Lesson #15,149-Even Sick People Can Be Funny

Okay, So let me explain where I've been lately.  First, there was summer and now it is fall and I haven't been writing lately.  No, I haven't been in an insane asylum but I may as well have been.  There's been summer fun, school starting back, homework and driving to soccer practices and games and tournaments and blah, blah, blah.  Not making excuses but...Well, yes I am.  Anyway, throw in a health scare and having a hysterectomy, which, by the way, is no big deal anymore.  If you need one, find a good GYN that can do it with a laparoscope and have it done!!  I was sore for a week and a half and then I felt normal again.  I get tired a little more quickly but it was exactly 3 weeks ago today so that's to be expected.  Now, onto more important issues.  Daddy has colon cancer and has been in Stage 4 for 9 years and so I know that isn't good.  He had to have surgery the day after Thanksgiving and the poor man had an NG tube in his nose and couldn't even eat on Thanksgiving Day!! Eating is his favorite pastime so I felt really guilty for eating while he was in the hospital.  Funny thing happened when he had surgery, I saw some guys that I went to high school with and they work on the local ambulance service.  Boy, did these EMTs have some stories!!

Okay, so here goes...

They go on a call and go into the house because there was a sick child.  Checked his vital signs.  Maybe a little elevated temperature.  Maybe a little diarrhea and nausea.  Mom thinks the child may have a virus or something and Grandma pipes up and says, "Tell 'em what we caught him doing yesterday."  They turn to Mom and she says, "Well, we caught him sucking on the Chicken Diaper."  They looked at each other and said, "Chicken Diaper?  What's a Chicken Diaper?" and Mom says "Ya know?  The diaper in the bottom of the package of fresh chicken that soaks up the chicken juices."  OH MY GOSH!!!  Thought I was gonna pee myself laughing at that one!!  I don't know what that spongy thing is called but from now on it's a Chicken Diaper!!


They go on another call to the bad part of town and find a man bleeding from his abdomen.  They go to check his wound and see 7 different wounds.  They ask him what happened and he said that he ran into a knife.  They asked him how in the world he ran into a knife 7 times.  They look up and see his wife standing there.  "Oh.  Never mind."  (I think someone got caught cheating!!)


They go on another call.  This time they know this guy.  He's a "frequent flyer" to the ER because he is "suicidal".  Apparently, this guy claims to overdose on purpose quite frequently and sure enough, they walk in and he starts flopping around on the floor, faking a seizure.  Once you have seen someone have a real seizure a few times, you know what it looks like.  These guys were onto his act.  The guy had on nothing but his underwear and it was pouring down rain outside.  They have had enough of his antics so they load him on the stretcher with no sheet or blanket and wheel him out to the ambulance in the pouring rain.  They said his belly button was full of water by the time they got him out to the ambulance. ((Hee Hee))  He stops mid-fake-seizure and asks for a towel.  They told him that they didn't have one.  He got mad and jumped off of the stretcher without even getting in the ambulance.  Again, if you've ever seen a real seizure, you know that a patient is a little dazed after one so they made him sign a release and he hasn't faked a suicide ever again!!  Score!!

I suppose you have to have a sense of humor to do what these guys do every day.  They see some horribly tragic situations and some really funny ones.  I told them that they needed their own reality show.  Only with the funny people though!!  Oh and here is my Public Service Announcement for the day:  If you see one of these, PULL OVER AND LET THEM THROUGH!!

Lesson #15,126-Where Are Our American Heroes?

Okay, so we all heard about Chris Brown beating the crap out of Rihanna a few years ago.  We haven't forgotten what her face looked like in those pictures.  Has she?  Seriously?  She is back with this fool!!  And what is up with all of these young girls thinking Chris Brown is a real catch?  I see young girls saying on Facebook that he is so sexy?  WHAT??  I mean, where are these girls mothers?  I would beat my daughters butt if she said that an abusive man was sexy!  He has anger issues!!  He just blew up on some valet a couple of nights ago over having to pay $10 to valet his car.  Huh??  Hey, Chris Brown, Are you stupid?  They don't work for free!!  Just like you don't!!
 
(Kids, This is what a thug looks like! Not a hero!)

I really worry about our kids/teens today.  Their heroes are Kim Kardashian and Miley Cyrus.  Whomever sells the most People magazines is the teen idol of the week.  Why not stop giving people press who have done nothing in their lives?  Paris Hilton never did anything but make a sex tape and inherit money.  Same thing with Kim Kardashian.  That is what they are famous for!!  Then there is Lindsay Lohan.  She is just a train wreck, drug addict and thief!!  What is the fascination with these losers?  Why don't we have higher standards for our idols? 

 
(These are not heroes!!)

 
(This certainly is not a hero!)

 
(Neither is this!!!)

My heroes and idols have changed since I was a teenager.  I used to think that actors and rock stars were the most awesome people.  Now I know the truth.  Mere humans are fallible but there are a few that I look up to and respect.  One is my friend, Kathy Bragg.  Kathy is in charge of our Community Shelter here in town.  They serve 3 meals a day, provide food and supplies to not only homeless but also disadvantaged families in the community and, of course, provides shelter for the night to our homeless.  Another friend, Sheila Crunkleton, is in charge of our local chapter of The Red Cross.  Sheila and Kathy are my heroes because they are not only good people but also care about our entire community.  Every fundraiser for every charitable organization here in the area will include Kathy and Sheila.  I have never seen either one of them on the cover of People Magazine, In Touch, US Weekly or even rags like The National Enquirer!!  If I ever do, I will know that Americans have changed their priorities!!  Don't expect to see Kathy or Sheila on the cover of a magazine though.  They will have to settle for a little praise from my little blog!!  Here's to you ladies!!!
 
These are heroes.  Kathy Bragg and Sheila Crunkleton.