Life Lesson #15,044-What is a Southern Belle?

This blog post is all about what a Southern Belle really is.  Most people think of Scarlett O'Hara when they think of Southern Belles.  Let me just tell you what they really are.  A Southern Belle can ride her ATV and fish all day long and come home, take a shower, curl her hair and put on a dress and look like she has been at the spa all day.  A Southern Belle is made of sugar & spice and gunpowder & lead.  We are hard but soft.  We are sweet as sweet iced tea but don't piss us off.  We love with all of our heart.  We fight for what is right.  We share. We "Bless" people's hearts.  We can bake a mean Pound Cake and shoot a shotgun.  Just because we are wearing heels and a Lilly Pulitzer dress doesn't mean that we don't have a .38 special in our handbag.  Our families are our entire world.  You mess with one of our children, you better have your running shoes on!  We love our Southern Cities!  Cha'ston, Addlanta, S'vannah, Sha lotte, Row noke, Moe bill, and Clum bee ya.  Most of us drink sweet tea over ice.  Well, the civilized people do anyway!  We love college football and support our team by wearing a T-shirt with our good jeans and heels.  On Sunday, we are in the church of our childhood religion and in The South there are 3 religions, Baptist, Methodist and Presbyterian.  (Yes, I know they are all the same religion but in The South our denomination is our religion.)

Yes, we speak a little slower that the Yankees.  Yes, we speak sweeter than the Yankees, but we can insult someone and you will forget all about it just after we say "Bless her heart".  Example:  Her butt is so big, Bless Her Heart!  See?  It doesn't sound so bad, right?  We all "hate" gossip but if you don't fill us in on the latest gossip, then you must be up to no good yourself!!  When you leave the room, if you hear a peel of laughter when you leave the room, you probably had lipstick on your teeth and someone just blessed your heart!! We can recite Bible verses and curse words in a single breath.  We are intelligent enough to play dumb when we need to.

It is hot here so sundresses and ceiling fans are a must in the summertime.  Everyone has a porch of some kind at their house.  It may just be a small porch on the front, a wrap around porch or even a back deck but we all have somewhere to sit outside.  We are all familiar with the smell of mosquito repellant.  We all know what a bug zapper is and if you never splashed water on a bug zapper when you were a kid, don't do it now.  It won't be near as funny.

If you are a Southern Belle, you probably have a deep freezer.  You probably watched your mother can food when you were young.  You probably watched her make jelly and freeze vegetables.  I remember my mother screaming at me to get out of the kitchen when she was canning because she was always afraid that the pressure cooker would explode.  Since she never let me in the kitchen, I don't know how to can food. 

Listen, Southern Belles are very complex creatures.  If you are in need, we are there for you.  Even if we can't stand the sight of you, bless your heart!  We "speak" by throwing up a hand and waving.  If you don't "speak" back, you must be upset about something, bless your heart.  We know the importance of the changing of the seasons so we celebrate by making a big pot of soup on the first cool day of the year and we make homemade ice cream as soon as summer comes.  All good Southern Belles know this!!

If you are lucky enough to be a Southern Belle then you are blessed by God.  If you are lucky enough to be married to one, then YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH!!

 Tomorrow we shall talk about Southern Belle Rules...