Lesson #15,099-$H!T I'm Doing Wrong Part Deux

Okay, so I am doing stuff wrong to be Super Mom.  Yesterday I talked about how my cabinets and linen closets are a mess.  My clothes closet does not look like it is supposed to either.  My shoes are not lined up in an orderly fashion.  I wear whatever shoes I can find 2 of.  If you see me in flip flops in the ice today, you will know that was the only pair of shoes that I could find the matching shoe to.  My shoes are strewn into the floor into a heap.  I really need one of those nice closets like one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has.  I would like to say that my purses are on display like they have but sadly my bags are just sitting on top of a small table, also in a heap.  Since I am a SAHM I should have them looking like a nice handbag store has them displayed.
(Not my craftiness!!)
Apparently SAHMs should also be crafty.  I have friends who do projects every week and make their homes look modern by taking old pieces of furniture and re-purposing them to look like something that would cost thousands of dollars.  One friend took an old dresser and painted it with some sort of metallic paint and made a beautiful buffet for the dining room.  If I tried that it would look like a horribly spray painted dresser that was put in the wrong room.
(Not my front door)
Some SAHMs decorate their homes for every holiday.  If you want to see decorations then you will have to come at Christmas because that's the only time I decorate.  These overachievers decorate for Valentine's Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving and every other holiday.  Right now, my dining room table is decorated for Laundry Day!!  And by that I mean my folded laundry is on the dining table, ready to be put away.  I think I will keep it decorated until Saturday!!  Sorry, Family!!  If you want your clean underwear you can go to the dining room and get them off the table!!  (Hey, it's clean underwear!  Don't be afraid to eat at my table!!)
(Not my laundry room but in my dreams it is!)
My laundry room is not decorated beautifully.  It was the day we moved in.  It is painted a buttery color and has toile curtains.I had planned on painting something on one wall that said something witty in French but I decided to take a nap that day and every day since so it never got done!!  The sink in the laundry room is full of household items because like I have said before, I only handwash my "handwash only" sweaters once every 57 times that I wear them!!  (Don't judge.  You do it too, right?)
(Not my coat rack!)
My coat rack in the foyer will still have winter coats hanging from it in July.  So what?  Where would you like me to hang them?  Oh, that's right! I have 2 coat closets that I could use but they are full of crap too!!
(Not my dining room but I could totally do that!!!)
My neighbors told me that the people who built this house would often host dinner parties.  They would have someone come in and cook and serve the meal in the dining room.  They would close the butler door that leads into the kitchen and the servers would stay in the kitchen cooking the next course until they were ready to serve and then come out with desserts at the end of the meal.  Yeah.  They were very sad to see them move away because if you come over to my house now, you will have to serve yourself in the kitchen and go and sit in the dining room.  If you want dessert, you will have to get up and get it yourself!!  No wonder they still call this "The Harrison House"!!  They are hoping The Harrison's move back someday!!  Oh and that butler door...Yep, it stays open all of the time now!!  No butler, cook or server has been here since the 1990's!!
(Not me on laundry day!!)
SAHMs have so much free time that we are supposed to look a certain way too.  Trust me when I say that I do not vacuum with heels on.  I do not put on lipstick to clean the toilets.  You won't see me in a cocktail dress at the grocery store either.  If I am out of my pajamas and wearing clean yoga pants, then consider yourself LUCKY!!!