There is no way I could ever make up for the horrendous school projects that I have helped my child make. When Jordan was in 2nd grade, he was assigned to make a diorama of what the earth looked like when the dinosaurs were alive. Raise your hand if you know what the earth looked like when the dinosaurs were alive. Yea, that's what I thought. There aren't any photographs or drawings or written history left behind from the time of the dinosaurs. That is, unless you can understand the cave drawings that have been found around the world but who knows when they were really drawn, right? So anyway, he walked into that school with the most jacked up looking clay dinosaurs proudly displayed in the shoe box covered with construction paper. I thought it was great!! I could not have been more proud. UNTIL. I walked in the library where each child had displayed their dioramas on top of the bookshelves all over the library. There were masterpieces in that room!! I mean these kids have some real talent. We have sculptors, paper mache prodigies and painters who should have artwork in The MOMA in NYC. I tell you some of these kids had some amazing and creatively designed boxes!! Some didn't even use shoe boxes (like the directions explicitly stated to use.). Some kids used boot boxes. Some kids used produce boxes. Oh and did I mention that the directions also explicitly stated that the kids were to do this project all by themselves? As we put my son's diorama down one of the 2nd grade teachers came straight over and ogled all over his sad little clay dinosaurs who looked more like bloody worms with large eyes and swollen feet. As I walked my son to his classroom, I thought about how I was going to tell him that he was probably going to be in the "special" school next year because we would surely be kicked out of this fine school as soon as an administrator came through the library. I leaned down and gave him a kiss and almost darted to the door with the speed of Usain Bolt. I almost made it out the door and saw that obviously farsighted teacher who complimented my son on his model and she waved to me to come her way. Just as I make it to her I burst into tears. She asks, "What is wrong, sweetie?". I said, "Did you see Jordan's dinosaur diorama? Why did you give it compliments when there are obvious masterpieces here in this room?". She grabs me by my arm and says, "I gave him those compliments because those masterpieces in the library are obviously done by those kids' parents and I would rather see wormy, bug eyed dinosaurs done by a 7-year old than those bronze sculptures done by parents ANY DAY"! I could have kissed her right there in front of twenty-four 2nd graders.
So now I know that most parents help their children with their projects. I do allow him to do most of the work but I have helped him put together visual projects and they were pretty darn good if I do say so! Last year, in 6th grade, "WE" got a 92 on a project. A 92???? We worked our butts off on that stupid project. I was ready to go off on that psycho teacher! I deserved at least a 99 on that project. I mean, he deserved at least a 99 on that project!! Seriously, did she not see how awesome that project was? I was not invited to attend Carnegie Mellon for my artistic talents but they were as good as I could possibly do and that witch gives me a 92. I mean, gave him a 92!! How dare she!
(Read this like you are weeping uncontrollably.) This Sunday, between eating frozen Tyson chicken sandwiches and Domino's pizza, we had another project to do. It was due yesterday and we worked on it all day!! It was great!! Sort of. But anyway, we got a 95 on it and again I am stabbed through the heart. When will we...When will he get a 100??? I am gonna have to hire an artist to help my son with his projects from now on so we...he can get that elusive 100!! I'm doing it!! Any other parents out there have their self esteem seriously bruised by middle school teachers? I may need therapy for many things but my bruised ego is right up there with issues which should be much more damaging to my psyche!!
