Lesson #15,135-Dads and Moms. Yep We Parent Much Differently

Okay, so we all know moms and dads parent differently but is one the more fun parent?  Is there a good cop/bad cop thing going on?  One is a pushover and one is strict?  One is very careful and the other is reckless?  I swear there is something to this!  Hear me out!!

Moms tend to be gentle and loving. We get the kids all calmed down and ready for bed and the dads start rolling around on the floor with them and holding them up in the air by their ankles and swinging them around and around and around.  Then Dad wants them to be quiet so he can watch TV and he falls asleep on the couch and leaves mom to get the kids calmed back down and ready for bed.  Sound familiar?  Dads are rougher!!

Since moms are with the kids more we can overlook more infractions.  Dad walks in from work and the kids are bouncing off the walls and screaming and running around and mom is oblivious.  As long as nobody is screaming bloody murder and they're not bothering Mom, she doesn't care.  Dad looks at Mom like she is off her rocker, which she probably is from being home with these wild children all day.  Dad walks into the living room and says "What in the world is going on in here?" and the kids look like a deer in the headlights. They are thinking "Oh shit. Dad's home. Gotta behave now".  Mom could have said to be quiet, calm down, sit down or chill out 100 times but Dad just has to say it once.  Makes no sense!!  Mom gave birth to you rugrats and you listen to Dad??

Dads hear the same story about what happened today at school and have a way different perspective about what to do the next time it happens.  Here is the story that the kid tells:  "I was at school today, minding my own business and this kid said that I was a poopy head".  Mom will say, "Well, honey, just try to be nice to this kid" or "just ignore him" and Dad walks in and hears the same story and says, "You walk up to this kid and punch him in the nose".  No joke!!  Dad says he doesn't care if you get suspended, you just better not take crap from that kid ever again and that kid's dad was a nerd in high school.

At the soccer games, the moms sit on the sidelines talking and cheering on the kids and telling them "good job".  Dads stand on the sidelines screaming at the kids and telling them to "push that kid back when he pushes you".  Guess who gets in more altercations at soccer games?  Don't get me wrong, I have been in an altercation at the soccer field too but it was with a DAD!!!  He let his team say "F*** You", instead of "Good Game".  He was the coach and let his team be bad sports!!

The sex talk is another difference that parents have.  Moms explain it all in great detail.  We explain the dangers of sex too young, sex with random people, how you can get in a lot of trouble and how it can ruin your life and your plans for achieving your dreams and goals.  Dads just say "Don't do it" and "Protect yourself"!  Actually some dads are like "Atta boy"!!  What to do?? What to do??

So who is more fun?  Mom or Dad?  I say MOM!!!  Of course, I would say that!!

Lesson #15,117-Some Men Should Just Buy a Dog

Okay, so we all know that dogs have always been "Man's Best Friend" and we all know that some men are just dogs themselves!  I think some men should never get married and just buy a dog.  Why??



~Dogs don't care if you stay out all night.  They are just happy to see you when you get home.

~Dogs don't care if you go to Poker Night every week.  They are just happy to see you when you get home.

~Dogs don't care if you have more than one dog.  If you have 2 dogs, they are both happy to see you when you get home.



~Dogs don't want to talk about your "feelings".  You can just pat their head or rub their belly and they are happy.

~Dogs don't pout for days or get their feelings hurt.  They are just happy to see you when you get home.

~Dogs don't care if you leave piles of clothes on the floor.  They will just make a bed out of it.  They will love you for it!!




~When a dog wants affection, he or she will jump on the couch and nudge you.  They don't care how long the affection lasts.  If it is 2 minutes, that's okay and if it's 2 hours that's okay too!

~If you just want to take a nap, that's just fine with your dog!!  They are happy to accompany you.



~Your dogs' parents don't pop in unexpectedly, eat your food and complain about how dirty your house is.

~Dogs don't get mad if you have lipstick on your collar.  In fact, your dog will be so happy to see you that they probably won't even notice!

~Dogs don't care if you are late getting home from work.  The later you are the happier they are to see you.



~If you own a dog and you are married, lock your dog and your wife in a closet for an hour.  Then see who is happy to see you when you open the door.  I bet it's your dog!!

~Dogs don't mind being led by a leash.  Pulled left.  Pulled right.  If you try this on your wife, she will call you a freak, roll her eyes and call her friend to talk about you.



~If you forget your dog's birthday, no worries!!

~Dogs don't care if you are intelligent or not.  The dumber the better!!






~Dogs keep all of your secrets.  No matter what, they aren't talking!!

~Dogs don't care if you get a beer belly.  It just makes for a better pillow!!

~Dogs don't care if you fart.  As a matter of fact, dogs find the scent interesting.  Same thing with a burp!



~If you scream at your dog, he or she won't burn your clothes on the front lawn.

~If your dog leaves, he or she won't take half of your stuff!!

Lesson #15,104-PMS. Fact or Fiction?

Okay, so all of us who have had a period know that PMS is real but how do our men know when it is safe to say anything to us?  Do they keep a calendar?  Do they just take their chances?  Do they dare not to care if we are PMSing?  Seriously.  What do they do? 

I think I may have used the "I'm PMSing" even when I wasn't.  I may have said things that I shouldn't have said way before PMS started just to get it off my chest!  Is that wrong?  Sometimes you just want to have a free pass to say whatever is on your mind without repercussions, right?  I mean, is it really necessary to pull off your socks inside out every time you take off your socks?  Must you leave a sugar trail from the sugar dish across the counter every time you make yourself a cup of coffee?  Must you hang your towel on the door knob instead of the towel rack every time you take a shower?  MUST YOU THROW WATER ALL OVER THE COUNTER IN THE BATHROOM WHEN YOU SHAVE?  Don't worry, dahling.  I will clean it up!!!!!!!  I'm sorry, Honey!  I had PMS when I said those nasty things to you.  (Or did I?)  He will never know.

Our poor husbands!!  They never know when they are safe from the tyranny of us.  We really need to use this excuse to the fullest.  I don't care how old you are.  If you are 65 and no longer PMS you can still use it because they will never know.  Women can always use the excuse that we are "Hormonal" and the men in our lives just know to be quiet!  Men have it so easy.  They have one hormone to worry about.  Testosterone!!  If one of our hormones gets out of whack OH BOY can our attitudes go off the rails!!  My husband must think that PMS lasts for 30 days a month because I use that excuse all of the time!!  His real fear is that PMS is fiction and he just married a raging lunatic!!  Bless His Heart!! Just bring me chocolate and roses every day and life will be much easier!!  Oh and never complain about anything that I do!!  Ever!! Okay??

Lesson #15,064-The Man Cold

Oh my gosh!! There is a horrible illness that I would not wish on anyone.  It must be the most awful disease that has ever afflicted mankind.  I don't think any woman would know about it because apparently we are immune to it.  It only happens in the human male species.  It's called The Man Cold.  This illness renders our men helpless.  The afflicted man can only lay on the couch, watch TV, nap, cough, sneeze, snort, complain, order hot cocoa and food, whine, and be helpless.  It is like having an infant again.  Every little thing must be attended to by a man's wife!  The poor, sick man can only use his fingers to change the channel on the TV remote and to text his wife when he needs something else, even if she is in the same room with him.  Poor baby, can't even speak!!!  I am thrilled that I am a woman and can never, ever get The Man Cold.  I mean, thank God!!  It is supposedly worse than the swine flu, cancer or childbirth.  I know that having a C-section was really rough and even being so anemic that my hemoglobin was only 4, (Yes, 4!!) but apparently this Man Cold is serious business.  Maybe when men become infected with the virus they should be admitted directly into ICU.  I mean, who better to take care of these helpless little men, than highly trained Registered Nurses??  There is usually a doctor around the unit so there would be care provided 24/7.  Or maybe there is some sort of medication that could be administered that would keep him in a medically induced coma until the illness has run its' course.

(Bad word alert.  Sorry but it is funny!!)


Now why is it that a woman can have the same symptoms but for some reason, it isn't that bad?  Or is it that moms never stop?  Are men just big babies or are women just tougher?  They say that we are the weaker sex but seriously if you have ever seen a man with a tiny cold, you know who is the weaker sex!! I mean, REALLY!!!???!!!  Okay, so all the women should go out and get multivitamins, Echinacea, protein shakes, herbal teas, anything to keep our men healthy!!!  Don't let this happen to your man!!!

Life Lesson #15,040-Psychology of Men

Yesterday I blogged about how complicated women are.  I talked about the complexity of our emotions and psyche.  Women really are complex and emotional creatures.  If something terrible happens to someone, the first thing we think about is the family, the children, the parents, etc.  Men on the other hand, well, they think differently.  They think about how the bills would get paid, how their job will get done, how the family will run while this terrible tragedy is going on.  Women think emotionally and men think logically.  Women, Please don't take that the wrong way. If you really think about it, isn't it true?  Just think about when JFK was shot and killed.  The women were thinking, "Poor Jackie", "Poor Caroline", "Poor John John" while the men were thinking "Who will run the country?", "Who is looking after national security?", "Who's watching the Russians?".  See what I mean?? 



I also mentioned that my son had said that he was going to take a course on women when he goes to college.  I told him that a course on women would last 30 years and it is not a passable class.  Well, if you took a class on the Psychology of Men, it would be just the opposite.  It would take about 5 minutes and the final exam would be about 3 questions with all answers being "Yes".  Men are simple creatures.  They need few things in life.  (1) Food (2) Shelter (3) Clothing (4) Money (5) Sex.  End of list.  See?  Simple creatures right?  If they had to do without any of these needs, I would guarantee that it would not be #5.  You know I'm right!!  Anyway, their food doesn't need to be fancy, their shelter doesn't need to be well decorated, their clothing doesn't need to match, they need money but not as much until they have a family and sex, well, if you are married, you know they don't care where or when or how as long as it happens.  (This goes out the window with "The Gays".  They like good food, well decorated shelter and tailored clothing. Money and sex are the same as straight men!)

I will try to make your final exam on the Psychology of Men a little harder.  Here goes:

(Q)  List the needs of men in order of importance.
(A)  All 5 are number 1.

If you got the question right. You pass.
 

"The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women ... merely adored." ~OSCAR WILDE

Life Lesson #15,039-Psychology of Women

Life Lesson #15,039-Psychology of Women

My son just asked me what a woman means when she says, "This dress isn't me."?  I said that it means that she doesn't like the dress for her but it might look good on someone else.  He said that when he gets to college he is going to take a course on women and I told him it is a thirty year course and he would fail anyway. LOL!  Poor kid.  He's only 13-years old and he is already trying to figure out women.  Good luck with that, my son!!  Why are women so hard to figure out?  Why don't we just say what we mean like men do?  Why do we hold grudges from the 3rd grade?  Why do we care about how soft our skin is?  Why do we worry about age spots?  Why do we care about gray hair and wrinkles?  Why do we have more than 4 pairs of shoes?  Why do we have a section in our closet called our "fat clothes"?  Why do we wear make up and fuss with our hair?  Why do we touch up our lipstick every hour?  Why do we fret over an extra 10 pounds? Why do we shove ourselves into Spanx?  Why do we always have to smell good?  Why do we love pretty things?  Why do we always say, "Oh that's so cute!"?   I tell you why.  Because we are women!!!


Why do we cry about everything?  When we are happy.  When we are sad.  When we are watching Chick Flicks.  When we are watching Magic Mike.  ((Ahem. Sorry.))  Then for no reason at all, we cry!!  We love to know details about everything.  It may take us 5 minutes to tell a story that would take a man 10 seconds to tell because we don't leave out any details.  We all absolutely hate drama but we want to know if any drama is going on and we will give our opinion but we don't want to get involved in the drama.  We get mad if someone knows what is going on and they don't share it with us. We get our feelings hurt easily.  We are sensitive. Why??  Because we are women.



One thing is for sure about women.  We love with all of our heart. If we are moms we will rip your still beating heart straight out of your chest if you hurt our child.  When we love something we will fight for it to the death!   Whether it is a relationship or a child, our love knows no boundaries.  Some men like to call us stalkers but really it's just love.  If they would just love us back, darn it!!!!  I mean my goodness, we smell good and our hair is fixed.  What more could you possibly want from us?  Just because we send you roses, chocolates and 471 texts per day, does not make us stalkers.  Just because we wait for you outside of your apartment building at 5am to give you a warm cup of coffee to start off your day right, does not make us stalkers.  And yes, buying him that really nice gold watch that he always wanted may have been a little excessive but stalking...No way, Your Honor!!  We just like to show our love, Your Honor!! Why?  Because we are women!!





So we love cute things and flowers. Earrings and purses. We love bubble baths and pedicures.  We love a good book and perfume, chocolate and diamonds, sports cars and suntans, shoes and soft blankets, clean floors and afternoon soccer games.  We love our friends to the moon and back and have deeper relationships with a select few.  We love our men and our children so much that we would die for them.  Not to get all mushy because we also love wine and raunchy sex talk with our girlfriends on Girls Night Out!!  We love decorations and little blue boxes with white ribbons. So I just think I will tell my son not to worry about studying up on women.  For one, it is a total waste of time and for another thing, whatever we say today could change tomorrow.  Why?? Because we are women!!

Life Lesson #15,036-Real Problems??

Life Lesson #15,036-Real Problems

I have a real problem.  I don't know when to keep my mouth shut or when to speak up.  I need some help in this department.  I saw a lady today with her dress on inside out.  Should I have mentioned it to her or kept my mouth shut?  Thing is, I was at a middle school soccer game and I didn't notice until the game was over and she walked over to where the other mothers were sitting.  I don't know her but I know that she is the mother of one of the boys on the team.  Plus, there were tons of people standing there and of course, everyone looked at me and said, "You should tell her".  Why me?  Could it be because they know what a big mouth I am?  Could it be because they think I have no filter?  Could it be because they know me well enough to know that I would want to know myself?  Why didn't one of the other mothers speak up?  Three Moms looked at me and said, "TELL HER"!! 

Y'all know that's me below!!
 

Should I stand in Walmart and point out everyone who still has on their pajamas just in case they weren't aware that they came out of the house in their pajamas?  (I mean, surely they aren't aware that they still have their pajamas on.  People would never go out in public in their pajamas on purpose, right?)  Should I stand inside the school and tell all of the 12-year old boys who have their flys open that they are walking around like that?  Should I be responsible for telling people when they have smelly breath or body odor?  Should I tell people when they are being rude or laughing too loud? (Okay, someone may need to tell me when I am being those things.)  Should I tell those young men who walk around town with their pants below their waist to pull their pants up?? (Someone should totally do that one!!!!)  Do we need to tell a friend that they have spinach in their teeth?  Where do we draw the line and does it matter how well we know someone before we say something?   Look, even if you don't know me, please don't let me walk around looking like a fool or smelling like a zoo animal.



I think if someone is going to be embarrassed about something, maybe we should speak up.  If you see a lady with her skirt caught inside her underwear, we should speak up and not let her walk around like that. If a man is walking around with his toupee blown over, maybe someone should mention it to him. If you see a lady at a middle school soccer game with her dress on inside out, maybe you should mention it to her if you see it at the beginning of the game.  When the game is over, you may as well let her get in her minivan and leave without saying anything. Your thoughts??

Life Lesson #15,024-I May Or May Not Be A Horrible Stay-At-Home Mom

Life Lesson #15,024-I May Or May Not Be A Horrible Stay-At-Home Mom.
I'm not sure but I may or may not be very good at my job as a stay-at-home mom.  First of all, I am unclear about the "Stay At Home" part because I feel like I am always on the road.  Maybe we should be called "Stay-in-the SUV" Moms or "Stay-in-the-Minivan" Moms or "Stay-at-the Soccer Field" Moms or Football or Baseball or Volley Ball or Basketball or Dance Studio or Cheerleading or whatever field, court or studio or rink that you happen to spend your life at.  Also, there is the grocery store, Walmart or Target, school functions, parent/teacher meetings, community service, field trips, play dates...Wow, I could go on and on about where Moms travel every day.  We spend a lot of time in the carpool line at school!! We eat, do homework, change clothes, read, have serious talks and super hilarious conversations about bodily functions, all in the car!!
 

Then there are those Moms who post stuff on Facebook that they are doing during the day and I feel like a total piece of crap.  "Heading to the school with fresh baked muffins for little Joe's class".  "Got a fresh baked pie in the oven for my BFF".  "Can't wait for my husband to get home and see the home made dinner that I made for him".  "I have cleaned the house all day long and made filet mignon for dinner".  Just so y'all know, I hate you all!! I made those Tyson Chicken Breast filet sandwiches for Sunday lunch yesterday.  Why didn't I make a pot roast with carrots and potatoes like a good mama would?  Oh and Thank You Domino's Pizza for dinner last night!! Mwaah!!
I actually vacuumed out the couch a few days ago, because I can't even remember the last time that I did it, and I found cookie parts, pencils, popcorn, a small human being, $100,000 in coins and a Maserati. The Maserati was, unfortunately, a Matchbox Maserati car but I found one!! And how does sand get underneath the cushions?  First of all, we live in North Carolina where there is no sand except for the beach and second of all, who is this person with sandy pants??


Then there are those Martha Stewart types who sew.  You know who you are!! I can sew on a button and that's about it.  And when I sew on a button, that bad boy is never, ever coming off again, EVER!! I see Moms who can sew little dresses for their little girls, make window treatments for their house, pillows and even quilts!! I don't even know how to thread a sewing machine much less sew a straight line.  On Pinterest it says that you can make a cute little dress out of a pillow case for a little girl.  I see dresses like this in boutiques selling for $60 and up!!  Why don't I know how to sew?  I could be making pillow case dresses all day long instead of pinning stuff on Pinterest and driving kids around everywhere!! I could hire someone to drive the kids around!!!!




Then we Moms feel guilty for having a GNO (Girls Night Out) once a month.  Why do we feel guilty about that?  I mean, we are the ones who do everything for the kids 29 days a month and we ask Dad to pitch in and help for one day a month and we feel guilty and end up getting home before 10:00, usually to find that Daddy hasn't even put the kids to bed yet and has given them Coca-Cola and Pixy Stix and cannot figure out why he cannot control them. Literally the kids are burning down the house and Daddy looks like he has no idea that they have left the house to buy the gas and matches!! And the guys have to have Boys Night Out once a week!! The men come in after midnight and the kids have been asleep for hours and so have we moms!! We know better than to give kids Pixy Stix after 2pm!!


Alright, I am probably not the best Mom in the entire world but I have a healthy and happy child who probably doesn't get enough leafy green vegetables in his diet. There is probably more dirt on my floor than I care to admit to but my kid can tell you with 100% certainty that I love him.  I've never forgotten to pick up the carpool kids up from school. I've never left my child in a hot car.  I've never forgotten to feed my kid. I've kept him alive for almost 13 years and I've never had DSS called on me before!! Hallelujah! I must not be too HORRIBLE!  You, probably, are not either!! Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for not being a horrible Mom!! Whoop!! Whoop!!

But hey, they do need something to tell their therapist about when they are adults.  Can't send 'em to therapy without any material!!

Life Lesson #15,022-People, Please Put On Clothing Before Leaving The House

Life Lesson #15,022-People, Please Put On Clothing Before Leaving The House
People of the world, I love a pair of pajamas as much as the next person.  I love me some comfortable bedroom shoes too.  The fluffier the better.  Oh and a fluffy, soft robe that is a little too big to keep me warm in the morning. That being said, I do not want to see you pumping gas or pushing a shopping cart at 11:00am with your pajamas on.  If I have to put on sweats and put my hair in a ponytail then you should too.  I even take 30 seconds to take off my bedroom shoes and throw on some running shoes or flip flops.  I mean really, those fluffy froggy slippers are cute but they are picking up all kinds of grossness off of the floor at Walmart and you are taking it right back to your house. Ewww.  Throw on those flip flops like I do!!

While we are talking about what women do, let's move on to the young men. You guys are another story.  I want you guys to pull up your darn pants.  Nobody wants to see your underwear!!  How long can this trend go on?  Do you really think that you look cool with your underwear and half of your behind showing?  No, you look like an idiot! You are never going to get a job with your butt hanging out. Why do you think we never see you working?  You guys are just walking around town or the mall.  Pull up those pants and you will get a job!!  You walk around holding them up with one hand so why not tighten that belt and then you can use both hands to fill out that job application.  I would love for you to hand me my chicken sandwich and waffle fries but not if you are pulling up your pants with one of your hands every 5 seconds! Why do we never see anyone over 40 dressed this way unless they are rappers?  The reason is because we know better!!  (Also, this is not a racist statement because I see almost as many white and Hispanic young men doing this as I do black.)

Okay so put some clothes on before going out of the house and pull up your pants!! Nobody wants to see your pajamas or underwear.  People make assumptions based on your appearance.  Whether or not that is fair, I don't know, but it is the reality of life. You look lazy!  It may not be true but you do!! Pull up those pants and put on some clothes!! Now let's get out there!! Have a great day!!

Life Lesson #15,019-Facebook Becomes Too Personal

Life Lesson #15,019-Facebook Becomes Too Personal
Anyone who has a Facebook will agree with today's blog.  You will know "Friends" who post these things and if you see yourself in these examples, PLEASE STOP!!

We all have "Friends" who post about personal family business.  I don't want to know about how much you hate your sister who causes drama.  If you are posting about your sister who causes drama on Facebook, then you are part of the drama.  Family business should be kept "in the family" not made into huge drama on a social network. Once it is "out there" it is "out there" forever!!

There are young people who constantly post pictures of themselves in mirrors.  Young men with their shirts off. (Some men are old enough to know better than to do this!) Young girls posting pictures of themselves with the fish lips!! You are 11 and I know your Mama and I know that she did not allow you to get lip injections so STOP THAT!!  And go clean your bathroom mirror!

There are people who constantly post about their at home businesses.  I am so happy for you if you have your own business and I wish you much success and hope that you are as happy and as rich as you claim to be.  I just don't really care if you make $8,000 a week.  I do not want to join your team!!

There are people who constantly post about their political beliefs.  You are not going to change my mind about who to vote for in the upcoming elections with your political rants.  If anyone doesn't agree with your rants, you get mad.  I have seen posts on my news feed between people who have been friends since preschool and they end up "unfriending" each other over politics.  I mean, who does that?  I am still going to be your friend even if you aren't of the same political persuasion as myself.  I may think you are 100% wrong and you may think that I am 100% wrong.  Just go and vote in November and we will see how it all works out.

Then there are those who post only Bible verses.  I happen to know some of you people very well.  That is not all that you talk about 24/7.  Even my pastor doesn't do that!  Who are you trying to convince that you are a Christian?  Everyone else or yourself?

And then there is the friend who only posts about how there is no God.  Who are you trying to convince? If you don't believe in God, then don't believe but stop trying to convince me.  I believe that there is a God. I don't believe in evolution and you will never convince me otherwise! If I am wrong, so what? If you are wrong, well, that's another story.

Then there are those who only post about their kids.  UGH!! My kids are #1.  My kids are the smartest.  My kids are the cutest.  My kids are the most athletic. My kids are the most talented. My kids...My kids...My kids...STOP IT!!!!  My kid is the smartest, cutest, most athletic and my kid is #1 so stop trying to say that yours is the best!! Haha!! We all think our kid is the best!!  I mean, if your kid gets into Princeton on an academic scholarship and then makes the football, baseball or softball team, please post this because it is wonderful news!!  Your kid just made a base hit in T-Ball.  He or she hasn't made the major leagues just yet.

Last is my biggest pet peeve.  If you do this, please know that EVERYONE has "blocked" your posts from their news feed.  That person who posts every move that they make...
7:32am-Just woke up.  Good morning Facebook Friends!
7:45am-Getting in the shower. Have to smell good for the day!
8:02am-Having my first cup of coffee.  2 sugars and a splash of milk.
8:25am-Having a terrible hair day.  Good thing I have a low cut shirt on today.
8:40am-Late for work. Fred, please tell Moe that I will be there as soon as I can!!
9:02am-Made it in. Have a great day today!
10:07am-Break time. Having a Coke and some crackers. I'm in such a bad mood today.
10:45am-Made a lunch date with my honey! See you at 11:30, John! I love you!
11:25am-Ready to see my baby. Order me an iced tea!
12:25pm-Great lunch with my sweetie. Almost late getting back from lunch!
1:52pm-This is the longest day in history.  Come on 5:00!
2:45pm-Boss just left for the beach for the week.  Whoop! Whoop!
3:28pm-What will I make for dinner tonight? Grilled chicken or lasagna?
4:15pm-Decided on lasagna. Gotta go to the grocery store after work.
5:05pm-At the grocery store.  Man someone didn't return their cart and I almost hit it with my new Camry!
6:02pm-Lasagna in the oven.  I will post a pic as soon as it gets out of the oven so you can be jealous. :)
6:35pm-(((Picture of the Lasagna)))
7:03pm-Dinner was good.  Watching TLC.  Honey Boo Boo comes on tonight!!
8:31pm-Having a candy bar before bed.  Is that bad?
9:45pm-Going to bed after I brush my teeth and wash my face. Good night everyone!!
OMG!! GET A TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!!

You all know at least one of these people!! Don't ya??

Life Lesson #15,007-Let's Talk About Camping

Life Lesson #15,007-Let's Talk About Camping.
Okay, I am probably gonna hear it about this one but I don't care.  Camping stinks!!  I know. I know.  Some of you love camping.  Some of you go to the mountains and pitch tents and have a great time.  Some of you go to the beach in RV's or 5th wheels and camp in those large campgrounds and love it. I, however, hate camping.  I grew up camping in those campers in the big campgrounds. I have slept in a tent outside before.  God, please don't ever let me be homeless because I hated camping and that is the closest thing to being homeless that I can think of.  I mean, in a camper you sleep on the kitchen table. Then in the morning you get to put the table back together and eat where you just slept.  Then you have to put the "living room" back together because the kids slept on the bed/couch/coffee table.  Oh and the worst part is that there is NO HOUSEKEEPER!!!  Of course, you can sleep as late as you want to because housekeeping won't be knocking on your door.  Then again, if one person in the camper or tent is up, then you all are going to be up!

I'm not high maintenance but...well, I take that back. I may be a little higher maintenance than I used to be.  Roughing it, for me, is The Hampton Inn.  I want someone to come by my room and bring me fresh towels and make the beds and clean the bathrooms.  That isn't totally accurate either.  I totally make my own beds even in hotels because I like hospital corners.  If you have ever been taught the proper way to make a bed, it MUST be made that way!!  Of course, the maids usually come back and "correct" my bed making to their "totally wrong" way of bed making! Hee Hee!!  I do love a nicely made bed!!  See, that's why I don't camp.  You can't "make up" a couch or kitchen table or sleeping bag like you can a nice bed.

When I am on vacation, I want to eat out.  I don't want to cook in a miniature kitchen, on a miniature stove and a miniature oven.  I don't want to go to a bathhouse to take a shower because the hot water heater only holds 4 gallons.  I want a hot shower even after 3 other people have taken a shower.  I want to relieve myself in a bathroom that I cannot touch the toilet, sink and shower with one hand at the same time. I like bedrooms.  They don't have to be large and luxurious but the little people need to go to their bedroom and the older people need to go to theirs.  Not for hanky panky but for sleep!! If you have ever slept in a room with more than one child you know what I mean.

Okay, here's the deal.  I am not woman enough to camp.  To all of my very dear friends who love it, Have At It!! That's what makes the world go around.  I am bracing myself for your comments...EEK!!

Life Lesson #15,005-Men Think Women Are Crazy

Life Lesson #15,005-Men Think Women are Crazy
Ladies, Our husbands think that we are crazy.  Why is that?  Men are basic creatures.  Most of them need few things in life.  My husband could care less about new clothes, new shoes or any luxury in life. Give him shelter, food and you know what and he is perfectly happy. His idea of "shelter" and mine are very different.  He would hang towels from the windows and call them "drapes".  He got mad at me the other day for spending money at TJ Maxx.  I purchased new sheets for the guest room because the fitted sheet on that bed had a rip at the bottom where the elastic meets the sheet.  He thought that was asinine to buy new sheets.  I suppose he would just lay down towels on the bed too, if he weren't married to me.  Oh and rugs, who needs them?  We could just throw down towels for that too!! 

But really, do we give men ammunition to think that we are crazy?  Men have less than 7 pairs of shoes.  They have black dress shoes, black casual shoes, brown dress shoes, brown casual shoes, a pair of tennis shoes and a pair of flip flops. Then some men have a pair of work boots. Am I right?  Women on the other hand have black dress shoes but we have black leather, black patent leather, black high heel, black wedge heel, black flats, black suede, black strappy, black strappy formal, black satin, black satin bejeweled...then we go to brown, then taupe, gray, sand, navy, white, red...You get my drift?  Oh and then we put on make-up.  We put on lipstick and then we blot it off.  We pluck our eyebrows and then pencil them back in.  Maybe we ARE the crazy ones!!  I don't think we are crazy, I just think we like things to be nice, whether it be our homes, our children, our husbands or ourselves.  We like to look nice. We like to smell nice.  We like nice things. What's wrong with that?

And what about drama?  Men do not have any drama in their lives.  They may cause drama but they don't worry about it for one minute!  If you ask a man "What's wrong?" and they say, "Nothing", then nothing is wrong.  If you ask a woman "What's wrong?" and she says "Nothing" then she is probably pissed off.  If a man has a problem with another man, they will either talk about it or fight about it and then it's over.  I see it with my 12-year old son.  He and his friend will punch each other in the eye and 2 minutes later they are playing football.  Nooooo, not women, Honey!! We hold grudges!! I still remember a girl being mean to me in the 3rd grade and I still hate her!!   I don't care if she is a missionary in Africa, eating rice and beans every day, digging wells and teaching poor children how to read.  She was mean to me in 3rd grade!!!

Ladies & Gentlemen, Let's just agree to disagree. Face it...Men think we are crazy!!