Life Lesson #15,046-Let's Just Call Halloween What It Really Is

Let's just call Halloween what it really is.  It's begging.  Little people walking around the neighborhood in costumes and begging for candy.  Has anyone ever given these little people a trick instead of a treat?  Most of the people in our neighborhood are elderly and hate Halloween so the 5 houses that give out candy get swamped with people.  The kids that really try to dress up on Halloween, I love to see these kids coming.  They are so cute and I never mind giving out candy to these little beggars.  It's the 15-year old+ "kids" that I have a problem giving candy to.  The ones with deep voices and facial hair.  I am sorry if I am a Halloween Grinch but when your voice is deeper than Barry White's, you are probably too old to Trick or Treat.



Then there are the "kids" who don't even have on costumes and they drive themselves around the neighborhood.  Now if you can't even take the time to put on a mask, do you really think I should give you candy?  I mean I go to all the effort here!! I get in my car and drive to Target and get a few bags of candy to give to the sweet little children with the cute little costumes and you expect me to give you candy without even painting your face?  Wrong!! If you cannot even bother to put on a costume or even make one up, you probably shouldn't be Trick or Treating.



The one that really drove me over the edge was 2 years ago.  I am not kidding and you will think that I am lying, but I swear this is true.  One of the Trick or Treaters was about 8 months pregnant.  It was not part of her costume.  I saw this girls' actual pregnant belly.  Now y'all know that sometimes I may stretch the truth in this blog but this is no lie.  I have witnesses!! So here is another hint for ya...If you are about to deliver a baby, you probably shouldn't be out Trick or Treating.



Here is my thing.  My son is 13-years old and he hasn't Trick or Treated in several years. Not because I have told him that he is too old, too tall or too hairy but because even he knows better!  Honestly, would it be wrong to put up a sign with my list of expectations?  Maybe a sign stating something like this:  Do Not Trick or Treat Here If You 1.) Are older than 12-years old  2.) Aren't wearing a costume  3.) Are pregnant  4.) Drove yourself here.  Seriously, I want to give you a Trick if you are any of these things on this list!!  But, of course, I am a big ole chicken and don't want to have to pressure wash my house all day on Thursday because of my house getting egged so I will give your sorry, 17-year old, no costume wearing, pregnant self some candy!!



Now here is my dilemma.  I went to Party City to find my costume.  What will I choose?  The slutty nurse?  The slutty witch?  The slutty pirate?  The slutty devil?  Or just go as a slutty slut?

Happy Halloween, Everyone!!