Lesson #15,108-Losing Weight Sucks!

Okay, so it was really fun putting on the extra pounds so why is it not as much fun taking them off?  I mean, sweating and moving and eating lettuce really does suck.  I hate it!!  I wish I was one of those people who enjoys eating healthy food and working out and running but alas I'm Not!!  If you see me running, you had better run too.  Something is chasing me!!


I heard on TV that breastfeeding burns 500-600 calories a day.  I tried to get my son to breastfeed but he said that would be weird.  I guess at 13-years old it would be embarrassing.  Geez!  I mean, I could eat a meatball sub every day if my selfish child would just breastfeed!!

VERSUS   
Having sex burns about 80 calories.  Hardly seems worth it.  Sleeping burns over 500 calories over 8 hours so why not get more sleep?  If I could sleep 8 hours at night and take a 4 hour nap during the day I could burn 750 calories a day just by sleeping!!  Now that is my kind of workout!!





How many calories does lounging around burn?  How many calories does petting the kitty burn?  How many calories does writing a daily blog burn?  How about walking to the refrigerator to get another glass of wine?  How about getting a pedicure?  These are the activities that I need to know about!!  Folding laundry has got to burn calories.  Cooking dinner has to burn calories too.  Eating Nutella has got to burn calories, right?



Ahh the joys of losing weight.  Well, let me go get my celery stick and tofu.  Just kidding.  I'm going back to bed!!  Okay, seriously.  I'm going to Pilates!! Get ready, Jill!!

Lesson #15,078-Holidays Are For Eating

Right?  Holidays are all about food.  Some people think the holidays are all about gifts but it's really food.  Thanksgiving Day is all about the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, macaroni and cheese, rice, sweet potato casserole and bread.  Oh yea, it is about being thankful for what you have been blessed with but the holiday is centered around a meal with family or friends.

Christmas is all about the food too.  Some snacks are only available during Christmas.  I don't mean fruit cake, although fruit cake is only on store shelves during the Christmas season but I never see sausage balls, date balls or peanut butter balls.  There are a lot of balls that are only around during the Christmas season.  Some cakes are more common around Christmas, besides fruit cake.  I hardly ever see coconut cake or Hershey bar cake or even red velvet cake any other time of year.

New Years Day is all about the food too.  New Years Eve, you may have drank too much and feel really bad but on New Year's Day you have to eat pork, some sort of greens and black-eyed peas.  It has something to do with being unlucky if you don't eat that food on New Years Day.  Personally, I think we all should eat Millionaire Pie or Millionaire Cake on New Years Day.  Maybe eat a 100 Grand candy bar.  Anything to make money come our way this year!!  Maybe we should call Bill Gates and ask him what he usually eats or maybe Warren Buffett.  It seems that almost everyone that eats the pork, greens and black-eyed peas are doing something wrong.

Oh but then comes January 2nd and we are all miserable and have 10 extra pounds to get rid of so we all join a gym or actually go to the gym that we are members of.  A few years ago, my OB/GYN asked me if I worked out and I told him that I paid my gym membership every month and he explained to me that merely being a member of a gym would not make me healthy.  I actually have to "go to" the gym to get healthy!! What??  That explained why I had not lost an ounce since I joined the gym!! Oh well.  Off to get that muffin top off again!!  Oh who am I kidding?  My muffin top has turned into a pound cake!!!  Here's to making and keeping our New Year's Resolution in 2013!!