Lesson #15,059-Lies We Tell Just Because...

Yes we all tell lies.  If you say that you don't lie, you are lying!! I know this because I can ask all of you if these jeans make my butt look big and 95% of you would say "No, absolutely not" and 4% of you would say "Yes, they kind of do" and 1% of you would tell the truth and say "It's not the jeans that make your butt look big, it's your butt that makes your butt look big".  So there, we all lie except for 1% of you!!  I just made up that statistic so don't go and Google it!  Did you know that 89% of statistics are made up on the spot?  See, I just lied again.  You may want to Google that and see what percentage of statistics are made up on the spot and what percentage are actually researched.


Anyway, LIES.  When I was still in nursing, I would tell my patients that a shot wouldn't hurt.  Apparently, sometimes a shot does hurt.  It just never hurt me when I gave someone a shot so technically I did not lie!!  Oh and when I said that the doctor would be right in to see you, that was a lie and I knew it.  I knew full well that you were going to sit in your undies for a good half hour before he came in your room to see you.  I realize that I should have offered you a magazine before leaving the room but maybe the doctor would, maybe, perchance, this once, come in the room within a reasonable amount of time but it is highly unlikely!!


Other lies we tell which are completely acceptable are lies about what we are doing all day.  Phone rings at 11:00am and I am on Facebook, watching reality TV and eating Nutella but when you ask what I am doing I am going to say "I have been doing laundry all day long".  If I am taking a nap when you call, I may not answer on the first ring because I need to sit up, clear my throat and think of what I am going to tell you what I have been doing.


Then there are the obvious that we tell our husbands.  "Is that new?" No.  "When did you get those shoes?" I have had these shoes for a long time. (A long time can be 2 hours, right?) "Did you go shopping today?" No.  "Did you get a facial today?" No.  "Are we having sex tonight?" Yes.  "Honey, are you asleep?" ... "Honey?" ... "Honey?" ...