Lesson #15,140-Types of Parents

Okay, so there are 101 types of parents out there but I'm gonna tell you about my favorites.

Helicopter Parents:  Helicopter parents are those who hover over their children.  They want to know everything that is going on in their children's lives.  They want to be a part of everything in their children's lives.  They want to fight their children's battles.  They want their child to be number one at everything.  These parents are really not doing their child any favors.  If we are a part of everything that our children do then they never learn how to cope with situations without our help.  Life doesn't work that way!!  Do I want to go and smack some kid that is mean to my child?  Sure, but I have to let my child learn to take care of himself.

Absentee Parents:  These are parents who think they are doing their children a favor by not being there for them when they do need them.  Sure, they may turn out to be independent adults but they need us for guidance and love while they are children.  Our children do need to be children and need to be able to have open dialogue with us when it comes to some subjects.  If you aren't talking to your child about sex, someone else is.  If you aren't giving your child love and affection, someone else will.  It may be from someone who doesn't care one bit about them either!!  The backseat of some guy's car isn't the place for love to be given.

"My Child is Perfect" Parents:  These are the parents who can "one up" your child's A+, your child's hole in one, your child's 3 point shot, your child's awesome soccer goal, your child's national championship wrestling medal, your child's triple back tuck!!  We all know them.  These parent's have the most perfect children that ever lived.  They make the best grades.  They are the best in sports. They are the most well behaved children.  They are the best looking or most beautiful children that were ever born.  I mean, we all think our child is the best looking and most beautiful children that we have ever seen but that's because they are ours!!  We just don't say it out loud!!!  These parents do!! UGH!! These are the most annoying parents EVER!!

"My Kid is The Worst" Parents:  These are the parents who never have anything positive to say about their children even when they are awesome kids!  Most kids have at least one redeeming quality but to these parents, it's never enough.  "So what if you scored 25 points in the basketball game?  You should have scored 30."  I think these are the most damaging parents.  I know what they are trying to do and that is living vicariously through their children but never telling your child that you are proud of them is damaging.

Angry Parents:  These parents are the ones who stir up more drama than a middle school girl could ever start!  Nothing is ever right with their children's teachers, their friends, their school, their dance instructor, their soccer coach and on and on and on.  These parents just need some Xanax!!  I can't even talk to these people!

Cool Parents:  These are the parents who want to be their children's best friend.  They let their kids talk any ole way to them.  They let their kids do anything they want to do.  The kids tell the parents what they are going to do instead of the other way around.  That is the tail wagging the dog!! I tell my son, all the time, that he has plenty of friends but only 2 parents.  I don't want to be his friend.  I want to be his mom!! That is a hard enough job!  He isn't going to tell me what to do, where we will go and how we should do things.  I drive this bus, Bubby, not you!  Don't get me wrong, I will talk to my son about anything that he wants to talk about but I am going to give him advice from a parent's perspective, not his friends.  No, he will not be allowed to drink in my home.  No, I won't be buying him cigarettes.  No, he will not be having girls up in his room.  When he goes away to college, I can't watch what he does but while he is in my home he will respect my rules.

Over-Protective Parent:  These are the parents that never let their child out of their sight except for school.  They won't let their children go to other people's houses EVER!  They won't let their child ride their bike down the street.  They won't let their children do anything.  This, to me, tells their child that they don't trust them at all and never will.  Kids have to have boundaries, I understand that, but we have to give them a little breathing room and a little privacy.

Okay, so what's a happy medium?  Every child is different.  We all have different parenting styles and philosophies.  I think we just need to give our children love, affection, attention, teach them right from wrong and be good examples for them as adults.  We weren't perfect when we were children so why expect our children to be? (Except for y'all "My Child is Perfect Parents". Y'all already have perfect kids!)  They will make mistakes and bad grades and fail to make a team and not score 30 points but we have to love them and guide them to do their best.  My son studied for a test, not too long ago, and failed the test.  He was afraid to tell me what grade he got.  When he finally told me, I asked if that was the test that he had studied for and he said it was so I told him that if that was the best he could do then that was the best he could do.  I told him that he needed to work harder for the next test and pull up his grade.  He got the highest grade in the class on the next test because he had to work harder and pull up his grade.  I am, by far, not perfect so why expect him to be?  Parenting is a hard job.  Do your best to raise good adults!

Lesson #15,138-Boston & Talking To Our Children

Okay, so by now we all have heard about what happened in Boston.  How do we explain this tragedy to our children? Some things are hard to explain or unexplainable.  This is one of them.  Our children are asking questions like "Who would do that?" and "Why would anyone do that?".  Our children do not understand hate.  They know that they "hate" broccoli or timeouts.  They know that they "hate" homework. They "hate" cleaning their rooms.  They certainly "hate" being sick.  They simply do not understand hating another person because they don't believe in the same things that they do.  That is a learned behavior.  Parents have to teach their children not to hate someone or a group of people for any reason.  We all have to teach Love!!  We have to teach our children that just because other people do not believe in the same things that we can exist together in this world.  But how do we explain what happened in Boston when a child was a victim?  This is my take on it:

1.  We have to sit our children down and tell them what happened if they are old enough to know what happened.  We tell them that something bad has happened and give them only details that they "NEED" to know.  I mean, we don't need to tell a 2-year old about the tragedy.  My son was almost 2-years old when 9/11 happened and he wouldn't have understood what I was trying to tell him.  He learned about it when he got older.

2.  Try not to dwell on it too much so we don't scare them into believing that it could happen to them, even though nobody is truly 100% safe from an attack  We had the news on and were listening to what had happened and after about an hour, my 13-year old son said "I've seen enough.  I need to watch something else".  He is old enough to verbalize his feelings but a 6-year old may not be able to say that they have had enough. 

3.  If your child is old enough for this to bother them, ask if they would like to talk about it.  Do this, especially, if you sense that it is on their mind. 

4.  Reassure them that they are safe and that they will be okay.  We have to comfort them even though we know that hate is all around us.  Don't lie to them and say that it could never happen where you live but do try to help them process what happened offering them comfort and keep your emotions in check.  We all were shocked, upset and angry about what happened but we cannot let our emotions be transferred to our children.

5.  If you believe in God, pray together for the injured and for the families and friends of the people who were killed.  If you choose, pray for the people who did this, that God would soften their hearts.  That they would feel love for their fellow man and not hate.

6.  Show them how the people came together and offered their help.  If you watch the video of the events, you will see police, firemen, paramedics, EMTs, National Guard and regular people coming together to help the injured.  They ran toward the blast, not away from it.  Talk about the heroes in this tragedy.  The men and women who were hurt but helped the people who were injured much worse.  The doctors and nurses in the hospitals who worked overtime to make sure that every patient was taken care of because that was the right thing to do.  Nobody asked the victims if they were democrats or republicans, gay or straight, black or white, young or old.  They simply helped.  During times of tragedy, we come together as Americans and Human Beings.  Compassion was shown and that is an important trait of Americans and Human Beings.  There are more good than evil people in this world, even though we may think otherwise sometimes.  This is a good time to talk about empathy for their fellow man.

As parents, we have a hard job.  Events such as this makes our jobs even harder.  Be patient with your children as they come to you with questions.  Be patient with their emotions.  Remember that we, as parents, do not understand this so our children, certainly, do not. 

Lesson #15,109-Having an Only Child Has It's Perks

Okay, so I went to dinner with my dear friend, who reads this blog (Uh oh), and she has 5 children.  3 teenagers, a 1st grader and a 4-year old.  I was looking around the entire time trying to figure out how in the heck she does this!!  The little ones were jumping around, up and down, busy, busy, busy.  She and her husband were cool as cucumbers.  I thought to myself "Dear God, You knew better than to give me 5 kids!!"  There is just activity all around and they just chilled out and let it all go crazy.  There is not enough Xanax at Walgreens for me to do all of that.  Somebody needed their water refilled, she just refilled it with someone else's water glass.  Someone needed their meat cut and she cut their meat and refilled the other water glass at the same time!!  Seriously, she was like an octopus waitress superhero mom or something!! 

All of these kids are super smart.  During dinner Dad was going over spelling words and making a game of it with the youngest son while going over vocabulary with the middle son.  I can barely help one child get homework done.  Can you imagine having 5 children in school?  This fall they all will be in school.  I would need a nanny, a tutor and a maid!!  There would be no naps, EVER!!  Oh and did I mention that both parents are PA's??  That is a Physician Assistant, in case you didn't know what that was.  They both work full time!!

The perks of having only one child are as follows:
1.  Only having one child!!!  That's it!!

Well, maybe not.  There's the laundry perk.  I only have to do laundry once or twice a week.  The homework thing.  I can help with everything but math and Spanish.  Then there is the time thing.  I've got free time to spend with him or take a nap.  Whichever I choose!!  Dishes.  We only have 3 for dinner.  College tuition.  Only have to save for one.  Only have to cut one person's meat!!  One car.  One North Face jacket! Actually the list goes on and on!!


I'm sure that there are perks to having a large family too.  Like, having help with the laundry, babysitting and the older ones can help the younger ones with homework.  The kids are more independent.  It's never boring.  There's always something going on!!  You can wear pajamas in public and people understand why!!

Hats off to ya, Julia!!

Life Lesson #15,037-Bullying Sucks

Life Lesson #15,037-Bullying Sucks

Disclaimer:  This blog is NOT a funny one!! 

I have to say that bullying has gone to a whole new level from when I was a kid.  Kids got laughed at and made fun of when I was going to school but nothing like it is these days.  With social media, email, cell phones and the Internet, kids have no chance of getting away from their bullies even when they are at home.  I have heard of kids making Facebook pages about hating another child.  I have heard about some kids having a Facebook, MySpace or even Instagram and kids "stalking" them and saying horrible things to them on the Internet for everyone to see.  I think it is very important that we all speak to our children about the consequences of bullying if they are caught doing it.  I also think this starts at home.  If a child hears their parents speaking horribly about another person, they will think it is okay.  I know that we all are guilty of doing it but we all need to think about what we say in front of them.
 

We need to teach our children that if they bully people then they will have serious consequences at home.  If your child is accused of bullying then you need to get to the bottom of it.  Don't look at that kid through rose colored glasses.  Bullies are really the wimpiest and most insecure people that have ever lived.  If someone is bullying or pushing around a child with a physical or mental ailment then they have serious issues that should be addressed.  Some kids have problems which cannot be seen by the naked eye.  These kids should be especially looked out for by our children.  They don't have to be best friends with someone to stand up for someone who is being bullied.  Kids with ADD, ADHD, Asperger's and Autism are often misunderstood as being weird but in reality sometimes they lack impulse control and cannot help the way they are acting.  I think kids should be sensitive to these kids.  Please, Please talk to your children about this.


Now bullying doesn't always look like a big boy pushing around a boy who is smaller than him.  Lots of times a bully can look like a beautiful young lady.  I hear Moms talking about how mean girls can be to each other and it makes me so sad.  Kids, teens and young adults live in the moment.  This is why they get in so much trouble.  They think that calling another girl ugly makes them look better or posting nasty things about other girls online makes them look tough.  Don't we all understand by now that suicide is now the way out for these kids who are being bullied?  Was it really worth it for a kid to kill themselves over someone posting something terrible, and usually not even true, about them?  No, of course not but like I said, kids live in the moment.  When you are my age, you could just care less what people say about you but most of the time kids don't have a choice who they are in a room, bathroom, locker room or hall with at school. If someone doesn't like me they can just avoid me and I can avoid them but not our kids! It's just not fair!!



So, what to do if your child is The Bully:
1.  Open your eyes and realize that your child is capable of that behavior.
2.  Realize that your child will probably not change after one talk or one punishment.
3.  Talk to your child about redirecting their bullying behavior to a leadership role.
4.  If you have been called by another parent or the school, make an appointment and talk to your child's teacher or principal and get to the bottom of it.
5.  Be clear that this behavior is unacceptable and follow through with consequences.
6.  Have a zero tolerance rule about bullying.
7.  Know your child's friends and talk to them often.
8.  If it persists talk to the school counselor or a medical/mental health professional.
9.  Let them know that this behavior is dangerous.
10. Make sure that your child understands respect.  By that I mean not only respecting others and their personal space but respecting themselves enough not to do this to others.

What to do if your child is Being Bullied:
1.  Again, open your eyes.  Don't just blow off your child and tell them that "So-n-so was just kidding."
2.  Make the school or other organization aware that this is happening and follow up often.
3.  Make sure that your child knows that they are loved and that they are important in this world.
4.  Encourage your child to walk to class, eat lunch or hang out on the playground with a friend. Strength in numbers.
5.  Make sure that your child has some sort of outlet or hobby.  An activity outside of school can be something to look forward to and enjoy and live for.  Kids who play sports or who have hobbies can blow off steam if they are doing something that they enjoy.
6. Teach your child to say, "STOP"!!
7.  Report this activity to the school and document all of the details of the incident, who was involved and who you reported the incident to at school.
8.  Remind your child that reporting a bully is not the same as tattling.
9.  Communicate with your child.  Talk, Talk, Talk.

If you have anything to add, please do so!

Life Lesson #15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults

#15,034-Raising Kids To Be Good Adults, Not Good Kids

I don't care what anyone says, being a parent is the hardest job ever!  You have one chance to get it right.  If you are the mother then you will be the one who gets blamed for any character flaws in your child.  If they are spoiled, it's your fault.  If they are "trouble" then it's your fault.  If they have any problem whatsoever, it is your fault.  For some reason, the Dads get off free and clear!! I don't get it.  Aren't Dads half of the parents?  Anyway, we are raising these children to be good adults and we have to remember that.  If we are just trying to raise good kids then most of us have succeeded but then when they become teens some of them get lost to the struggles of being a young adult.  Some kids who are raised with very tight restrictions become wild animals when they are finally allowed some freedom and some kids turn out fine.  Some kids who are given free reign turn into homeless drug addicts and some turn into very responsible adults. So what do we do?  How do we know what is the right way to raise our children?  I mean, some kids who are raised in church or even by pastors are awesome kids and others rebel.  Some of the most rotten kids I knew were the pastors' kids.  I remember one bringing beer to school and drinking it in middle school.  Some of the nicest people that I know now, have never even been to church. I think every child is different.  Every kid should be raised on a case by case basis.  See what works for your particular child and do that.  Some kids will need an occasional spanking, some can just be threatened with taking away a toy and they will never stray!  Before you start telling me how horrible spanking is, I am not for beating or prolonged spanking but a little swat on the rear end has done wonders for my son.  He hasn't had one in many years but I can threaten it and he straightens right up.  The last time he got one, he had been talking during church and being disruptive and he deserved it.  He got a swat on the rear end when he was three for lying to me and he has not lied to me again.  That was 10 years ago.  He may start lying to me tomorrow and never tell me the truth ever again but so far it worked.

 

So what is the correct form of parenting?  Whose book should we go by?  Dr. Sears?  John Rosemond?  Or should we just maybe take a little from each and use whatever advice works for us.  To spank or not to spank?  To use Time Out or not?  Take away toys/gadgets?  Ground them?  Maybe it all changes and continues to change as they grow up.  Maybe one thing works for you from birth until they are 18-years old.  Maybe nothing works at all.  Every child is different just like every adult is different. I've seen two children raised in the same house and raised by the same parents with the same parenting style and the kids are totally different.  I've even seen twins who are completely different. I know some of it has to do with birth order or only children or if a sibling dies but it still amazes me. 
 

I think that just spending time with our children daily and letting them know that they are loved is the best thing that we can do for them.  Now before anyone starts saying, "But you only have one child.  It's so easy to do with one child", I just want to say that it isn't that hard to give 10 children a hug and a kiss and tell them that you love them.  Take that time everyday to tell each one of your children that you love them.  Never EVER let their head hit the pillow at night without you telling them that you love them.  Even on the days that they aren't that lovable remind them that you love them and that no matter what, you always will.  I can't think of one thing that my son could ever do or say that would make me not love him.  Okay, that being said, I am not the perfect parent and I'm not sure that there ever was a perfect parent besides our Heavenly Father and he loves us all unconditionally.  So here is to all of us who are striving to be the best parent that we can be!! Hug and kiss those kiddos today and every day after that!! They grow up so fast.