Life Lesson #15,037-Bullying Sucks

Life Lesson #15,037-Bullying Sucks

Disclaimer:  This blog is NOT a funny one!! 

I have to say that bullying has gone to a whole new level from when I was a kid.  Kids got laughed at and made fun of when I was going to school but nothing like it is these days.  With social media, email, cell phones and the Internet, kids have no chance of getting away from their bullies even when they are at home.  I have heard of kids making Facebook pages about hating another child.  I have heard about some kids having a Facebook, MySpace or even Instagram and kids "stalking" them and saying horrible things to them on the Internet for everyone to see.  I think it is very important that we all speak to our children about the consequences of bullying if they are caught doing it.  I also think this starts at home.  If a child hears their parents speaking horribly about another person, they will think it is okay.  I know that we all are guilty of doing it but we all need to think about what we say in front of them.
 

We need to teach our children that if they bully people then they will have serious consequences at home.  If your child is accused of bullying then you need to get to the bottom of it.  Don't look at that kid through rose colored glasses.  Bullies are really the wimpiest and most insecure people that have ever lived.  If someone is bullying or pushing around a child with a physical or mental ailment then they have serious issues that should be addressed.  Some kids have problems which cannot be seen by the naked eye.  These kids should be especially looked out for by our children.  They don't have to be best friends with someone to stand up for someone who is being bullied.  Kids with ADD, ADHD, Asperger's and Autism are often misunderstood as being weird but in reality sometimes they lack impulse control and cannot help the way they are acting.  I think kids should be sensitive to these kids.  Please, Please talk to your children about this.


Now bullying doesn't always look like a big boy pushing around a boy who is smaller than him.  Lots of times a bully can look like a beautiful young lady.  I hear Moms talking about how mean girls can be to each other and it makes me so sad.  Kids, teens and young adults live in the moment.  This is why they get in so much trouble.  They think that calling another girl ugly makes them look better or posting nasty things about other girls online makes them look tough.  Don't we all understand by now that suicide is now the way out for these kids who are being bullied?  Was it really worth it for a kid to kill themselves over someone posting something terrible, and usually not even true, about them?  No, of course not but like I said, kids live in the moment.  When you are my age, you could just care less what people say about you but most of the time kids don't have a choice who they are in a room, bathroom, locker room or hall with at school. If someone doesn't like me they can just avoid me and I can avoid them but not our kids! It's just not fair!!



So, what to do if your child is The Bully:
1.  Open your eyes and realize that your child is capable of that behavior.
2.  Realize that your child will probably not change after one talk or one punishment.
3.  Talk to your child about redirecting their bullying behavior to a leadership role.
4.  If you have been called by another parent or the school, make an appointment and talk to your child's teacher or principal and get to the bottom of it.
5.  Be clear that this behavior is unacceptable and follow through with consequences.
6.  Have a zero tolerance rule about bullying.
7.  Know your child's friends and talk to them often.
8.  If it persists talk to the school counselor or a medical/mental health professional.
9.  Let them know that this behavior is dangerous.
10. Make sure that your child understands respect.  By that I mean not only respecting others and their personal space but respecting themselves enough not to do this to others.

What to do if your child is Being Bullied:
1.  Again, open your eyes.  Don't just blow off your child and tell them that "So-n-so was just kidding."
2.  Make the school or other organization aware that this is happening and follow up often.
3.  Make sure that your child knows that they are loved and that they are important in this world.
4.  Encourage your child to walk to class, eat lunch or hang out on the playground with a friend. Strength in numbers.
5.  Make sure that your child has some sort of outlet or hobby.  An activity outside of school can be something to look forward to and enjoy and live for.  Kids who play sports or who have hobbies can blow off steam if they are doing something that they enjoy.
6. Teach your child to say, "STOP"!!
7.  Report this activity to the school and document all of the details of the incident, who was involved and who you reported the incident to at school.
8.  Remind your child that reporting a bully is not the same as tattling.
9.  Communicate with your child.  Talk, Talk, Talk.

If you have anything to add, please do so!

Life Lesson #15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults

#15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults, Not Good Kids

I don't care what anyone says, being a parent is the hardest job ever!  You have one chance to get it right.  If you are the mother then you will be the one who gets blamed for any character flaws in your child.  If they are spoiled, it's your fault.  If they are "trouble" then it's your fault.  If they have any problem whatsoever, it is your fault.  For some reason, the Dads get off free and clear!! I don't get it.  Aren't Dads half of the parents?  Anyway, we are raising these children to be good adults and we have to remember that.  If we are just trying to raise good kids then most of us have succeeded but then when they become teens some of them get lost to the struggles of being a young adult.  Some kids who are raised with very tight restrictions become wild animals when they are finally allowed some freedom and some kids turn out fine.  Some kids who are given free reign turn into homeless drug addicts and some turn into very responsible adults. So what do we do?  How do we know what is the right way to raise our children?  I mean, some kids who are raised in church or even by pastors are awesome kids and others rebel.  Some of the most rotten kids I knew were the pastors' kids.  I remember one bringing beer to school and drinking it in middle school.  Some of the nicest people that I know now, have never even been to church. I think every child is different.  Every kid should be raised on a case by case basis.  See what works for your particular child and do that.  Some kids will need an occasional spanking, some can just be threatened with taking away a toy and they will never stray!  Before you start telling me how horrible spanking is, I am not for beating or prolonged spanking but a little swat on the rear end has done wonders for my son.  He hasn't had one in many years but I can threaten it and he straightens right up.  The last time he got one, he had been talking during church and being disruptive and he deserved it.  He got a swat on the rear end when he was three for lying to me and he has not lied to me again.  That was 10 years ago.  He may start lying to me tomorrow and never tell me the truth ever again but so far it worked.

 

So what is the correct form of parenting?  Whose book should we go by?  Dr. Sears?  John Rosemond?  Or should we just maybe take a little from each and use whatever advice works for us.  To spank or not to spank?  To use Time Out or not?  Take away toys/gadgets?  Ground them?  Maybe it all changes and continues to change as they grow up.  Maybe one thing works for you from birth until they are 18-years old.  Maybe nothing works at all.  Every child is different just like every adult is different. I've seen two children raised in the same house and raised by the same parents with the same parenting style and the kids are totally different.  I've even seen twins who are completely different. I know some of it has to do with birth order or only children or if a sibling dies but it still amazes me. 
 

I think that just spending time with our children daily and letting them know that they are loved is the best thing that we can do for them.  Now before anyone starts saying, "But you only have one child.  It's so easy to do with one child", I just want to say that it isn't that hard to give 10 children a hug and a kiss and tell them that you love them.  Take that time everyday to tell each one of your children that you love them.  Never EVER let their head hit the pillow at night without you telling them that you love them.  Even on the days that they aren't that lovable remind them that you love them and that no matter what, you always will.  I can't think of one thing that my son could ever do or say that would make me not love him.  Okay, that being said, I am not the perfect parent and I'm not sure that there ever was a perfect parent besides our Heavenly Father and he loves us all unconditionally.  So here is to all of us who are striving to be the best parent that we can be!! Hug and kiss those kiddos today and every day after that!! They grow up so fast.