Lesson #15,143-What If Life Came With A Keyboard?

Okay, so we all make mistakes and wish we could erase them!!  BACKSPACE!!  Yes, the Backspace key would come in very handy when you say something stupid.  I have this problem.  Sometimes my mouth works way faster than my brain.  I have a sarcastic personality and I am usually joking with someone but say something to the wrong person at the wrong time and they get upset.  If my mouth had a Backspace button, I could just take it back really quick!!  I'm usually joking but some people are grump so.......((Backspace)).

What about the Delete button?  We could just go back and delete sections of time that were "uncomfortable".  How convenient would that be?  You back into a car and leave a big ole dent.  Just hit the Delete button!!  Poof!!  Dent gone!!  How cool would that be?

CAPS LOCK.  When we really, really mean something we could make it clear to other people that we mean business with the CAPS LOCK.  "NO, I DO NOT WANT TO BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO YOUR MAGAZINE."  "YES, OF COURSE, I WANT VODKA IN MY CRANBERRY JUICE.  WHO DRINKS CRANBERRY JUICE WITHOUT VODKA?"  See what I mean?

Escape.  Yes, the most wonderful key on the keyboard.  I see that annoying person in Target that I don't want to talk to and just hit the Esc button!!  Yep.  I'm gone!!  I'm speeding down the highway and pass a State Trooper. Escape!!  I see a snake in the yard. Escape!! Escape!! Escape!!

Then there is Ctrl+Alt+Del.  This restarts everything.  If we have a crappy day, we can just start all over again.  Have an argument with someone and think of better stuff that you could have said?  Hit Ctrl+Alt+Del!!  Yes!!  Then you can really Zing them with your quick wit!!

Having trouble sleeping at night?  Power down...........................Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Lesson #15,106-Stupid Humans

Okay, so we all know that some humans are downright stupid but this is probably why we don't live to be 120!!  We are not that intelligent!  Well, at least some of us aren't!!  Here are a few examples:
 Headlight  out?  No problem.  This flashlight will work!!







The kids dared me to jump off the swings like I used to.  I think I'm forgetting something.





Nobody's gonna steal my bike!!

Let's see if my Porsche has 4-wheel drive!!

Ummm.  Probably shouldn't have put the staple right there!!

"Hey Boss Man.  I failed miserably today."

"Thieves will never see it here!!"

(((Tears))) The World's Most Touching Christmas Card!!

"OMG!! This line hasn't moved in over an hour!!"

Why?  Just why?

But...But...But...

Turn your hat around, Dumbass!!

Okay.

This is why playgrounds are for CHILDREN!!

Parent of The Year!!

Oh Damn!! That's hot!!

Is it or isn't it??

In Case of Emergency, flip this switch!!


"Umm, Sarge.  I think I did it wrong."

As opposed to Bone-In Bananas!!

This is why women live longer than men.

After you LOL, call 911.

Spoke too soon!

"I'm not gonna remove the cactus, you are."  "No you!!"

Boy Genius!!


J.K. Rowling once said "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all-in which case, YOU FAIL BY DEFAULT".  I say "Fail Fabulously!!"

Lesson #15,097-ABC's of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Yes, this week we are relearning our ABC's.  Being a Stay-at-Home Mom has it's challenges, as does being a Working Mom!  Whew! I don't know how y'all do it when you work and do everything that we do.  Hopefully, you have help.  You must be much better at time management!!

A is for Appliances-Dishwasher, Washing Machine, Dryer, Refrigerator, Stove, Oven and Crock Pot!!
B is for Balance-Balancing being a Mom, wife, friend, daughter and sister is tough.
C is for Carpool-Driving carpool takes up an hour of my day!!
D is for Dishes-The never ending, bottomless pit that is my kitchen sink!!
E is for Exercise-This is what I get every morning by running up and down the stairs making sure that the backpack is ready, gym clothes are packed, making coffee for the hubby, bringing juice to the kid to get him out of bed and making sure to say goodbye to everyone in the morning.
F is for Folding-Folding all of the blankets and putting them back on the sofas every morning!! (We all like our blankets in the evenings!!)  Folding laundry is my least favorite chore!
G is for "GET UP"!!-Which is what I scream at the teenager every morning!!
H is for "Hold on"-Which is what I have to say to friends when I am on the phone because someone can't find something!!
I is for Inside Out-Which is every piece of clothing that my husband and child wears so I have to turn them the right way on laundry day!! It drives me Insane!!
J is for Juice Box-How one child can drink so many juice boxes is a mystery to me!! They are found everywhere!!
K is for Kitties-All of the kitties need love several times a day.  They can be exhausting!!
L is for Litter Box-All of the aforementioned kitties use it several times a day so I have to clean the darn thing over and over!!
M is for "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom"-I hear it 1,000 times a day!
N is for Nothing-Which is what I feel like I have accomplished every day. (Especially if I take a Nap! Also begins with an N.)
O is for Overtired-Which is what I feel like every day!
P is for Pitiful-Which is what I look like every day! I have all of this time to take a shower, put on clothes, put on makeup and fix my hair and I feel like I never do it!!
Q is for "Quick!!"-Which is what is yelled at me when a spill happens.  "Mom, bring me a towel QUICK!!"
R is for "Really?"-Which is what I say just after I have cleaned up a room and 5 minutes later there are crumbs everywhere!!
S is for Saturday-The day that I look forward to all week.  My one day to sleep in and my husband is a morning person so he gets up EARLY and wants to go and do stuff!!  "Go back to bed, man!!"
T is for Thursday-Why? Because once a month on Thursday night our girlfriend group gets together and has Girls Night Out. Now, it is no longer Girls Gone Wild, but we do get together and talk and laugh and have some fun without any children around!!
U is for Unkempt-Which is my appearance most days!  If you see me with makeup on, consider yourself lucky!
V is for Violin-Which is what you working moms are playing for me right now! Right??
W is for WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING-Nope. I wouldn't change my crazy life for anything!!
X is for X-Rated-Which is my vocabulary when a monkey wrench gets thrown into my day!!
Y is for Yearning-Yearning for a vacation!!
Z is for Zees-Which is what I want to catch right now!! Sleep deprived Mama is tired!!

Lesson #15,089-Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates

Yes, I know that is a line from the movie Forrest Gump.  It's the next part of that line that is profound.  You never know what you're gonna get.  Sometimes that is the fun in life and sometimes that is the no-so-fun part of life.  Who doesn't love a good surprise?  Running into an old friend, getting flowers from someone special, finding $20 in an old coat pocket or a spur of the moment weekend getaway.  Those are great.  Those are the best chocolates!!  Like the milk chocolate covered caramel!!  Then there are the days that you get the dark chocolate covered orange squishy stuff.  Those days suck!!  Those are the days when you have a migraine, a sick kid, get no flowers and you drop your new iPhone 5 in the toilet. 

If you know anything about Greek Mythology, you know about Pandora's Box and how if it had gotten opened we would all know what our future held.  I would like to peek into that box sometimes to see if and when certain things will or will not happen but part of the fun in life is not knowing when those ups and downs will be.  Who out there hasn't thought about someone and planned on calling or visiting them and then you hear that person has died.  We always say, "Oh, I was just thinking about _____ and I should have gone to see him/her.  Why didn't I go and see that person?"  We all have done that.  Here is my solution for that...I suggest that we all start treating each other like we would if that was the last time that we would ever see each other.  Here in the South, when someone dies we always bring casseroles or desserts to the grieving family.  Why not bring a family a casserole just because you love them?  Don't send me flowers when I die!  Send me flowers today!!  Try not to ever leave anyone that you love feeling unloved.  Always say "I Love You" when you mean it. 

Live without regrets.  Our mistakes made us who we are today.  The roads we travel have brought us to this place.  We may not be happy 100% of the time but just remember that today could be one of those orange squishy stuff type of days or it could be the yummy milk chocolate covered caramel type of days.  Let's hope for that!! 

Well, great!  Now I want some chocolate.