Lesson #15,095-ABC's of Aging

Okay, so we all have heard of the ABC's of Life so I'm gonna tell you about the ABC's of Aging.  These are all true and I will not sugar-coat any of it!!

A is for Acne. Yes, acne.  If I have to have acne again, I want my teenage body back!!
B is for Botox.  Y'all know I love my Botox and need it often!!
C is for Cellulite.  Or as I like to call it, Body Braille.
D is for Dementia.  We all think that this is for the very old, well, sorry folks I can't remember crap now!!!!
E is for Eyebrows.  They will no longer be where they used to be.
F is for Flatulence.  Yep.  You won't be able to eat just any old thing anymore.  Farting is just a butt whisper.
G is for Gray.  I like to think of gray hair as my personality sparkling!!  Hair dye is your friend!!
H is for Hemorrhoids.  If you have had a baby, you have had them.  Only a lucky few get to keep them!!
I is for Insomnia.  You young folks think we are slow but in reality we are sleep deprived.
J is for Jowls.  Sagging jowls. 
K is for Kidneys.  Men can't go and women can't stop going.  It's a problem!
L is for Libido.  It's nonexistent. 
M is for Molting.  Nice way of saying that you are losing your hair by the handfuls. (Women too!!)
N is for Night Sweats. Ah the joys of being a hormonal woman!! We're up. We're down. We're hot!!
O is for Osteoporosis.  Yes, it is possible that I am shrinking!!
P is for Pharmacist.  Find one that you like and get to know them. You will be seeing this person a lot.
Q is for Quick Tempered.  Also known as Grumpiness!
R is for Rotten Attitude.  Also known as Grumpiness!
S is for Swelling. Everything swells. Ankles. Feet.  Fingers. Waistline.
T is for Tinnitus.  Ringing in the ears.  It's annoying!!
U is for Underwear. Underwear will get larger as you age. G-strings aren't sexy if you have hemorrhoids.
V is for Vision Problems.  The day you turn 40, buy some reading glasses. Start saving for bi-focals!!
W is for Wrinkles.  What else??  Oh yeah! Weight gain!! Weariness!!  Weathered!!
X is for X-Rays.  Like Mammograms and Bone Density Tests!!  No, they aren't fun but get them!!
Y is for Yeast Infections.  Every time you take an antibiotic, you WILL get one!!
Z is for Zombielike.  This is what I feel like most of the time.  No energy. Hunched over. Barely able to put one foot in front of the other!!
 
(I actually love this man's face!!)

There are so many things to look forward to as we age.  I do believe that my least favorite thing are these stupid, ugly spots all over my hands, arms, legs and feet.  If you are young, WEAR SUNSCREEN!! Look, aging is not for the weak, the faint of heart or for anyone who doesn't like change.  Your face will change.  Your body will change.  Your hair will change.  Your organs will change. That's just part of life.

You know you are getting old when "Happy Hour" is a nap.  Aging is like underwear.  It creeps up on you!!