Lesson #15,084-Public Restrooms!!!!

What is the deal with public restrooms?  There is always a wait for the restroom if you are in the Women's line.  If builders would put a changing station in the Men's room, maybe the wait at McDonald's wouldn't be so long!!  Men are not handicapped.  They can change a diaper!!  Oh and what is up with the number of stalls that women have at concerts, ballgames, races and at the circus?  Men and women attend these events so why not give us twice as many stalls as the men have?  I mean, we have to wait, go in the stall, pull our pants down, squat, pee and wipe.  Then we go and actually wash our hands because we aren't disgusting like men are.  It takes us at least three times as long to go so why make us wait so long?  Men go in, unzip, pee and shake.  Some of them wash their hands and some even use soap but they still don't take as long as we do so give us more stalls!!! 

Heaven forbid a woman actually has an emergency and has to go quickly!!!  If you even think about cutting in line, a usually peaceful and sweet woman will CUT you!!  You can't cut in line in the grocery store so what makes you think that you are gonna get past a woman in line to pee?  It ain't gonna happen!  DO NOT make a woman mad when she has to pee!!  Trust me on this!!  Especially if that woman has given birth to a child.  She is already holding it in as hard as she can.  She will wet her pants to whoop your butt!
 

I went to see James Taylor at our local outdoor amphitheater and all of the restrooms were out of order so they had about 15-20 porta johns all along the back fence and the men and women were waiting in line together.  Now these porta johns didn't even have a light so we were all peeing in the dark.  You can imagine how gross that was already and there were women who refused to go in the dark porta johns and were peeing behind every "stall".  That was horrible!!  Thank God I always carry my trusty "Charmin To Go" in my purse so I had toilet paper.  I never go anywhere without it!!  Even if I have a teeny purse, I have my Charmin To Go roll in my purse.  You will never catch me without TP!!  Thank you, Charmin, for that little roll of Heaven!!

Speaking of toilet paper.  Why is it that every public restroom only has one-ply toilet paper?  We use twice as much so you should just buy the good stuff!!  And those HUGE rolls!! They do not unroll!!  You pull and pull and you only get two tickets each time you pull!!  When you get two tickets each time and you are pulling one-ply toilet paper, it takes a long time to get enough toilet paper to wipe clean.

My least favorite thing about a public restroom is children.  If they are in the stall next to someone they have to look under the stall at you.  If they knock on the stall door and you say that it is occupied, they have to look under the door just to see if you are serious.  Oh and my most favorite memory is taking my son in the stall with me and the lady "next door" lets out a little toot and my son says, LOUDLY, "Mom, did you hear that lady fart?" and then giggles for the next 30 minutes.  Oh how embarrassing!!  That's why children are my least favorite thing about a public restroom!!  But don't even get me started on the huge crack between the door and the wall!!! Everyone waiting in line can see you peeing!!!!! UGH!!