Lesson #15,119-Facebook Rules and Regulations by Susan

Okay, so my friend Susan Radford started a list of rules that she wishes everyone would follow on Facebook and it looks like most people agree!  She is allowing me to share them with my readers in hopes to get the word out!  You may recognize Susan from movies and series TV.  She is our little movie star!!  Being an extra in blockbuster movies like The Hunger Games and IronMan 3 among others.  She is also on Homeland and Banshee.  Oh and then she has a real job as co-owner of English Aesthetics.  If your face needs pampering, and you live in the Monroe, NC area, give her a call!!

Anyway, back to the rules.  Here goes:

Facebook rules (or should be):

1. Don't hijack a post. So, you're participating in a thread...let's say it's about an upcoming vacation, when from out of nowhere someone pops in and yells "HEY I NEED TO CHANGE CARPOOL WEEKS!!!!!!". It really brings the party down. Which brings me to...

2. DON'T POST IN ALL CAPS...it's obnoxious. Or Even Worse Is Posting With Just The First Letter In Caps. Why, just why?

3. One upping. "So sorry your roof fell in and you have pneumonia and and you've got to put granny in the nursing home...let's talk about MY problems...I have 12 sick children, hubs lost his job AND my eyelashes all fell out last night". 

4. Dear God, even if you are passionate to the extreme about your cause, job, kids, etc, in the name of all that is holy, don't update your status every 32 seconds. Trust me, you lose people this way.

5. My personal favorite...posting about someone or some situation in a vague, cloudy, passive aggressive, negative way. "Some people need to watch what they say in front of my cousin or certain people are going to be sorry". What?!

6. !!!!???:))))???!!!:-)))  Too many of those. Ok, add on some hahaha's and that is me actually:))

7. Constant, hourly Democrat/Republican bashing...we get it!!!!

8. Posts like this "I am so sad today"...Then you refuse to say why even after 47 of your friends have begged you to explain. If you just want some attention I will take you to Alice Jules for some coffee and a good cry.

9. If you look great in the picture and my cellulite is showing and you don't crop me out I will hunt you down.

10. Status updates that are too wordy.

11. Give a spoiler alert when you are about to spoil something for somebody. Some of us are waaaay behind on our TiVo'ing or DVR'ing or what have you. I DO NOT want to hear who died on Downton Abbey!!

12. I know that what you are selling is the greatest thing ever for health, wealth, happiness and weight loss but please post the majority of that stuff on your business page!

13. Feel free to brag on your spouse and children when they deserve it...if they are pieces of crap it's kinda on you...you picked 'em or raised 'em.

14. Selfies...seriously? How many pictures per day is appropriate to post of yourself? Nobody's arm looks good in those pics anyway.

15. So, I'm sitting here unsuspecting, eating a corndog and up pops an emaciated dog picture:((( I will send a check to your charity if you just give me a heads up.

16. Dogs, kitties, babies, dancing old people, toes in the sand, weddings, vacations, sports, awkward family photos, People of Walmart = good in my book.

17. "Likes" competition...you know you do it. "Ha! My child got 72 likes and yours only got 68"...sad.

18. Pinterest...I have craft envy but I am entirely too lazy to figure out how to join, pin, participate...whatever you call it!

19. This is sort of in the same category as one upping but more macabre...if you have some insider information that something bad has happened to someone, don't spill it until you determine whether or not loved ones have been informed. We all like to have a scoop but family members shouldn't find out that Peepaw died via Facebook.

20. Checking in. If your daily check in looks like this: Egg McMuffin at Micky D's, Whopper Jr.and fries at Burger King, hot dog all the way at Cookout...you are eating too much fast food AND you need to find more interesting places to visit. Unless you are a franchise owner and you are trying to get higher Google ratings, in which case, carry on.

21. Busy and bored. It was pointed out to me that if you have time to post that you are "too busy", you can't be all that busy. That doesn't bother me as much as "bored". If you post that you are bored you deserve to have every head of every nonprofit in your area send you a message asking you to work on a fundraiser. If you say no you best never post you are bored again.

22. Snopes.com...use it people!! "The definitive source for urban legends, folklore, myths, rumors, and misinformation". Especially you Facebook newbies...you'll run across some intriguing story that you can't wait to repost, not realizing it was debunked about 5 years ago, makes the rounds regularly and probably infects your, and all your friends computers with a freaking virus that will make you go impotent and your computer explode...see, that's the kind of misinformation I was talking about.

23. Conspiracy theories...love 'em. Very entertaining stuff. Don't enjoy the arguments however, that inevitably ensue when some idiot takes offense to the FACT that a tribe of Amazonian women have been recruited and trained by the US Government to infiltrate the headquarters of the New World Order to prepare for the upcoming alien invasion, or some such thing.

24. Outlaw all athletic updates..."Just completed my daily 40 mile run and feeling so energized...think I'll get on the old mountain bike and do the entire Appalachian Trail"!! You people seriously make me feel fat and lazy...I'd come whip your a** but I'm too tired.

25. Music posts...nothing better than scrolling down the feed and coming across old Bob Seger concert footage. Or Def Leppard, or Ronnie James Dio, or whomever you love:)

26. Remodeling/decorating posts...I'm a fan even though it makes me feel horribly inadequate and only inspires me to immediately put a for sale sign in the yard.

27. I forgot to mention that all these "rules" pretty much only apply to women. If you look at a man's posts they are almost entirely sports related, except for the ones WE put on there...you know, like pictures of their children doing something brilliant or memes that basically call them inconsiderate slobs. I'd be willing to bet big money that 96% of the posts on my husband's wall are somehow related to the Carolina/Duke rivalry.Which brings us to...

28. Rivalry...Carolina/Duke is kind of like Obama/Various Republicans. No one is going to change anyone's mind about the other, ever. Give up! My husband will never suddenly say "Oh my, I now see the error of my ways, based on your long running diatribe against the Tarheels...I will now root for Coach Krzyzewski's boys".

29. Debbie Downers. You're feeling chipper so you post something like "What a gorgeous day...matter of fact, it's the best day ever" and somebody chimes in "Well, you better enjoy it because tomorrow it's going to be 32 degrees, raining, with volleyball sized hail"... or "Enjoy your nice day cause we're all going to pay for this mild winter with the bugs come Spring"...or "I'm glad you like it, makes my allergies flare up something fierce". Wah wah waaaah!!!

30. Stealth posters...you are having a conversation with friends, maybe talking about how you might have had a little too much wine the night before when some stranger pops in with a hangover cure. Who is this person? Are they even my friend? Wait...I know them, and I actually don't really like them, I think. We all have those friends that rarely post but will pop up from time to time and make you realize you might be getting stalked. What's even worse is when they "like" a picture of you that was buried deep in your photo archives so you know they are looking back through your albums. And they don't pick a good picture to like, oh no, they find the worst one out of the 10,000 so it will reappear on your feed for all to enjoy yet again cause you forgot to untag or delete it!!!

31. One word posts..."Pissed!", "Hopeful", "Jerks!", etc. Do tell? This is like obscure vanity plates. I want to hit your car hard from behind if I can't figure out what "HT4MCLVN" means, and I feel the same about one word posts.

32. "Liking" and "Sharing" pictures of items like boots, clothing and jewelry in order to enter contests. Has anyone I know EVER won any of these lovely things, cause some dang body better win those boots that I see 100 times a day, or that monogram necklace or that pretty summer dress!

33. Daily Bible verses....I'm a fan, and you should be too because for some of us, cough cough, it might be our only Bible reading that gets done that day. I will go so far as to say that on more than one occasion, the course of my day has been changed for the better simply by reading a verse.

34. I say this with love in my heart...Libertarians are relentless. They post 100 times a day...and no kitties or puppies in sight. I would never disagree with one because they are too knowledgeable, just ask 'em.

35. There is no 35 because I'm just that ornery.

Thank you for being the guest blogger today, Susan!!  I agree 99%!! ~Colette