and hang our flags and go to parades and most important, get out and vote!! It is your right.  No matter the political party, go VOTE!!  Never take it for granted.

Life Lesson #15,009-Winning The Lottery Would Not Change Me

Life Lesson #15,009-Winning The Lottery Would Not Change Me
What happens to people when they come into a lot of money?  Why are so many of them bankrupt within a few years?  I mean, seriously, how does this happen?  You see it all of the time.  Someone wins the lottery or stops getting millions per year for their sports contracts and they are in the poor house.  Do they just go crazy?  That would never happen to me, right?  Or would it?  If I won millions in the lottery I would definitely have to have a beach house.  Then I would have a buyer from Pottery Barn come and furnish and decorate the house.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Pottery Barn!!! I could go into any Pottery Barn and buy anything I wanted without having to ask how much it costs!! OH YEAH!! That would be my dream!!  I don't have to go to some fancy furniture store with outrageous prices if I could just afford anything I wanted from Pottery Barn. I have actually looked at the Pottery Barn website and put everything that I wanted in the "Cart".  Hahahaha!! They sent me emails reminding me of the items that were still in my "Cart" the next day!!  I bet they did want that sale!! Oh Boy, did they want that sale!!  I had beds, living room furniture, side tables, bed linens and the very best pillows that you could ever buy. Sure do wish I could have "Checked Out"!

But seriously, what else would I not be able to live without if I won the lottery?  Hmmm.  Yep, I'm good with just the beach house.  No, wait.  If I had a beach house then I would need a Jeep to keep at the beach.  My husband would want me to buy him a red Porsche.  Should I or shouldn't I?  Okay, I will buy him one of those.  But that's it!!!  Wait, my son would want a house in the mountains.  We would have to get one of those. Then I would need a nice Range Rover to drive when we are there.  So the Range Rover and the mountain house, the Jeep, the Porsche and the beach house and all of the Pottery Barn furniture for BOTH houses now that I have 2 vacation homes.  But that's it!!  What about a really big house here at home though?  Yes!! And, of course, I need Pottery Barn to come and outfit my new house.  Then we will need a pool, pool house, tennis court, basketball court and soccer field.  Of course, I may need a new wardrobe, new Christian Louboutin shoes and some of those Birkin bags. Some of those Birkin bags are over $100,000.  I think since I am a new millionaire I will not buy those.  I will just buy one of the $25,000 bags. Ya know, the cheaper version. Oh and then I will need a convertible Mercedes-Benz to drive around town and to the mall.  Oh, maybe I should get one of those Maserati's.  Yes, I will get a blue Maserati!! I love being Nuveau Riche!! Hmm.  Maybe I am running low on money.  I better check.  Yep.  I need to call the bank because I have an NSF check to the Maserati dealership!!  See, I am broke already!!

Maybe God should let someone else win that lottery!  I may be one of those homeless people who were once filthy rich!!  I guess I figured it out.  It really is possible to win the lottery and go bankrupt fairly quickly!!

Today's Life Lesson #15,008-White Jeans

Today's Life Lesson #15,008-White Jeans
If you see me anytime in the next few days I will probably be wearing my favorite pair of white skinny jeans.  Apparently, I am not allowed to wear them after Monday because it is Labor Day and being that I am a Southern Belle and always, always, always follow proper Southern Etiquette (wink,wink), I must put them away until Easter, the first day of spring or Memorial Day. (I will use whichever comes first!!)  This is the one piece of etiquette that I would like to throw out the window along with my friends Katheryn, Morrow and Hayden!! They keep me in line every year and make sure that I know what time of year it is. My white skinny jeans are my favorites!! They actually look good on me and I do "appear" to be skinny in them.  I think Emily Post must have been naturally skinny or morbidly obese because if she looked great in white skinny jeans, she would not have made up such an asinine rule of etiquette and then put it in that dumb book.  Now there are some designers who still make white pants and shoes for the winter and call them "Winter White".  That is a crock because winter white is just as white as summer white nowadays.  Why is this the one rule that we must cling onto when there are teenage girls wearing shirts that do not cover their belly buttons to church?  Obviously, we have bigger fish to fry. I think that should be the #1 Rule of Etiquette! No midriffs at church!  Oh and No Bra Straps Showing either!!  I don't care if you are wearing those clear shoulder straps...I CAN STILL SEE THEM!! 

I think it is discrimination against anything below the waist to not be able to wear white.  I mean, I am allowed to wear white shirts!  White shirts are never off limits.  Just white skinny jeans! (And shorts and belts and shoes but you get my drift. Right?)  Just look at how fabulous these models look in white jeans:


It must be a Southern thing because I see some ladies with boots on in these pics and you know that you aren't supposed to wear boots until the first day of fall!  You know that girl is a Yankee!! Seriously, why do we care what Emily Post said?  She has been dead long enough for us to cut loose and stop following her rules. Right??  Who's with me?? Let's rebel!! It's an election year so there will be many protests going on in the coming months.  People may not even notice if we wear our white skinny jeans!! My vote is not for RED or BLUE this year!! It's for WHITE!!!  (Skinny jeans that is!!) Life Lesson for today is White Skinny Jeans Rock!!

Life Lesson #15,007-Let's Talk About Camping

Life Lesson #15,007-Let's Talk About Camping.
Okay, I am probably gonna hear it about this one but I don't care.  Camping stinks!!  I know. I know.  Some of you love camping.  Some of you go to the mountains and pitch tents and have a great time.  Some of you go to the beach in RV's or 5th wheels and camp in those large campgrounds and love it. I, however, hate camping.  I grew up camping in those campers in the big campgrounds. I have slept in a tent outside before.  God, please don't ever let me be homeless because I hated camping and that is the closest thing to being homeless that I can think of.  I mean, in a camper you sleep on the kitchen table. Then in the morning you get to put the table back together and eat where you just slept.  Then you have to put the "living room" back together because the kids slept on the bed/couch/coffee table.  Oh and the worst part is that there is NO HOUSEKEEPER!!!  Of course, you can sleep as late as you want to because housekeeping won't be knocking on your door.  Then again, if one person in the camper or tent is up, then you all are going to be up!

I'm not high maintenance but...well, I take that back. I may be a little higher maintenance than I used to be.  Roughing it, for me, is The Hampton Inn.  I want someone to come by my room and bring me fresh towels and make the beds and clean the bathrooms.  That isn't totally accurate either.  I totally make my own beds even in hotels because I like hospital corners.  If you have ever been taught the proper way to make a bed, it MUST be made that way!!  Of course, the maids usually come back and "correct" my bed making to their "totally wrong" way of bed making! Hee Hee!!  I do love a nicely made bed!!  See, that's why I don't camp.  You can't "make up" a couch or kitchen table or sleeping bag like you can a nice bed.

When I am on vacation, I want to eat out.  I don't want to cook in a miniature kitchen, on a miniature stove and a miniature oven.  I don't want to go to a bathhouse to take a shower because the hot water heater only holds 4 gallons.  I want a hot shower even after 3 other people have taken a shower.  I want to relieve myself in a bathroom that I cannot touch the toilet, sink and shower with one hand at the same time. I like bedrooms.  They don't have to be large and luxurious but the little people need to go to their bedroom and the older people need to go to theirs.  Not for hanky panky but for sleep!! If you have ever slept in a room with more than one child you know what I mean.

Okay, here's the deal.  I am not woman enough to camp.  To all of my very dear friends who love it, Have At It!! That's what makes the world go around.  I am bracing myself for your comments...EEK!!

Life Lesson 15,006-Embrace Your Age

Life Lesson 15,006-Embrace Your Age.
And by that I don't mean we have to embrace gray hair and wrinkles.  Color your hair, get Botox or a face lift if you feel the need but we should embrace whatever stage we are in life.  I remember being in high school and thinking that I couldn't wait until I graduated and was on my own and could do anything that I wanted to do.  What was I thinking?  Why didn't I just embrace being 16-years old?  I mean, Daddy paid the bills.  I didn't have to worry about anything other than studying and what I was going to wear to school the next day.  End of list!!  When I finally was "on my own" and had to worry about paying for my car, telephone, electricity, food, clothing, etc. I found out really quickly that it wasn't so great!  When I turned 30, I thought it was the end of the world.  I had a really hard time with 30.  I wasn't in my 20's anymore.  I had to grow up and be mature!! Who wants to do that??  Once I turned 40, I was much better equipped for life.  I began not letting every little thing in life bother me.  I stopped caring if someone was talking about me because I embraced my flaws. I will never be 5'7".  Who cares?  I will never be a size 0.  Who cares?  I'm never going to have a filter on my mouth.  Who cares?  Well, maybe I need to work on that one a little bit.  My point is that Life is Good so why do we let what others think of us bother us? I wouldn't trade my stretch marks and muffin top for the life that they brought into the world.  They are just battle scars of child birth!  TOWANDA!!

Let's all stop worrying about what others think of us.  Apologize if you need to.  If not, then let the haters hate.  I wish I could get into young people's heads and give them the knowledge that life does get better.  Just because you aren't in the cool crowd in high school doesn't mean that you are not somebody in life.  Yes, your heart will get broken but that just prepares you for the one who would never break your heart.  People are going to talk about you but that just means that you are relevant. Love doesn't hurt.  Love feels good.  Your true friends will never hurt you.  They will build you up when you feel low.  Love happens.  Sadness happens.   Not everyone is going to like you.  You won't be great at everything you try.  Disappointment happens.  People will let you down.  Find your joy in life and pursue it. Enjoy whatever stage in life you are in.  There will be good points to each stage in life and as long as they outweigh the bad, then you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  Learn from your mistakes and don't make them over and over. "Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement"!! Embrace life now!!

Life Lesson #15,005-Men Think Women Are Crazy

Life Lesson #15,005-Men Think Women are Crazy
Ladies, Our husbands think that we are crazy.  Why is that?  Men are basic creatures.  Most of them need few things in life.  My husband could care less about new clothes, new shoes or any luxury in life. Give him shelter, food and you know what and he is perfectly happy. His idea of "shelter" and mine are very different.  He would hang towels from the windows and call them "drapes".  He got mad at me the other day for spending money at TJ Maxx.  I purchased new sheets for the guest room because the fitted sheet on that bed had a rip at the bottom where the elastic meets the sheet.  He thought that was asinine to buy new sheets.  I suppose he would just lay down towels on the bed too, if he weren't married to me.  Oh and rugs, who needs them?  We could just throw down towels for that too!! 

But really, do we give men ammunition to think that we are crazy?  Men have less than 7 pairs of shoes.  They have black dress shoes, black casual shoes, brown dress shoes, brown casual shoes, a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of flip flops. Then some men have a pair of work boots. Am I right?  Women on the other hand have black dress shoes but we have black leather, black patent leather, black high heel, black wedge heel, black flats, black suede, black strappy, black strappy formal, black satin, black satin bejeweled...then we go to brown, then taupe, gray, sand, navy, white, red...You get my drift?  Oh and then we put on make-up.  We put on lipstick and then we blot it off.  We pluck our eyebrows and then pencil them back in.  Maybe we ARE the crazy ones!!  I don't think we are crazy, I just think we like things to be nice, whether it be our homes, our children, our husbands or ourselves.  We like to look nice. We like to smell nice.  We like nice things. What's wrong with that?

And what about drama?  Men do not have any drama in their lives.  They may cause drama but they don't worry about it for one minute!  If you ask a man "What's wrong?" and they say, "Nothing", then nothing is wrong.  If you ask a woman "What's wrong?" and she says "Nothing" then she is probably pissed off.  If a man has a problem with another man, they will either talk about it or fight about it and then it's over.  I see it with my 12-year old son.  He and his friend will punch each other in the eye and 2 minutes later they are playing football.  Nooooo, not women, Honey!! We hold grudges!! I still remember a girl being mean to me in the 3rd grade and I still hate her!!   I don't care if she is a missionary in Africa, eating rice and beans every day, digging wells and teaching poor children how to read.  She was mean to me in 3rd grade!!!

Ladies & Gentlemen, Let's just agree to disagree. Face it...Men think we are crazy!!

Life Lesson #15,004-Lies I tell my personal trainer.

Life Lesson #15,004-Lies I Tell My Personal Trainer.  You know that you all have done it.  Whether or not you have lied to a personal trainer, you have definitely lied to someone because you didn't want to be somewhere.  You know it's true.  Here are a few lies I have told my personal trainer because honestly, I just wanted to go back to bed in most cases.

#1 I have my period and I don't feel well because I am losing so much blood.  Truth:  I have an IUD and I haven't had a period in 5 years!!
#2 I have a flat tire.  Truth:  I have never been fortunate enough to have a flat tire on a day that I have personal training.  Believe me I have ran over glass, nails, sticks, boards and scrap metal in the road trying to puncture my tires!
#3 My Botox needs time to settle. Truth:  Now y'all already know that I get Botox but it doesn't take 3 days to settle.
#4 I'm stuck in traffic. Truth:  I am so comfortable on this couch and don't want to miss Matt Lauer's next segment on the Today Show.
#5 I can't find my purse and my car keys are in it.  Truth:  I am looking directly at my purse and car keys. I would rather go back to bed this morning.
#6 I drank too much last night and I am feeling nauseous.  Truth:  I only drank water with lime in it so people would think I was having a cocktail.
#7 I have to go to a closing at my attorney's office and I am not sure how long it will take.  Truth:  I know how long it will take and I know that it only takes 5 minutes to sign a couple of papers and then I will be free for the morning since I don't have to go to the gym.
#8 The fire alarm went off and now I have to wait on the firemen to get here before I can leave.  Truth:  This really happened yesterday but it is a great excuse to use today.
#9 I have an upset stomach.  It may be the stomach flu.  Truth:  I really want to go to the mall with my BFF because Nordstrom is having their Half Yearly Sale and if you say "stomach flu" nobody wants to be around you!!
#10 I have a mandatory meeting with my son's math teacher.  Truth:  I am meeting a friend (who used to teach math) at the Waffle House for some eggs that are smothered, covered and chunked!!

Now, I think that my trainer knows that I am lying every time but she is too sweet to say that she knows.  Yes, I know it is wrong to lie.  Yes, I know that it is breaking one of the Ten Commandments.  I just can't help myself sometimes.  I have to lie because my trainer has a 24-hour cancellation policy.  If it's not an emergency she will charge you for the session!! Honey, she don't play!! I just realized that she is a "Friend" on Facebook therefore she has seen pics of me at Nordstrom shopping and she knows that I was really eating at Waffle House because my other "Friend" posted pics of our 10,000 calorie breakfast.  I'm waiting on her to bust me on my next lie.  I've really got to come up with some more good ones.  I think I have used all the ones that normal people use.  I'm going to have to Google some more lies to tell her because she wants me to ride that crazy bike before my workout on Friday.  Y'all help!!  So my Life Lesson for today really is: Don't tell lies to your personal trainer and then post pics that could incriminate yourself on social media!!

Today's Life Lesson #15,003-Aging isn't for wimps.

Life Lesson #15,003-Aging isn't for wimps.   What is the deal with with the skin under my neck?  It used to be so tight and smooth and where it is supposed to be!! Now I have a turkey neck!! "They" say the neck is the first thing to go on a woman.  And how about my upper arms?  When I wave at you with my hand, it looks like I'm waving with my upper arm too! I have 2 hairs that grow out of my chin like eyelashes! Don't even get me started on this belly fat that won't go away!! When I was 20-years old I could eat anything I wanted, drink anything I wanted, never exercise, sleep for 2 hours at night and still look good! Now I can't even look at a cupcake without gaining 5 pounds.  I can't drink soda and have a flat tummy.  I exercise 3-4 days per week and still can't get those rock hard abs.  I can't remember anything.  I may or may not be hormonal.  I'm not sure. I can't tell right now.  Yes, I am.  No, I'm not. Anyway, I used to laugh at my grandparents for going to bed at 7:00PM but now it seems like a really good idea!!  Oh and naps are a real treat!!

Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the opportunity to grow old gracefully, but it ain't gonna happen!  Yes, I color my hair every 6 weeks.  Yes, I get Botox every couple of months.  Yes, I bleach my age spots. Is it wrong to fight it tooth and nail?  Women absolutely hate showing signs of aging.  Why do you think every other commercial on TV is about aging, age spots, wrinkle reducer, hair color or some other product for the "Golden Years".  "Golden Years" my eye!! Why do "they" call it the "Golden Years"?  It should be the Rusty Years!  Let's just be honest.  Aging isn't for wimps!!

Why is aging easier for men?  They get gray hair and laugh lines and they are "Distinguished"! What a crock!  I get gray hair and laugh lines and I am old?  I mean, who set that standard?  Yep, probably a woman! I told you, we hate aging!!

Okay Ladies, Let's band together and fight this battle together!! We're tough!! We can handle it!! Onward!! Upward!!  Okay, I'm tired already.  Who else wants a nap?  Let's do that now and the fight thing later...

I saw this and thought it summed it up:  (Sorry for the bad word, but it's funny.)

Life Lesson 15,002-Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here

Life lesson 15,002.  Martha Stewart doesn't live here.  Honestly, haven't we all watched her show or picked up her magazine and thought, "How does she do it?".  I mean, the woman is a gourmet cook, interior designer, seamstress, farmer, landscape architect, has her own TV series and magazine, she does segments on all the morning shows and to top it all off she is a mom.  Okay, so her daughter is grown but still!  If Martha Stewart walked up to my front door, she would probably be appalled because my plants on the front porch are not lush. They look more like wilted shells of a formerly beautiful plant.  Oh and the cobwebs.  Who has time to pressure wash or even take the broom outside and whisk the cobwebs down?  Actually, who even thinks about cobwebs?  If Martha wasn't frightened away by the cobwebs and wilted plants and made it into the front door, she would probably turn and run when she came into the front entry.  Do you know that I still have scarves and winter hats hanging on my coat rack? Then my new rug is always askew even though I put down the slip-proof mat.  Then there is my horrid attempt at decorating.  I love all things Pottery Barn.  I just can't seem to make my home decor look as effortless as they do.  Anyway, if Martha came into my kitchen she would not find a freshly baked cake or cookies or pies or any other confection.  We do, however, have some Chips Ahoy cookies and Lay's potato chips. I bet Martha's house always smells of wonderful baked goods.  I bet Martha doesn't have cobwebs on her front porch.  I bet Martha's rug in her entry is not askew.  Oh and I bet Martha folds her scarves perfectly and puts them away into some perfectly arranged closet along with her coats and hats and mittens and winter boots and...Did I mention that Martha Stewart doesn't live here?

Our homes may not be as fabulously decorated or perfectly arranged or feverishly cleaned or smell of fresh baked cookies but I bet more people love me than love that perfect Martha Stewart.  My home is lived in.  My home is enjoyed.  My home is always open and welcomes my friends and family at any time.  If you don't mind the mess, then we don't mind having you.  There will be crumbs on the floor.  There will be mail piled on the desk in the kitchen. There will be a dish in the sink. There will be cobwebs and untidy scarves on my coat rack.  We actually LIVE here.  Our children won't remember how clean our house was but they will remember how much fun they had here.  Let's not feel guilty if we don't have a meat, 3 vegetables, a bread and a fresh baked dessert for dinner tonight.  We can have PB&J's and be happy.  Let's not feel guilty if we don't have the silver polished. (The 2 pieces that I have are probably very tarnished.  I never use them so I wouldn't know!!) Let's eat off of paper plates and enjoy the company that we have! If you use the wrong fork, I don't care.  I won't even check to see if you did!

Martha Stewart doesn't have anything on me!  I could probably teach her a thing or two.  Hey Martha, take a nap!!  Sit down and read a book.  Watch some trashy reality TV.  Enjoy life.  It doesn't last long.

Life Lesson #15,001

Since I have been alive for more than 15,000 days and "they" say that you learn something new every day, I'm starting my blog at 15,001.  My Life Lesson for today is this:  It is just as important to be a good friend as it is for your friends to be good friends to you.  If you are like me you have hundreds of "Friends" on Facebook.  You may be feeling pretty good about yourself with all of those "Friends".  If you are like me, you have had something sad, happy or exciting happen to you in the past year.  Think about how many of those "Friends" were there to cry with you, laugh with you, cheer with you, cook dinner for you, keep children for you or even just offer to do something for you.  If your answer is all 899 of your "Friends" then I want to know your secret. If you said maybe 3 of your 899 "Friends", you are probably normal.  Now think about how many of those 899 "Friends" have you done things for in the past year?  Again, if you said 3, you are probably normal. Now, why is that?  By definition a "Friend" is a person whom one knows, likes and trusts. A "Friend" is also someone who supports and holds mutual affection for the other person. The simple truth is that most of us really only have less than 10 good friends.

Last summer my stepmother was dying with lung cancer.  Several of my "good friends" kept my son or made dinner for my family while I was out of town.  One of my friends even came and picked up my laundry.  Now that is being a friend!!  I have had a chance to reciprocate for most every person who was there for me last year.  I hope that I was as good of a friend to them as they were to me.  It is important to be a good friend even when our friends disappoint us.  I was actually shocked and amazed by many of my "friends" last year. Some who I was sure would be there for me didn't even send a text to say that they were very sorry for my loss.  Some who I was sure would send me a text, actually came to my stepmother's funeral.  Her funeral was 40 minutes away from where we live. I will just take you back to that day for a minute.  I am sitting with my family and I look over to my left side and all of my girlfriends are taking up the first 2 rows of the church pews.  Some of them took the day off of work.  Some of them came home early from vacation.  To know that I had 2 full rows of friends there for me meant more to me than any of them will ever know. I have always said that if you want to know who your true friends are, #1 Have a baby. #2 Get sick. #3 Have a loved one die. 

Let's don't wait for events to happen in our "friends" lives.  Let's be good friends to each other even when we don't "need" each other.  You never know how much it will mean to someone just to get that affirmation of your friendship.  Don't wait until something bad happens to be a friend.